Back before the far right had grok and had to get the crayons out jah bless

Pretty mega PMQs, this

Mad how I forgot how absolutely god-tier Frank Ocean’s Blonde is. I can’t even tell you why I like it so much - it’s just bloody brilliant.

I’ve made a subreddit solely for the purpose of flexing my *extremely* good machine gun impression. reddit.com/r/MachineGunNoises Come and have a go if you think you’re ‘ard enough. [spoiler alert] You aren’t

I want to start a band that’s a ethical alternative to Choking Victim. Like maybe Choking Survivors Who Now Warn Other About The Dangers of Choking.

Watching The Rock for the first time in yonks. Whose grave is this and how do they relate to the plot? Oh - cool, got it.

Things playing music in a shop has taught me: If you want universal approval: September by Earth, Wind and Fire, Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder or anything by The Ronettes If you want punters to audibly go ‘hooooooooo!’: Sorry Ms Jackson by Outkast

Snooker, but you get to pick the music that’s playing *LOUDLY* on your opponent’s turn

I believe this to be the most consequential crisp of the last 30 years, effortlessly straddling the gulf between the bog standard and the kettle chip. Nothing was the same after the Sweet Chilli Sensation - the crispy landscape was transformed forever. Thank you I will be taking no questions

Not to blow my own trumpet or owt but I do a *really* good machine gun impression

The Greenland thing feels a thousand years old now dunnit?

Someone needs to get Sheridan Smith signed up for a Liz Truss biopic touts pronto.

Absolutely no middle ground with fretless bass players is there? You’re either going to get your head blown off with wild virtuosity or get slowly cringed to death.

So lemme get this straight - at the Makerfield byelection: Starmer will want Reform to win. Reform don’t care who wins. The greens haven’t got a clue who they want to win. The tories… they… they… exist? And Ed Davy is probably just happy to throw up on a waltzer for the cameras or something.

What do reckon Xi said yesterday that made Trump look like he was throwing a whitey?

Something I’ve noticed working with the yoot: A lot of them take the phrase ‘So what do you know then?’ super-literally. Just had one lad look like he was having a panic attack as he desperately tried to retrieve the entirety of a lifetime’s knowledge in but a few seconds.

Tenner says Bridget Phillipson chins someone before the week is out.

This is what it sounds like when a really bad song fights a really good song to a standstill m.youtube.com/watch?v=z7R8...

Streeting vs Starmer is going to look like two haunted Funkopops trying to duff each other up.

I think it’s becoming quite clear that we - as a nation - crave the rule of the supply teacher. Impermanent, contingent authority that *might* just make it to the end of the day but absolutely no further. No homework, no detentions, we won’t even pretend to read from the textbook. What a shitshow.

Wes mate, you are a silly, silly lad.

We can’t have three pub quiz PMs on the bounce. I’m not having it.

Someone should invent a jpeg that gradually adds a sepia tint to photos over time.

JFC we are UNGOVERNABLE at this point

DEEP RUBBISH SEASIDE LORE

Gotta respect the takeaway round the corner’s meta-branding

Which Rubbish Seaside scuffer does your birth month insist you are?

I’m sure this whole plague ship thing is absolutely fine. No way 2026 would pull a fast one on us.

It’s been 20 years but I still think about how David Cameron picked Fake Plastic Trees for one of his Desert Island Disks. I think about it *a lot*. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p...

FUCK OFF TOM MCTAGUE NO-ONE NEEDS THESE WEIRD LITTLE WEEKLY HOMILIES ABOUT HOW HOW YOU WERE ONCE SHOCKED TO MEET A CHILD THAT HAD NEVER BEEN TO THE HAY FESTIVAL OR HOW 6 WEEKS IN A GǏTE IS A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT JUST GIVE US OUR FUCKING LEADERS BACK YOU VOLVO BOTHERING BEDWETTER

What percentage of songs that you’re familiar with do you think you reliably know the bulk of the lyrics to?

Big proponent of Anand Sweet’s samosa. FOR: Excellent filling volume Bit of kick Nice exterior thickness A welcome change to standard issue samosa Checkering! AGAINST Bag not completely see through Bubbles could be bigger Acreage OVERALL A *very* strong contender in the enthusiast space

The mid/late-90s punk scene was a weird place. There wasn’t a right lot to be angry about so we ended up with songs about how bad Nectar cards were -> m.youtube.com/watch?v=lT5F...

Today I will be mostly continuing to livetweet Alanbrooke’s War Diaries from the comfort of the garden - at least until I get fed up of him doing his World #1 Monty Fanboi thing/Mediterranean monomania/FUCK OFF BIG LUNCHes. So probably not that long then.

Well annoying that Moby’s made some decent tunes innit?

Pleased to see that Leeds’ most important cultural landmark is still standing proud 💪💪💪

Bet whoever did this is dead handsome

There’s mad queues outside a frozen yoghurt place in Headingley and it very much feels like the premise for an episode of Seinfeld.

Been buggering around with these this arvo

Go on then - we’ll give the egg campaign another shake, seeing how the weather’s set fair

Brutal how the Magnum made the Feast obsolete overnight. No fanfare, no ceremony, just bang - sorry son, but it’s over.

World War IV’s a bit of a mouthful innit?

Never complain. Never explain.

Just seen my first swallow of the year here in Leeds - a week earlier than last year. THIS HAD BETTER MEAN IT’S GOING TO BE A GOOD BLOODY SUMMER

Concept album where every track is a review of another band’s concept album.

I have not Angine de Poitrined yet but the internet is very insistent that I should be Angine de Poitrining.

I’ve been on a mad China tip of late and have a cool panda factoid for you: Prior to the communist takeover, no-one gave a shit about pandas. They were totally irrelevant as animals go. Zero unread messages in the panda inbox.

Pretty sure that about 37.467% of the internet is now just this guy quoting mad bastards saying mad bastard stuff

Amyone else get the feeling that art is not handling reality very well these days? Like, every target is moving too fast and too randomly to ever draw a bead on?

“Well I DOUBLE BLOCKADE you!!!”