This is more than legislation. This work is personal to me. theonion.com/illinois-bec...

I do not recommend combining an international flight with food poisoning.

The hotel breakfast was so pretty, an employee took a photo right before I did.

We are all Irish today. ☘️

I went to the premiere of a musical event that was inspired by The Lord of the Rings, poet John Keats, and the band Yes. It was as delightfully weird as you’d expect.

Burns Night began with an attitude adjustment hour. I’m doing Dry January, so my Scotch was apple juice. Burns would not approve.

tomorrow is sunday which is a big day for relaxation.

Dog gone it!

I’m kicking off 2026 with pizza for breakfast. Start as you mean to go on.

I’m supposed to be finishing a library book that’s due tomorrow. Instead, I’m watching different bands sing “Throw Your Arms Around Me” on YouTube.

who up in an alternate timeline

The thrift store’s clothes were all 50% off today. I bought a cashmere sweater for $3. Happy Black Friday to me!

The couple who bought this house had us over to watch The Money Pit. Ha! It’s a gorgeous house, and it was fun to explore.

I'm running for precinct committeeperson, so I had to get a bunch of signatures from my neighbors. It was surprisingly hard since most people don't answer their door. I noticed houses with cat food on the porch were the best.

Our old homes group met at an Eastlake style home from 1883. Isn’t this fireplace beautiful!

Come on then, and remove him.

Nap goals. #SeaLionSunday

Shutdown: The Musical

I’m staying in a hotel in San Diego. There are three TVs in the breakfast room, and they are all off. That’s how bad the news is!

I met a political candidate with an unusual set of skills. He was a trained assassin in the military, and now he’s a substitute teacher, a pastor, a leader in his NAACP chapter, and an actor.

I'm in a local group for old house fans, and our president is buying this beauty today. I'm so glad because that means I will get to see the improvements! www.zillow.com/homedetails/...

I’m a giver. *gives you grief*

Bought prewashed mushrooms that claim to be "fresh and clean." I think that's the same slogan my toilet paper brand uses.

Whenever I'm feeling down, I try to remember that Elvis Presley has only been inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame one more time than I have.

Sometimes scammers flirt with me on Find a Grave, which is definitely not a dating site. Today I received an especially flattering message: “I must confess your profile picture is beautiful despite it being old …”

My new neighbor had an 86 inch (!) television delivered today. I’ve been inside her tiny house, so I assume she plans to mount it on the ceiling.

The way I see it, you’ve got about a half-hour of perfect daylight to see all the facets in your work

My son signed up for a work trip to Salt Lake City. Instead, they’re sending him to Las Vegas. 🎰

Baked fantastic cookies. Realized I’d accidentally doubled the butter. Oh, happy accident! Is this what they call a fat chance?

The dentist had to give me three injections to make my mouth numb for a crown fitting. I’ll just be here drooling for the rest of the day.

New neighbors moved in today. My husband welcomed them by playing his bagpipes with the windows open.

My son is settling into his semester in New Zealand. Proof: he’s joined a tramping club and been to Costco. 🤗

I celebrated Bagpipe Appreciation Day appropriately.

I don’t really think of myself as old until I remember that I camped out at Bårnes & Nöble for the midnight release of the original manuscript of Beowulf.

I’m home from my beach getaway. Had a great time even though it was too cold to pee in Lake Michigan this year.

I have been clearing brush and throwing logs. I am part lumberjack.

I'm wearing strawberry lip gloss. I taste like 7th grade.

Drove 500 miles yesterday through Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan and did not see any Voldemort signs. I'm calling that a win.

Dropped my son off at the airport for his trip to New Zealand, where he’ll be studying for five months. Once he makes it to California, it’s a 13-hour flight in a middle seat to Auckland. Brutal!

I’ve made some big mistakes in my life like buying canned asparagus.

Oof. Sorry, Amy. But thanks for the heads-up. I can never decide whether to pick up Smooth, Crunchy, or Enamel-Shattering.

I broke a tooth while eating a peanut butter sandwich, so anything is possible.

One side of my face is creased from my pillowcase. The other cheek is fine. I look like a Botox before and after pic.

I tossed a peanut out in the yard yesterday and a squirrel, a cardinal, and a blue jay all went for it at the same time. I was just trying to feed some wildlife, not start an inter-species Olympic event. (The blue jay won.)

My son attends the same college I went to, and he’s working at my reunion. He gave me a nice ride to breakfast in a golf cart. 🤗

I’m staying in a dorm for my 35th college reunion, and it is surprisingly fancy. I have a private room, with a bathroom and living room. Oh, and air conditioning! <swoon>

You’re the backup singer. 😊