all girls want one thing and it's to be held and loved til they fall asleep,,

i got a little over 900 words done on a new side project last night, and then it turned dark and i realized i couldn't share it with one of my prereaders who was already going through some Stuff i don't know if trying to avoid the subject is gonna help, if it keeps shoving itself into view this way

the sweetest trans girl you've ever met will be like you can date me but first you have to defeat the 300 evil things my mom said to me to make me feel unlovable

now that i reached my goal in warframe i think i can finally get back to writing the problem is, the warframe grind never ends, there's always something else to do. and it's such a comfortable little world to sink into but the chapter i'm working on is more (personal) trauma in narrative form

made it to true master and swapped the garish pink and black on the liset for a more subdued selection from the lotus palette (but kept the skin) and added my new hood ornament. this is a very good game for helping me not think about anything else. so very easy to hyperfocus into.

self-medicating with an energy drink so i can focus again through all the horrors, and an hour later going 'i could really use another of those' as clarity starts to slip away from me it wasn't even one of the tasty ones. i think i have a problem

Heads Up, the most vile shit you haven't read about trans people since the 00's is being posted and reposted around without being put behind a sensitive tag so I'd recommend just ignoring all of those fucking emails for a while as they're day ruining

As the anti-asmr guy, please respect when I say "these are some good noises."

last repost is a thread you should really consider reading if you have an actual reason for following my account

Lost time dysphoria is I think one of the hardest things to deal with especially the older you are when you transition and it's not a reason to NOT transition but it does kind of suck that it is a form of dysphoria that I find TME folks do not do well at sympathizing with or granted grace about

ages ago i thought up a sprite comic (the style in those days) of x taking maverick consciousness into his head along with their weapon data. dealing with the ever-increasing weight of them talking to (or yelling at) him as he kept going being plural and looking back at that now is funny in a way

the Ritual is complete. the looming specter of past miseries and future hells has been fended off for another week. i'm exhausted and my joints are making the cracking noises again. but i'm still alive. now i can plug my mind into warframe for the rest of the day. wish i could do it for real.

not a fan of having to do the Ritual when i'm already feeling depressed but it has to get done no matter what i will just disassociate for the rest of the day if i have to

normally i don't really vibe with the handler/hound dynamic but it did kinda hit me today when a friend pulled me into deimos like 'girl we gotta work on your busted necramech c'mon' and proceeded to direct me to various locations and not require me to think, just stomp around and shoot, and while-

finally managed a win vs warframe's profit-taker today, barely. decided to take a swing at exploiter after, and one-shot it with a little frustration. (all solo) two irritating orbs, obliterated on the same day. the last time that happened, it took a whole surgical team and weeks of recovery

i regret to say that i have solved my warframe problems with a config change so my gfx card no longer tries to torch itself. regret, because this means i am liable to burn myself out and collapse from dehydration and not eating, since the limiting factor is no longer the [electronic] hardware

i remember seeing the original concept post and thinking 'that's going to hurt if it's done well'. this is done very well - and it does hurt. even if you're not a mechsplo fan, the writing is superb and the topic is handled with all the care it deserves. a beautiful work of art, and a must-read.

computer dusted. if i have time before electrolysis i will test with some warframe but i don't want to get too invested and miss the appointment seeing as it's the one bit of constant progress my brain is desperately clinging to also it wasn't that much dust so idk how much difference it'll make

i should probably do some dusting before playing more warframe

chapter 6 posted to ao3 and scribble, one more to go and it's already mostly done. ch6 is about two aristocratic men as previously mentioned, but i feel better about it now that i have plans for one of them to transition after his first taste of gender euphoria. the other's an unrepentant villain.

every trans woman should be issued upon coming out: three years supply of all hormones needed, a battlemech or fighter of her choosing, between two and twelve plushies, a flattering dress, a carabiner, a set of high quality headphones (cat ears optional), and foundation that matches her skin tone

Just saw someone say "it feels like the whole country is slipping through my fingers" Stop. YOU are not personally responsible for the country. You are not Superman. You are a regular person in society. Don't try to hold up the world. Hold yourself up first, then your friends, then your neighbours

