Christ on a cracker (the last supper, oil on saltine)

Every morning a German shepherd shits on my front lawn, this morning he brought his dog.

If youse are reading this it means I haven been murdered attemptedly.. #auspol

I drove a senior citizen to the polls today. He was approached by one of the anti-LGBT school board candidates as he departed the car. He told her to fuck off and get a life.

As a cisgender straight white man, I fully support the Transgender Insurgency. Is there a way I can support this group financially? 🙏 😁 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ #auspol #TransLivesMatter

Learn English with Pauline...

Let it be said that Pauline Hanson is just a vile, ignorant, racist, transphobic white supremacist cunt and not much less than that. Freedom of speech and all that... #auspol #npc #phon

Today, Pauline Hanson complained about people who have difficulty speaking English. Luckily, her speech provided the perfect example for anyone wanting to learn the language.

To everyone who helped bring the Obama Presidential Center to life, thank you. Michelle and I are so grateful for all your dedication and hard work over the years. I got a little teary-eyed tonight thinking about my mother-in-law, Marian Robinson.

What I don't understand, is why didn't a single journalist stand up and say: "Thank your showing up today, but just about everything you said was incoherent, largely incomprehensible, but most of all; batshit crazy. #auspol #PHON #npc

PRESENTING...!! Our Pauline Hanson National Press Club Address drinking game..! Join in the fun with all those pisshead journo's at the NPC..! Live on the ABC from 12:30pm...! #Auspol #PHON #NPC

It's a beautiful painting.

So let me get this straight: we bomb them, and then we have to pay for the repairs too? Wow. This doesn’t sound like winning to me. It sounds like a win for the military-industrial complex, not for the American citizen.

Squirrel asks human for a drink of water.

Dave Hughes made a good income, by acting like he was stupid. It seems now, that wasn't acting.

That time I had to drive Uber to make a living...

New One Nation brooches #auspol

RIP David Hockney...

As Elon Musk becomes a trillionaire, remember he pays less tax than you do. www.theguardian.com/science/2026...

The same police who push for a surveillance state are the same ones who balk at having to wear body cameras.

OCEANIA HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY CLOSE TO A DEAL WITH EURASIA

Rebecca's "life lessons" tip #722.... If an old friend suggests catching up after work this afternoon for a quick drink for half an hour, don't turn them down. That hour and half could turn out to be the best four hours of your life. 😉

If he dyed his hair red he could get a fair bit of work as a Pauline Hanson impersonator

I just wanted to see him succeed so badly.

“The Bible said homosexuality is a sin.” So is gluttony you fat fuck.

Apart from EVERYONE INVOLVED, who could've imagined that the whole #MAFS set-up might result in a case of unwanted sexual assault/rape....? I mean, who couldn't have seen this coming...? 🤔 *Pardon the pun. 😐

IKEA didn't build renewable generation to power 1.47 million homes because politicians told them to. They did it because the economics stacked up. With much of the investment already paid off, savings of over half a billion USD per year on electricity costs, the fundamentals become hard to ignore.

If Crowded House was an Australian band it would have been ‘Yeah nah, yeah nah, don’t dream it’s over’

At the checkout at Chemist Warehouse just now: Shop assistant: "Would you like a bag?" Me: "Yes please." Shop assistant: "Would you like to donate something towards men's health...?" Me: "What, like a kidney..?" Shop assistant: " .... " Me: "...... No, it's okay thanks". Fucksakes. 🙄

This is how to react to the religious nutjobs and homophobes.... 😄 #Pride #PrideMonth

Yesterday, during my morning walk I encountered a homeless guy on the pavement sculling those miniature bottles of bourbon. I was about to suggest that stealing a 500ml bottle would make more sense. Or ask if he needed some help, but I'm no therapist, which is probably for the best.

The RWNJ media are piling on Jacinta Allan with leadership speculation from unnamed sources, replete with stock photos of a grimacing pics. The same smear methodology they used on Gillard and Palaszczuk I’d support Allan over the clown the other side is offering up any day

Richard Marles when I asked if you wanted secondhand subs all along, why didn’t you say that from the beginning? #backpedal

As a lifelong Labor supporter, I can honestly say that Richard Marles is a complete and utter useless twat. #Auspol #abc730

Apropos of absolutely nothing, a #Mondegreen for you. A million years ago, I thought that Eric Carmen was singing "Hungry Arse" (Hungry Eyes in you were wondering).

Match fit and ready to govern...!! #auspol #PHON

Have I misunderstood or has Richard Marles just paid billions for some AUKUS submarines from the op-shop?

The future of the Liberal Party in one photo ... #auspol

I went to the local market this morning and bought a plant and some banana bread. Then I did a shit load of butch manual labor including painting the front door and the courtyard pagoda. It kind of makes sense that all this happened when there's a full moon.

👇👇

I said love, I said pet. I said pet, I said love. I said no, I’m not taking up your offer to apply for the role of Commissioner of the NACC, as I have a conflict of interest. (Draws on cigarette) My lack of interest in doing any work conflicts with your requirement that I appear to do any

Weekend reading sorted… ☺️ #DavidSedaris

EMPLOYMENT UPDATE...!!! Jetstar have offered me a job...!! They asked me to send in a video demonstrating how I would greet customers...! They said they were so impressed with my customer service skills they want me to start on Monday...!! Woo-hoo..!