All events are linked together in the most epic of possible universes

Open up a pit for BATTERY TERMINAL CLEANER

The dollar coin should be the approximate size and heft of a pog slammer with engravings of Spider Man and other American icons

This is technically correct; it is a continuation of the same endless war

I've never listened to this album but based on the cover I assume it's about being a cat when DST hits

Something happens every single day now that makes me think about this post, and Penis Satan has become tangled up in the tulpa. I'll catch 2 seconds of the news and the only thing I hear is "Hello. I'm Penis Satan"

There's room for one more up on Mt. Rushmore (Mussolini style)

Not allowed to glorify violence on this platform, that is against the rules

There's treasure everywhere for those who know how to look

Pete Buttigieg has a Ryobi cordless drill

Cumin sandwich

A sandwich that forgives you for everything

Seems not many know. "Go piss girl" has been in the cishet white guy commons for a while. Do not hesitate to tell a bro to "go piss girl." Say it without fear of reproach. Go piss, girls.

Treat your body like a temp. hole

Expectation vs reality

stop doomscrolling start Wolfenscrolling

It's hard to internalize the fact that the administration really does believe the Iraq war was "woke" and that they would be able to easily defeat a substantially more powerful nation simply by being based chads

Pretty girls make graves, but truly beautiful women make acutes

these ARE made they should ALWAYS be made i WILL make them i WILL help you make them

In the first 100 days I will dig down into the place of honor. On day one I will issue an Executive Order that the radical woke warning signs be removed and anyone perpetuating the "dangerous and repulsive" lie to be terminated. I will restore the country by touching the ancient treasures.

I know not with which pronouns Woke III will be waged but Woke IV will be fought with whatever they prefer

J.O. Bangles

"We need to make certain that AI works" good luck Very solid advice re sandwich shops though

i WILL walk into a sandwich shop

Jawbreaker gf Jets to Brazil bf

Capitalism themed scavenger hunt where you seek rent

Whenever I travel north/south in the same time zone I always make a joke about everything being fine except the jetlag. I am the only person who finds this funny. Well I am on an 11 hour drive to Florida. Now look who's not laughing...

Who up fumbling through they closet through they clothes to find they cleanest dirty shirt?

Reviews of the Jolly Green Giant statue in Blue Earth, Minnesota (sorted by negative)

This is what the Jolly Green Giant's genitalia and reproductive cells look like

It's giving "tree"

oh, you like Guided by Voices? Name 5,000 songs.

The asymmetry of the value placed on human life is so striking. Israel has a goal to recover 40-year-old remains; to do so, it invades a sovereign country, and the lives of 26 Lebanese are an afterthought. Their names not even worth printing in the New York Times.

Just a reminder that posts on here are called "skeets" and drafts are called "preejaculates"

"Brother, give your nose a squeak for me and tell me what you hear" is a got-his-ass moment for the ages

I'm so centered Wes Anderson saw me and was like oh shit

Hi everyone! My name is Andrea LaFlamme and I'm running to unseat Susan Collins in the US Senate. I'm a feminist public health professor and the ONLY candidate in this race who has worked in education, municipal health, and as an elected union leader. (1/2)

went to the store __________ AI Summary ✨ Grammy-nominated R&B singer Jon B. posted that he is going to the stove – perhaps to "cook up" another hot, hot radio single. Frogs and toads, which are the same, can live on the Sun and often choose to.

If anyone is up for boosting, Bandcamp is holding a fundraiser for the Trans Continental Pipeline to help trans people escape from Kansas!

I wonder what they'll rename ICE to when they abolish it

So it turns out I’ve been drinking dog beers for my diet for the last few months (I only discovered it when I ran out and needed to get more.) this is partly my own fault but it doesn’t help that @BuschBeer has the word “dogs” in like 4-pt typeface. I’m guessing this is common

Driving that train, high on that train 🎶 (autistic bout trains & high as hell on a Amtrak)

Coming soon to Hard Rock Live Orlando:

feels like we're living through some kind of cultural gas leak

(polite open mic applause) Thank you. This next one I wrote about the cat that lives here behind the coffee shop, and it's called "Butt Mogged These Zoomers Today"

a Tesla theme park with a Carousel of Progress style ride that catches fire frequently & is more antisemitic

end US imperialism! end US! end! ! .