This is me literally every day

finished rewatching a vintage 2006? anime last night and was devastated to find that despite all the cool designs and regrettable fanservice there was not a single queer moment in the entire 24-episode run. the whole thing is cishet, start to finish (though you could fix the protag with e)

the next chapter of Interludes is two men (derogatory)(nonsexual) and i rather wish i hadn't committed to it some time ago in its present form In Shadows Lightcast is important to me but tbh i want to write something that is actually zero men, like, a full setting where that's just A Thing

The nyt is run by nazis and should be dealt with accordingly

i definitely need to comm more lewd art this year in support of the brave pornographers who fight for our freedoms, especially since my headmate situation is getting More Complex and i think you should too. or if you're an artist draw some yourself, or an author write some (i certainly plan to)

A last minute inspiration to kick into 2026. #Art #Photography

delighted that interludes ch5 made it out before the new year. to scribblehub before east coast time, even. ao3 formatting took a bit longer, i should work on that. two chapters to go, one of which is mostly written, and then it's onto novel #2

I think a great new year's commitment would be for people to start commenting on fic again so writers stop burning out from feeling unappreciated.

if there's one [printable] thing i really wish for this coming year, it's for a community where i can write and share smut of all kinds. i have my tiny inner circle, but i crave the company of other writers - both to bounce ideas off of and to share progress and grow together feeling alone sucks

the worst part of aging as a lesbian trans woman is that nobody wants an easily abusable older woman. you're stuck playing the predatory lesbian and crying to yourself in your darker moments about how you never got a chance to be the prey

i think i need to rewrite a bunch of my older stuff too tied to the words already on the page. ideas are usually fine but the structures that got built some time ago just aren't working and need to be scrapped in their entirety. maybe keep a few names, or not sometimes it just needs to be fresh

To cure your seasonal depression, have you tried living through the end of empire, seeing all your ideological enemies scattered before you as a new day dawns on a bright and kind and queer world? I HAVEN'T SO IT MIGHT BE WORTH A SHOT I'M JUST SAYI

Super Fighting Robot but make it Ska

didn't finish ch5 over xmas as i wanted to. did write a lovely little story intro today, unfortunately i have to wait for the excedrin to kick in a little better before i try and continue i swear i'm doing things right but the headaches still come for me. might be the weather, or something else

It sometimes gets me that everything man made, every building, every road and street, every train track and tram cable, every sign and every stoplight, it was all decided on and made deliberately, by someone, at some point. Our whole world is built from the decisions of people. Anyway fuck AI

When I was a young gamer child, I used to think that in Heaven, you could ask God to show you all your stats, like how many liters of Dr Pepper you drank over your entire life. But now that I see all the end of year Wrapped's, I understand this must something that the Devil does to you in Hell

when the injection goes perfectly and you feel like a million bucks because it means you're getting better at it and that little improvement, that ray of sun, is all you need today

the Good thing happened today a few hours ago =w= life is immediately Better in several ways that cannot be erased also it came with some lesser but still good things and that was a nice bonus, getting correctly gendered remains quite pleasant

Going into 2026, a reminder for everyone who's fallen off the creative wagon, game dev, writing, art, music, whatever, no matter how long:

i can't tell you how much this one means to me without a small thread (which will probably follow) so for starters: this is exactly what i asked for, and still better than i even imagined. raw, brutal, absolutely perfect capture of the idea. all this and she writes incredible mechsploitation too!

i'm always hesitant to discuss things going well because the last time i did (in this case) they immediately went poorly for no discernible reason. that's probably confirmation bias but the weight of the matter is just that massive anyway, things might be Good at some point in the next two weeks

finally back on my 'play the numbered ff games in order (that you haven't yet)' quest and restarted ff8 yesterday. no retroachievements, no ram-meddling (yet), just a mostly blind and forgetful playthrough. also hit my friends with this and got to hear their agonized screams of realization

this morning was an interesting and painful process of self-discovery, which is a multipurpose phrase to be sure getting better at handling IM tho

tapping the sign

finally wrote some weird (positive) smut and avoided compulsively worldbuilding until after. now i can go to bed feeling accomplished

rare is it that i get impaled upon a flashing spear of old memories. but this is every bit as good now as it was then; if anything, it's only gotten better with age. a redraw would be marvelous.

This is your sign btw that you should call Mastercard