Everything is terrible and horrible. So here’s a dance party in a Costco parking lot.❤️

NEW: Over 100 Labour MPs have written to the PM urging him to find time for the assisted dying bill With only three sitting days left and around 600 amendments left, it will undoubtedly fail this session The MPs want the PM to commit to finding time next session

As parents, we're supposed to remember the first time we did stuff with our kids, but the last time is equally as significant, if not more. This poem is from Whatever You Do, Just Don't (HappenStance Press, 2023), my second full collection...

One day, your parent put you down and never picked you up again.

At school, a smaller kid squaring up to a much bigger lad and gravely warning: "I'll beat the shite outta your Da."

Tentatively peels back one eyelid and checks for vital signs. After a whole day in the pub with 3 games of rugby and muchas pintas. IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! A fantastic finale! Can't wait until next year! Good work @sixnations-rugby.bsky.social #IREvSCO #WALvITA #FRAvENG #SixNations #Hangover

Pitch an unnecessary sequel. Bring Me The Rest Of Alfredo Garcia

My spark plug turned up. There it is, in front of the box it arrived in. Just the spark plug. And a load of packing. How mad is that?

Took a call today from a fella I'd not heard from in a few months. "How's it going?" I asked and he responded in his usual downbeat way, "Ah, not good." And I laughed, expecting him to tell me he had a hangover or a bit of a cold. Turns out his youngest son took his own life back in January. 23.

Ordered a spark plug online for the lawnmower. This was on Friday. Just had a message from the courier to say my parcel is in Belgium now. Why's it gone to Belgium? I'm in Wales ffs.

Gotta... get... u-ah fuk it. Comfiest position ever.

Can you believe that with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf." — Donald Trump (Oct 2014)

Feeling virtuous. Abandoned longstanding Sunday evening tradition and knocked up a spanking Chilli Sin Carne.

Had a reminder that two years ago I saw a cloud change its mind

Trump’s War On Iran: Myth Vs. Fact https://theonion.com/trumps-war-on-iran-myth-vs-fact/

George Ford must be laughing his cock off. #ITAvENG

It's taken about 25 years to get there but Italy have now beaten everyone in the #SixNations, right?

Loving Ugo Monye's gansey. 😁 #ITAvENG #SixNations

FORZA ITALIA!!!!!

OMFG! Congratulations, Italy. Well deserved, lads. #ITAvENG #SixNations

Garbisi's kicking to touch could be a bit more ambitious tbh. #ITAvENG

What a dick move by Nicotera #ITAvENG #SixNations

How was your day, @missilepanda.bsky.social ? 😁

Shit! Steyn! Noooo.

Quietly, calmly and forensically, BBC just dismantled the Trump communications shitshow on Iran. No hyperbole, just laying out an unprecedented military, diplomatic and reputational shambles. Worth a watch. (🎥 BBC News/BBC Verify)

Bumped into my wife earlier in the week checking out her penguin costume in the hall mirror. "You can't go to school as Donnie Fucking Darko" was all I said and she ended up going as a shit Paddington Bear. #NationalBookDay

WATCH: This is my favourite thing on the internet right now. Well done Norway! youtube.com/watch?v=T4Up...

Pint of Azvex Platonic Shapes West Coast IPA for the big game. Iwerddon am byth! #IREvWAL #Beersky #BskyBeer

6.58 am and some cnunt has fired up a lawnmower.

#NotBeerBods Straight outta Nairobi. Tusker Lager by The East African Breweries Group, Kenya. Discovered in the world foods section of the big Tesco in Bangor, Gwynedd #Beersky #BskyBeer

Doggo currently emitting silent-but-deadlys, honed from purest evil. Zzzzzz pft!

When the #EpsteinFiles finally get released I think the next thing should be unredacted details of each and every cnunt involved in the design and manufacture of the packaging on #crumpets.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this No, You Hang Up pin. Heartwarming conversations like this used to be commonplace. Romance died the day we all collectively became too anxious to talk on the phone. collabs.shop/txqi1j

What sort of 'leader of the free world' would throw the entire population of the planet under a bus in a desperate, futile & frankly embarrassing attempt to save his own useless, paper-thin orange skin by fending off the release of the remaining #EpsteinFiles for just a little longer? #PresidentCunt

The Anglesey Arms at Menai Bridge where I've just been treated to a samba version of some Coldplay song. 😂 #Beersky #BskyBeer

I sent a text message to a work colleague yesterday asking "Are you sitting in on this webinar?" Thought it was weird that she responded with a line of laughing emojis. Discovered later that autocorrect had changed it to wiener. Cheers autodickhead

Think I'll have an early night. But first... a massive mug of coffee.

I've not been following the news today. What's the 'friendly fire' score so far?

Strimmer fixed and running smoother than ever. Even got the back garden strimmed without striking any concealed dog-eggs. Bonus. Feeling all macho. #Springtime

Pretty sure I heard one of those #BBCR4 coves suggest earlier (or he might have been quoting) that one justification for blowing to smithereens the supreme leader of Iran might be his age and declining health. Remind you of anyone? #AttackOnIran

Forgot Postlethwaite was on the pitch. #OSPvULS

On this day 9 years ago "The object was to beat England, not keep the score down. We needed turnovers and got them. If Italy were better ­conditioned they could have beaten England. Just ran out of gas." #6Nations #Italy

With all the distraction of the #6Nations have we really forgotten that last time out it was all about Matty Dalton? Lot of Stuart McCloskey under the bridge since then, though. Seems like bladdy ages. #UlsterRugby #URC

Look, I don't know if this is true... I just want it to be

There is always a tweet.

It's 9.30 in the am and all I can think about is cheezburgerz. Fak!

I often imagine lasers coming out of the ends of my toes, cutting holes in nearby furniture. I assumed everyone did this so had never mentioned it to anyone before, but my partner insists no-one else does it. Surely everyone does though?

Good morning