Pam Bondi isn’t listening to you, Epstein survivors. But the rest of us are.

USA Senators were reading the unredacted Epstein files this afternoon. How many hardons were in that room?

Calling a dude “bra” instead of “bro” is a major difference.

Why did so many ppl vote for him even tho he said outright what he’d be doing? Because those things were so laughable and there was no way an actual American president would or could do those actual things. Joke’s on us now.

Mine would say “Fuck Karen.” Everybody else can go figure out who Karen is.

"The Superbowl Halftime show shouldn't be political," says man who would shit himself with glee if Kid Rock were performing with nothing but a gun and a case of Bud Light

How long will it take the NFL to have Super Bowl on Saturday instead because don’t they know how many millions of ppl are Super Bowl worthless on Monday? Like, duhhhh.

Washington Post new person blahblahwhateverwhatever … What do you do with a corpse?

If ICE “surrounds the polls” in November, we Americans should meet that with our 2nd Amendment right. Seriously. We would need to.

If you’ve ever been married, you know the value on apologizing. Yeah talking to you by DJ Vance and Donald Trump.

2 county sheriff’s dept SUVs showed up for something across the street this morning. For the first time in my long life, I actually thought maybe they came to take me away because of stuff I said here. Only ppl in Russia instinctively think that.

Minneapolis is way the fuck beyond CBP/ICE being“held accountable.”

TrumpRX is live, and surprise - it's EXACTLY THE same discounts you could get before on your own, by going to the drug companies direct savings plans or Good RX, etc. Just another thing he slapped his name on.

missed opportunity for Vance, not working the booing crowd like a wrestling heel.

When he says "We're doing a job like no one has ever seen before." I believe him.

The "staffer"'s name is Dementia. As His Magasty's mind deteriorates, he forgets, more and more, not to be so obvious.

Most of us will be sitting there Sunday with Morgan Freeman going “I have no idea what those Italian ladies were singing, but ….”

You totally have to wonder what horrible childhood bunny experience mustve happened to him.

Donald Trump is such a fkn idiot. If he wants everyone to love him, all he needs to do is fly Air Force One over a major city once a weekend and toss half billion out the back door. Fuck, dude. Wake up.

Sometimes I actually wish I was the dick some ppl say I am. Because then I’d never feel lonesome. Because dicks never care.

We’ve all been there.

We are about two weeks from him using the n-word.

I hope none of my kids ever become famous or fantabulously rich. Because then I won’t ever have to worry abt being kidnapped out of my bed at 1:30 in the morning. .

Comforting/hopeful words to remember when you play the lottery. The odds of winning are really not, like, a million-to-one. They’re actually 50/50: You might win, you might not.

Best band name for a punk/shred metal Puerto Rican band: Rabid Bunny You’re welcome.

Waiting to see what unintended consequence are waiting a few years down the road to spring themselves on everyone shooting up GLP weight-loss miracles. OTOH, they seem to have finally got their shit together on thalidomide these days, so who knows.

OMG, serious? Ppl gonna share their medical info with Donald Trump on his Rx platform? Have ppl all just forgotten Elon Musk or what?

This is funny. Msg showed up in my spam folder demanding bitcoin ransom in exchange for not releasing “5 minutes of porn” from my phone camera. Totally hilarious. Haven’t been intimate with anyone in years.

I'm not that experienced at cheering for sports so I'm just yelling "be better at rugby!" at Ireland

THIS 👇 HERE......

You can scream all you want about the election being rigged, but your lawyers lost their licenses and went bankrupt. We all heard you beg for 11,780 votes. Your poll numbers are in the toilet. The economy is shot, except for your $4B grift. And Epstein is not going away.

If there’s a nuclear war I hope I go immediately. I am very small and weak, I hate guns, the thought of having to kill animals for food makes me sick, and I’ve watched enough zombie shows to know I wouldn’t survive.

I know what my New Year’s resolution is gonna be next year: To not make grunty old-man noises whenever I sit down.

We just wanted to say thank you to the people of Florida for standing up. Two Florida voters have taken legal action against the governor after he issued a proclamation to convene a special legislative session on congressional redistricting this April. Their filing with the state’s highest court

👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

“When you don’t see women for a long time, you start valuing them differently. You want to hear their voice, to feel that feminine presence. It doesn’t even matter who it is, a friend or just someone you know. You simply need that energy. And you start noticing beauty in ways you didn’t before.”

National Prayer Breakfast if you’re president. Pretty fkn simple: 1. Show up. 2. Say a prayer. 3. Leave Exactly how fucking hard is that???

Good thing our fucktard president has billions of dollars squirreled away. Be cause that sorry fuck would never make it as a comedian. Even tho that’s the way he’s running our country.

Our fucktard national president at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning. Oh. My. Fucking. God!!

instead of answering questions from Democratic House members, Bessent is consulting with notes on a piece of paper his team has prepared that contains political hits on them

Yes they should.

Remember back in the ‘90s when Bob Vila and ‘This Old House’ was all the shit? How SNL hasn’t brought this up in a Trump White House skit (esp razing the East Wing) is beyond me. And the “Trump Arc”???? Jeez ‘This Old Closet’ would work for a gay skit if SNL wanted to be socially subversive again.

Next up: DJT will careen about, talking abt how much greater America woulda been in our pioneer days if we had mail-in voting. Little does he seem to know how slowly the mail moved back then. Votes woulda still been being counted 3 years later. HEYYY - that’s an SNL sketch right there.

It’s really easy to fuck 300+ ppls’ lives when you own more money than God and just want to blowjob Donald Trump. Besides, losing money against your gains is actually helpful to the yearly tax return. www.cbsnews.com/news/washing...

I’ve never been able to put my fingers in the corners of my mouth and whistle really loud, so hailing a cab was always forget-it. Say what you will about Uber or Lyft, but they’re the only reasons I’m able to get anywhere.

Savannah Guthrie’s mom getting kidnapped is why I do hope I never win a billion-dollar Powerball lottery. A not-very-noticeable $500-750k would set me up just fine without having to hire bodyguards tho.

WHY hasn’t any legacy/mainstream media reporter interviewing DJT, whenever hetalks about Biden and inflation, asked one simple question: “Dude. Have you ever heard of the COVID pandemic?”

So OK for the sake of discourse, let’s imagine the Fulton County boxes turn up 12,000 votes in fucktard’s favor. Exactly what does he want to happen next? 2020 was 6 years ago. Joe Biden was prez for 4 years after that. Fine. Asterisk in the record book for you, big fkn sissy crybaby.

Up next: Donald Trump goes for emergency SCOTUS judgment that the mere existence of women, Black ppl and American Indians are just cause to negate every national USA election since 1920. That and the absence of mail-in voting rigged every election in pioneer days.

Back in my day when I was a teen and ‘All In The Family’ was all that, I never understood Michael Stivic’s hatred of Richard Nixon. In my day today, we have Donald Trump. And now i understand.