This is exactly right. The Onion quietly left Twitter a month ago and... our weekly subscribers went up. It's because we're doing well here, on Instagram and on YouTube. As a business, being on Twitter is somewhere between useless or detrimental, unless you're selling boner pills.

This CJNG news in Mexico is *nuts* - leader killed in a raid by Mexican security services - cartel is now actively engaging Mexican forces across multiple states. - No evidence Delta Force was involved. People seem to be getting confused with “Delta” faction of CJNG

1/ Trump says he's imposing tariffs under Section 122 of the Trade Act of 1974 (19 USC 2132) on the basis of "balance of payments deficits" between the US and the rest of the world. It's a law that has never been used. There's only one problem: the US doesn't *have* a balance-of-payment deficit.

2026 🌊 Thanks to all those voting!

If you are praising Tucker Carlson, you can just leave it at that -- you are praising Tucker Carlson.

Good. /obligatory grumpy cat

Wait. The Danes stepped up to help Squidward D Sailor in a time when Trump is threatening Greenland/the world and Trump decides to shit in their mouths? This fuckin' guy.

Me, when I get on and see 30+ notifications.

The Trump administration is apprehending and designating immigrant kids as “unaccompanied,” even as their parents in the U.S. search for them.

Considering the U.S. Navy’s two hospital ships USNS Mercy (T-AH-19) and USNS Comfort (T-AH-20) are in maintenance, it’s not even clear one could be sent right now… or that one was ever realistically going to be dispatched in the first place.

On top of this, I was reading an anecdotal piece on how much the flow of donated good by the Russian people to the soldiers has dried up either from lack of enthusiasm or economic hardship. www.rand.org/pubs/comment...

and citizens and and and. /god so much shit.

I still wonder if ISU has an undiagnosed multiple personality disorder of some sort.

Still incredibly relevant, 3 years on.

Still incredibly in love with her voice. www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n57...

Ima step up and trust Steve on this before Raw Story, no offense at all to their reporting.

wait... 1. that is real? 2. that is TODAY'S post?!

Also, Grace Potter has never (imho) been as popular as she deserved to be. www.youtube.com/watch?v=paeN...

Thinks are still looking dire for old Vlad. Gosh I just hate this for him. Snake Island sends its regards, bitches.

Social choices as you age get interesting. Instead of going out with friends I opted to stay home, sip scotch, and listen to the Dead South.

My daughter Z vs ChatGPT 3-4 years old: ✅✅ Confidently spouts completely wrong information: ✅✅ Consumes 85,000 gallons of water daily: ❌✅ Dances adorably: ✅❌ Hope that helps Sam

Yard gnome angry at life.

This is a credible allegation. The victim sued Jeffrey Epstein and received a settlement. Pam Bondi was lying when she said there is no evidence Trump did anything wrong.

I hadn't put that context squarely in my head, but yea. They are correct.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders' plan to build a huge mega-prison in rural Arkansas has drawn major opposition, with some residents saying it's made them think differently about incarceration in the face of organizing. Now that's bleeding into a local election, as candidates vow to fight the governor. NEW:

Also - Jesse is out here clubbing fools. www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm8T...

I've loved the sound of these guys for years, and enjoy the hell out of new music from them and that old school horns and soul sound. www.youtube.com/watch?v=APNy...

Dear Diedrich Bader's phone, thank you for making me feel seen.

I keep this image on my desktop now because of how often I have to use it.

Apropos of nothing, (and this was quite the movie back in the day)... www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh3t...

When you get called out by Pizza Balls....

Dude has got no bottom, apparently. Just another sign that if we don't wash the money out of our politics, or at least put in a hell of a prolonged attempt while we try to get out this morass of bullshit, we don't have a long run

I really do love the Modern Bill Kristol, not gonna lie.

The Iowa State student government has rules that say you cannot use your elected position for personal gain. The President of the student government took a paid position that was dependent on being president and signed an NDA to try to hide it. He was impeached.

This is as dark as the Elmo twitter response thread was, but somehow worse.

Hilarious

New High Kings, so it wasn't an awful week. www.youtube.com/watch?v=FM4_...

The Naanistate there allows this madness?!

An ICE agent shot and killed Ruben Ray Martinez, a US citizen and San Antonio resident, in March 2025. Then ICE and the Texas Department of Public Safety covered it up. He was 23 years old. I am calling for a full investigation into this shooting, including why there was an 8-month cover up.

Oh. God just referred to Trump as President Epstein, annnnd I think its a banger we should use.

There is quite a pot of money over in Dubai or someplace from some oil we seized. just saying.

Texas, help the world out. Try to make Paxton go away and never ever ever come back into the light.

BREAKING: The federal judges in the Eastern District of Virginia unanimously appointed longtime litigator James W. Hundley to serve as interim U.S. attorney on Friday — and the Trump Justice Department almost immediately fired him.

Let me show you a wardrobe you can build with $1,700 🧵

BREAKING: Judge who allowed FBI to search Washington Post reporter’s home rips into Justice Department for not informing him of the law that explicitly bars raids of reporters

Neal Katyal son of immigrants went to SCOTUS won & overturned tariffs, Alysa Liu, daughter of an immigrant, went Olympics & won gold. Winners representing a fraction of the myriad contributions to American society made every damn day by immigrants. Diversity is our strength USA.

Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince Andrew https://theonion.com/aide-wearily-begins-5th-explanation-of-why-trump-cant-pardon-prince-andrew/

Public health isn't a thing, I guess. That is utterly bonkers.

There are still good things. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX_v...

Trump has suffered major losses recently — in both federal courts and the court of public opinion. It's why he lashes out at the media, spreads lies, attacks his political enemies, and tries to rig elections. These are the actions of a tyrant with his back against the wall. Be warned.