Just saw a dog piss on one of these Uber Eats drones in Hyde Park

I’ve been listening to a lot of Wes Montgomery of late and have two things to report: 1: His cover of A Day In The Life GOES PLACES m.youtube.com/watch?v=psvs... 2: Man loved octave chords so much he’s halfway to skatepunk. Sounds like Lagwagon doing a lounge set.

Pretty sure this is the precise moment when the internet stops being the internet and becomes the warp from WH40K

Have you ever tried explaining Ton Cruise’s Cocktail to someone who’s never seen it? Because I had to the other day and it’s really hard.

Madness’ Wings of a Dove but Malcolm Tucker’s singing and he’s changed the words to WOAH WOAH ON THE WINGS OF A CUNT

Hey dawg I heard you like super-compressed summaries of Field Marshall Lord Alanbrooke’s War Diaries so I’ve been super-compressing Field Marshall Lord Alanbrooke’s War Diaries for you

The theme tune to The Liz Truss Show has legit dive bombs in it which is so gloriously on-brand that I might just die of joy. m.youtube.com/watch?v=PpH8...

When you google an ailment and the Mayo Clinic comes up are you like wtf condiment healthcare get the hell outta here?

Going to switch up my mindless vandalism to mindful vandalism. Crown the city-centre statue of self-actualisation with the traffic cone of positive affirmation.

***WHO’D WIN?*** Suzanne Vega vs Vega from Street Fighter 2?

New Dr Who’s a bit dark

“Got any Craig David?” “SORT OF”

When you leave the telly on to keep the dog company do you let them watch any old tosh or subject them to endless BBC4 doccos about hessian tabards in pre-Reformation Bohemia?

My wife’s great-great-aunt was a woman called Fanny Grimes (for realsies) who became embroiled in a Canoeman-esque scandal of yore. Matey over at Bury the Leeds has just written up her story and it is EXCELLENT. burytheleeds.substack.com/p/a-scandalo...

Ok now we’re getting to the important stuff

Remember that old iphone hack where you’d pretend to rent a really long film from the itunes store (LoR Return of the King was the go-to) and your phone would magically clear out a couple of free gb from absolutely nowhere? That was cool/weird.

I wish there was an option to choose your GP based on their inherent levels of vice/human weakness. Like, how the hell am I supposed to relate to someone who has so demonstratively got their life together? Uh-uh - I want them reeking of fags and bad choices.

Here’s a very niche rail beef for you: See the seconds pulsing on the time there? They’re not actually seconds. It pulses 40 times in a minute. It’s an absolute scandal.

It’s mad to think back to the absolute stranglehold the Black Eyes Peas had on this country. Like a solid three years of full-spectrum BEP without a moment’s respite. Unfathomable.

The roof The roof The roof is on fire We do actually really need some water In order to stop it burning

Do you think there’s a market for personalised Epstein Files? Perfect crimbo gift innit.

Ok, this looks juicy www.politicshome.com/news/article...

Why is he showing her a slice of ham he’s wiped his bum with?

A couple that I could see weirdly working: Dave Mustaine and Liz Truss

In an alternate timeline, you’re abandoned as a child and adopted by Hall and Oates (who are a couple in this world). They are divorcing and the judge lets you decide who gets custody. Are you Halling or are you Oatesing?

Mad how I’ve been told my whole life how the US Constitution is this semi-mystical forcefield that’s so chock full of guardrails and failsafes that nothing bad can ever happen. Turns out that it’s really just an idea that doesn’t work if people simply ignore it.

Every time I tell someone that I can’t get my head around how heat pumps, they always tell me that it’s really simple as it’s a reverse fridge and then I have to pretend like I know how a fridge works.

A tenner says warheads on foreheads in Venezuela before the month is out

I think it’s time we brought the roflcopter back. Enough time has passed.

Yesterday my daughter asked if the dog is a furry and I have to admit that it’s messed with my head a bit

Been reading the latest RUSI report on Ukraine and it’s proper grim. Full-on Mad Max/Cyberpunk crossover with a bit of WWI thrown in for good measure. www.rusi.org/explore-our-...

Just ordered a second run of Rubbish Seaside books so that you lot don’t cry yourself to sleep this crimbo loudribs.com/product/the-...

Finally realised that I’m basically my dog’s roadie

We’re off to see 4AM Kru tonight and genuinely unsure if we’ll be nicely anonymous in a sea of BBC6 Dads or a right pair of lemons who look like they’ve escaped from a care home. m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTqQ...

Turn to Stone > Mr Blue Sky

Saw someone strutting through town today, ostentatiously swigging Perrier straight out of a litre bottle. Very aggressive act - white cider is appropriate on Briggate, NOT Perrier.

I am seeing a lot of yoot in Type-O Negative shirts at the mo. Was not expecting that lot to get a second wind.

If - like me - your musical life is basically an unending and largely unsuccessful quest to find something decently Blue Album-ish, then you could do a lot worse than these guys m.youtube.com/watch?v=FHvC...

Which is the more aggressively effective a cappella earworm? Suzanne Vega’s Tom’s Diner or Shanice’s I Love Your Smile?

DYSTOPIAN SCI-FI IDEA Totalitarian society where everyone must share the same birthday. Born outside of that day? Into the bin with you. Whole population fixated on timing everything *just right*. Materno wards deserted apart from one day a year. Dr’s rich AF from date-falsifying backhanders.

After a minor hiatus, I am back on my Field Marshal Alanbrooke bullshit. Sept-Nov 1942 now in-thread.

In 1994, I won a compo where the prize was a trip to the D-Day beaches with a bunch of other Year 9s. One of of the lads was a proper bellend. We were both mundo grunge but he spent the whole time having a pop at how I’d never heard of Blind Melon. Well I’m listening to them now and they’re SHIT.

Been seeing a lot of AI-is-coming-for-your-therapist headlines so I want to tell you a story from back when I was a lovely primary care mental health worker with the NHS. This was back around 2006ish, when we were in the thick of CBT WILL CURE ALL mania.

No weapons. Anything else goes. Who’s winning? Hale & Pace or Chase & Status?

I reckon AI is about to give us a very intense crash course as to why it’s a good thing that artists are defined by their limitations.

Would PM Dawn make a good PM? Discuss.

I’m having less of a day and more a series of events increasingly weird encounters

Procrastinating wildly earlier and made this out of the Teignmouth rather than do any actual work.

While in #LeedsCornExchange this morning, it felt only right and proper to purchase some @loudribs.bsky.social prints 😊

Wind is just new air innit?