*stops festive drinking *reverts back to regular drinking

Notice: Anyone caught looking at the sky this evening without a fireworks ticket will be arrested.

Hey @visitwakefield.bsky.social Look what I just found!

It's Tuesday and no, it's not difficult to keep track.

Ad: New Jellycat™ moments in political history. Add to your extensive Jellycat collection with a soft plush scene of the Trial of Sadam Hussain, or Richard Nixon's Resignation Speech.

Found some videos. Some great friends on here. And maybe a dodgy one. drive.google.com/file/d/1dumV...

It was actually a Tweet I did about Christmas cards that got me hooked on twitter and eventually led to me setting up Visit Wakefield. It wasn't this Tweet, this is another classic from Dec 2019.

Just wanted to get this in early (as is traditional).

A quiet morning prepping stock and stuffing, listening to jazz is probably better than Christmas Day itself.

RIP

So Kevin the Carrot gets married in front of a pile of roasted carrots. Is this a show of power of Kevin's authoritarian regime? Like putting the heads of your enemies on spikes? Or is he into necrophilia and is trying to get himself warmed up for the wedding night?

Me and my wife moving into our new house 15 years ago: We'll just have one small screen in the lounge. Now: 7 screens throughout the house, excluding phones and tablets.

If Arriva busses are reading this, you need to revert the 110 back to the old route over Crown Point Bridge. This would save 10-15 minutes in rush hour not having to merge onto South Accommodation Road. This is 95% the reason I don't get the bus to work.

When I was a kid I used to get the 101 bus into town. In those days the custom was to just say the fare you wanted to pay. Me: 10p please. Driver: Ta luv. Getting the bus regularly, I knew the custom so felt confident using the service.

Urgh, Wakefield is so vulgar these days with its wealth, gold, cars etc.

Good morning Wakefield!

Visit Wakefield this Christmas or we'll have your guts for garters.

There’s only two ways out of Barnsley. You can teach yourself out, or you can fight yourself out. There is a third way, which is to take the A61 towards Wakefield, but very few people choose to do that.

Merry f#£king Christmas.

Lecturer translations: You're obviously passionate about your subject = You're biased You sound like you have a lot of experience = You need to do more research

This is not normal for December.

I keep thinking there's a police car outside the house. Bloody neighbours with their LED Christmas lights.

They have cash and carries for everything these days.

Breaking news: Climate Scientists confirm that the human race is now doomed to extinction because Andy from Ossett threw a Nutella jar in the household waste as he couldn't be arsed cleaning it out.

I think I'm going to start drinking Guinness Zero at work instead of coffee. Morning Break... Pint of Guinness. Important team meeting... Pint of Guinness. Lecturing a group of students... Pint of Guinness.

An early Tweet of mine picked up by TwopTwips that got me addicted to favs and inspired me to set up VW.

When your random playlist serves up a banger from your youth that you'd completely forgotten about. Viceral. open.spotify.com/track/4Zjf4X...

A cheeky little message from Amazon on WhatsApp is about as welcome as a cheeky little message from the STD clinic about your results.

Deirdre isn't doing too well since her husband died. Probably because because she's trying to take two days at a time contrary to popular advice.

Just heard there was a talk by Team17 yesterday on Worms in Wakefield museum. Next Saturday EA are coming to do a talk on head lice.

Word of the day is ‘quockerwodger’ (19th century): a puppet politician whose strings are pulled entirely by someone else.

The board games in your cupboard are all over 20 years old. The answers are: Fax Machine, Daniel Bedingfield, World Wide Web, Lindsay Lohan and 24.

About 45 minutes into teaching an online class before I realised I was using my wife's special glass.

Ad: Wakefield Bathroom Carpets. Available in Green or Yellow. Deep pile or shag pile.

News: Wakefield Football Federation announces it will, for the first time, be awarding a Best City Prize.

My podiatrist told me I have the feet of a runner.

Traffic lights are a weird phenomenon. I mean how often do you see people breaking the rules whilst driving? Speeding, throwing litter, overtaking dangerously, tailgating... But it's very rare to see people not stop at a red light. It's like the final taboo.

Until AI can make polite small talk with superiors whilst harbouring a deep seated resentment and masking a crippling mental illness, I think my job is safe.

I feel like I need to get one of these badges, but instead of a slider it's just permanently fixed in the red.

If you laid all the sweets, made by Wakefield District's Haribo factory for Halloween, in a line, you'd have enough to give every child in Great Britain type 2 diabetes. #WakeyPedia

Classy when you're rich but trashy when you're poor.

Just apologised to a homeless man for not being a smoker.

The "Past Members" section of the Wheatus Wikipedia page is worth a read. As a taster, someone has created a graphical timeline:

-Hey, we've just dumped a load of pumpkins in that field over there. Do you want to pick one up? -Yeah, sure. -Ok, that'll be £25 please.

I've just found out I've been pronouncing Poke Bowl incorrectly. I can't show my face in Leeds ever again.

Drill a hole through one of those and you've got a nice souvenir keyring.

I'm beginning to think Norwich and Durham are actually the same. Have you ever seen them both in the same same place as the same time? Thought not.

I wish people would shut up about not being able to say anything anymore. I'd call them out but you're not allowed to say anything anymore. I'm not even allowed to post this post anymore.

Look at my massive hand.

After hearing the terrible news that's affected Leeds this week, we'd like to announce that we're laying down our arms and are willing to welcome those displaced by the inhumane conditions that Roundhay residents will soon have to endure. #WarOnLeeds