There's too many #glasto channels. Someone will say "loving Max Geldray on the Poppyfield stage" and then I have to spend five minutes checking BBCs One, Two, Three, Four, plus eight online feeds - one of which is currently showing Radiohead from 1997. I feel like a Gallery Producer losing his grip.

I always find something new to love when I come to Bristol, and this time it’s that they’ve made a second hand clothes/ craft/ art space in the old M&S. Reminds me of Afflecks Palace in Manchester when I was a youngster. sparksbristol.co.uk

This Bristol estate agent is bringing ‘internet recipe blogger’ energy to its listings. It’s very sweet, but I really just want to know how many toilets there are

Sleep, box like a gentleman (Queensberry Rules, opponent - a fly), then sleep a bit more. Our cat Bernard is living the life of a Victorian opium addict.

I’m so old that I’m getting into embroidery, but equally, I’m so immature that when people talk about their hoops, I presume they’re talking about their bumholes.

Is Lady Marmalade from the Moulin Rouge song Paddington’s girlfriend

Finally, the male equivalent of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’

Everyone used to write down what was on #totp every week right? With little drawings depicting what you thought of the song? And for obvious reasons this episode from 1979 won’t be shown on telly……

"Everyone else in this class uses the front door, while you fall in backwards through the upstairs window. I pray to St. Jude every time I open your homework." - my high school maths teacher on my general aptitude for numbers.

I was expelled. That was pretty bad feedback

Introduce yourself with your worst feedback from school: “Lazy, disinterested and content to do only the minimum” From my PE teacher. I think she meant “uninterested” but other than that it’s all still true.

Well, might as well start porting these over. 🎭 Dramatic Monologue: 'S Club Party' by S Club 7

IPA M People LPGA URL The connection.

Heard my husband singing softly in the other room, thought he was serenading the cats, but he was doing this:

Wasn’t sure if this should be “who’s” or “whose” so, naturally, I got out my phone to check …

- Excuse me, what's the difference between the chicken strip meal and the chicken Möbius strip meal? - The chicken strip meal comes with two sides...

- Hello, RSPCA. - Hello. There's a polecat clinging to my ceiling fan. - I don't believe you. - Well you'll have to take my whirred ferret.

Actors who can cure my lisp? I'm pretty sure Anne Hathaway but I'm going to ask Colin Firth.

This is what I’m reading right now. 3 chapters in. Delightful so far.

This is Appa, our eldest’s stray who came in from the cold about 5 years ago. She’s around 12-14 years old and likes to hide in the bottom of our wardrobe when she visits

Hello. I’m Lucy, this is Bernard. He came to us as a scruffy but rakishly charming stray. He stared at us through the window and wouldn’t budge. Our other two cats eventually allowed him in. Now he sleeps with his tummy on full display and guards our boxes of cat food for us.