The Cybertruck lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Leon?

Every time I see "MS NOW" I picture the pimp in 12 Monkeys saying saying "You listen to me, Little Ms. Now"

An accidental Picard for @tammygolden.bsky.social

Just finished the first season of Paradise, went in blind just knowing it was about "A Secret Service agent investigates the murder of a former president" First episode ended with a "Wait, what?" Writing/acting/directing all great, looking forward to season 2

Sales nomenclature that should be normalized: BOGO - Buy One, Get One BOGOHO - Buy One, Get One Half Off BOOGOO - Buy 2, Get 2 (Buy One + One, Get One + One)

Apparently "Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile" was released online 5 weeks ago and I missed it

Everyone dreams their child will grow up to be just like John Economos

An historic night, Virginia has elected the first US governor to be named after a heavily salted meat sandwich, Abigail Spanberger

Watching the new season of Only Murders in the Building and did not catch that this is Renée Zellweger. Completely different carriage and voice than anything I had seen her in before

This is the sequel America needs right now "Whatever you wanna wager on, the Monkeytruck has you covered. You wanna bet on a pack of diseased rhesus in Mississippi, Monkeytruck."

Horrible Amazon Photos The product is a bench dog clamp, by a company called Tzdxfgl

Some legal experts have said that a 2nd plane has struck the World Trade Center

Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From

This Jimmy Kimmel thing reminds me of the death of Edgar Stiles on 24 <Jack and crew locked in airtight glass room watching co-workers collapse and die from nerve gas> Jack: "people die, nothing we can do" <annoying asshole Edgar enters death room> Jack: "Oh, My, God"

Never forget this banger from @theonion.com theonion.com/new-subway-p...

Blueskyism, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's Other Disease

Is it hard to become a self-proclaimed celebrity pickleball coach, or can you just declare it?

I guess British words don't count as English #BeeBetter

Sorry folks, the pool water is too high quality for swimming

New Evidence Suggests Humans May Have Been Dipping Crunchy Things Into Gooey Things Earlier Than Previously Thought theonion.com/new-evi...

Thanks for the warning Amazon, wouldn't want my 2 year old to choke to death while playing with a circular saw, he'll have to wait another year

Idiom Shortage Leaves Nation All Sewed Up In Horse Pies theonion.com/idiom-s...

On one hand, "Beef Taco Filling" sounds very unappetizing On the other hand, that's some really cheap meat for my taco chili For the record, I will not be placing unopened package in boiling water for 45 minutes

You think it was on accident, but that's the classic Dwayne Reed maneuver

This sign does not do justice for that intersection, which is also the bottom of a steep hill in either direction

brian was starting to think that maybe his mom wasn’t coming back

"We are the ghosts of the grocery store, the mythical spirits of the supermarket. You do not want to acknowledge that we exist, but we are real, and we have the power to dictate the apple economy."

Bad Home Depot, don't suggest this stuff

Nothing strange here, just a normal financial planner with a normal looking url for his website

There has to be a better system for selecting a pope than "the last cardinal with his hand on the popemobile"

Trying a brand of frozen pizza I've never bought before, Paul Newman's sausage and peperoni

A restaurant in my hometown made an amazing breaded tenderloin sandwich. Not too tender, not too crispy, just perfect, possibly fried in peanut oil. They still exist, but close for 3 weeks each year at Christmas time, the only time I am ever there

Come on NYT games, bee better

The pope saw his shadow this morning, looks like we're going to have an early Christmas this year

The Onion has fallen to the anti-DEI movement They are now only hiring fellows, ladies need not apply

Bud Bundy will return as Grandmaster B in #AvengersDoomsday

"new phone houthis"

The funniest possible scenario is to stay in the group chat and just start interjecting media gossip and fantasy football picks and see how long it takes them to figure it out

never surrender

When asked, the opposite police are required to tell you that they're NOT the opposite police

Dave Matthews' Tour Bus

Come on Spelling Bee, MonkLaw is a thing

I realize that we've come to a consensus against using CGI, AI, etc. to make new content with dead celebrities, but hear me out: Wilford Brimley in one of those commercials dancing and singing about how he's "got the die-uh-beetis"

About to head out to a Superb Owl party

Shouldn't the plural here be "state AsG" or maybe even "states AG"?

I've got to say, the guy who accidentally became the Director of the FBI does 100% look like the guy who accidentally becomes the Director of the FBI in a mid-2000s comedy about a guy who accidentally becomes the Director of the FBI