Emotional support plant?

What about your parents anus?

MSNBC Live coverage: @jacobsoboroff.bsky.social interviewing a pink unicorn on live television is giving me life. #NoKings

Just started the coffee pot, and two seconds later got scared because I couldn't figure out where that noise was coming from.

I'm pretty sure my sister responded to my asking her when she had a chance to catch up with some sort of chatgpt/google assistant type of thing. Just the most bizarre response.

Call now?

The squish machine said my boobs are good for another year.

The Sheetz vs WaWa thing makes no sense to me. They are both bad.

After over 21 years together I've just learned that my husband thought David Lee Roth was Sammy Hagar, and Sammy Hagar was David Lee Roth

So, Delaware's real after all

Spent the evening with family and one of my favorite people on earth and I couldn't be happier. Also, I peeped some leaves on the way. Weather was terrible today for good pictures, but tomorrow should be better.

IT'S TOO MUCH LIQUID

Fried sea meats for late breakfast

Spent a few minutes in Salem today.

Good job Boston

Pizza time at my favorite pizza place.

We took our car on a train trip today. Getting ready for bed, should be in Virginia in the AM to start a random 3 week long nonsensical road trip. Yay!

I'm taking an overnight Amtrak trip in a sleeper car and I'm not sure how much to tip the room attendant. Anyone have any guesses?

Breaking news 🚨🚨 Nothing is going to happen

I didn't know never having seen Weekend at Bernie's would put me in this situation, but here we are

I don't know if this is real, but it is giving real Walt Disney calling the Sherman brothers to sing for him right before he died vibes

Maybe if we joke about the thing happening enough, the thing will happen?

Scrubbed, explosion now set for tomorrow

About 40 minutes away from Elon blowing up another rocket

It wasn't good.

Just discovered Dairy Queen still makes the Flamethrower. Guess what I'm having for lunch?

Why does the human body make so much snot?

I'm not saying I had a better weekend than you but at least one of us knows someone who got to pee in a cyber truck.

I think the thermometer is broken. The thermometer has to be broken, right?

“It hallucinates confidently” seems…problematic. Especially at the FDA 😬😳🤬

I just saw a family vlogger say that they would never allow their children to be on reality TV. What do you think you are doing to your kids right now?

Carvel acquired, bummed they didn't have chocolate sprinkles though. This is the only time I've ever had fun in an airport.

Just had the best BLT of my life, and now I hear there is a Carvel outside airport security! I'm truly living my best life

I got a runway view room with a patio at the hotel airport, so I'll be spending my evening eating snacks and watching planes.

The Andreessen guy eats toilet paper, right?

Sir, this is a… uh… I don’t know what this is…

Need some good news for your scroll?? The difference between the background state of the Tropical Atlantic last year, vs this year so far is stark. The ocean is much cooler. The air (pwats) is much drier. And the pressure is much higher. 1/

🎶Good, good, good, good crustaceans She's giving me some crustaceans Good, good, good, good crustaceans 🎶

We need a new AC and holy shit am I tired of having to replace things. We're still waiting for the roof guy to fix cosmetic issues with the roof after the replacement. We had a leak on the patio roof and now there is a big hole in it. It just feels like everywhere I look things are falling apart.

I'm 48 and 1/4 and I'm pretty sure tomorrow is the day I'm going to stop all of my bad habits and really pull myself together.

The combination of crazy loud thunder and non-stop fireworks is going to make me crazier than I already am

I just threw some bacon in the oven for burgers tomorrow and I was so proud of myself for getting all of the bacon on one cookie sheet. Turns out Hormel has raised their price 50 cents and instead of a lb. of bacon it is now 12 oz.

It's hard to adequately summarize how destructive NOAA's 2026 proposed budget released on Monday is for hurricane forecasting, but I crammed all I could into today's newsletter. I encourage everyone with interests along the coast to read it carefully. ⬇️

I know we are all here for teal dress taking no shit from anyone, but can we talk about how terrible the shoes on red dress are?

“Ray, when Fox News asks if you’re a god of democracy, you say yes!!”

A huge blow was dealt to hurricane forecasters this week as a critical tool was abruptly terminated by the Department of Defense and NOAA. The immediate discontinuation of data from three weather satellites will severely impact hurricane forecasts this season and beyond. More ⬇️

My parents have decided a family reunion at Disney World in AUGUST would be a good idea. I have no problem planning it, but there is no way I'm walking into one of the parks for more than an hour. I don't want to die.

This might be a good time to admit that I bought the nerds gummy clusters that everyone has been enjoying, and I don't think they are anything special. Don't @ me bc I'm a little high and V confused. I'm gonna go clean my eyelids now.

I accidentally got a little high and now I'm very aware of my eyelids

A word search game did not accept shart as an answer, so I guess that game has never farted and also shit a little.