A 2010s-20s version of Muppet Christmas Carol would have autotuned the bejesus out of Michael Caine's terrible singing and suffered enormously for it

"Tiny Tim, who did NOT die" implies that the immortal Tiny Tim yet walks among us

The number of y'all who have apparently never eaten a properly prepared turkey makes me very sad

The thing is, if it weren't for capitalism AI probably would be the transformative force these guys like to pretend it is. Imagine what an AI culture centered on ethics and sustainability over creation of shareholder value through open theft would look like

Yeah man I wonder what would happen if a bunch of people moved from blue states to red states, sounds like a great plan

I swear to god if Verstappen wins because McLaren can't get their shit together I am going to turn into a pillar of salt

You'd think an outfit with Mercedes' racing history would think twice before palling around with a company called "crowdstrike"

Guy who always has to take a beat to remember that John Maynard Keynes and Maynard James Keenan are two different people (it's me, I'm the guy)

House votes on dumbass resolution condemning socialism, meanwhile the DSA's Lisan al-Gaib rolls the truculent child brain president like a pair of socks

Me writing about this game: Crowsrown *bzzt* Cworsworn *bzzt* Srowcrown *bzzt*

The number of people who seem genuinely incapable of distinguishing "I don't like [art]" from "[art] is Bad" makes me wonder whether having a basic theory of mind is as common as we're led to believe

IDK I think without the big guy we're a lot more likely to see MAGA fracture into a bunch of warring khanates until it devours itself. They can barely keep their shit together *with* him in charge

Just once I wish one of these polls about ohhh the parties are so divided would control for which party's respondents tend to believe things that are demonstrably untrue

Minor detail but he clearly thinks J.P. Morgan and Chase are two separate individual people

[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison] 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵Walking down the street 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵House with chicken feet 🎵Baba Yaga

These numbers are only gonna go up as more people realize they're living in the rotting corpse of a country that died a decade ago at the absolute latest

Every single time! Epstein will write: "porsecters h4arrsed me w/ sbuopenas al bcuase tr4ificing myners .due porcess much???no" and then there's, like, the former president of a university or white house counsel or something replying: "You're totally right, and also I love you with all my heart."

Deeply infuriating but also weirdly empowering to know that none of the most powerful people on the planet can fucking spell

One of the pieces on the EU5 soundtrack is a setting of this medieval German warding-off-the-demons text that includes such lines as "Lucifer is a BAD DUDE," oddly comforting to know they basically had their own version of VeggieTales

Who could have guessed that a Telling You You're Right About Everything machine would barbecue the brains of some of the most weak-willed people on the planet

Who up insane clowning they posse

As portrayed by, who else, Danny DeVito

Of course JCO cuts right to the heart of it, which is that the people who've monopolized American public life over the last decade don't and probably can't experience joy. If they weren't doing so much damage the primary thing we should be feeling towards them would be pity

I already hate the pressure to be entrepreneurial in my professional life, why in the holy fuck would I want to approach my health that way

I may be playing too much EU5 because my first reaction was "ooh what mapmode is that"

I tried putting turmeric in my beef burrito It was meaty, ochre

It's 1348 and you're getting rat faces in your notifications. Chat is this good

every crisis we have in the us is totally fabricated by the politicians except the dire epistomological corruption of 40% of the voting base, which is real

Okay I'm a certified Verstappen skeptic but that was goddamn impressive

Some days you get a little burned out from teaching, other days one of your students thinks the thing where you sing multiple notes under a single vocal syllable is called a "miasma"

I know it's not the most PC but sometimes a word like "harridan" is the only one that suits

The thing I think people still don't get about the "we're only deporting violent criminals" rhetoric is that to a blood-and-soil fascist, a border crossing by a brown person is a violent crime in and of itself, legal or otherwise. That's all the justification they need

This weirdo fetishistic obsession the global right has with Greta Thunberg is just so revealing of...so, so many things

Why does my brain do these things

If "Tom Brady cloned his dog" doesn't make it into the We Didn't Start the Fire reboot I'm going to be very upset

One of my courtiers in EU5 survived the black death and then immediately fell down a flight of stairs and died 10/10 GOTY

I live in the most densely populated state in the country, you can't throw a rock without hitting a "real American" here including plenty of Republicans, and we just resoundingly handed Jack Ciattarrelli his ass, seems like it should maybe be indicative of something

Good job

always funny when American conservatives come into contact with a religion they can’t just make up as they go along so they’re always right

Oh so my life is gonna get completely annihilated by EU5 I see

Oh what a highly educated expert said something that's been a matter of historical consensus for decades, must mean he's a dirty commie

Spare a thought for centrist dem consultants this morning. They just learned their ideal candidate for the Democratic 2028 presidential ticket has passed away.

Hey NJ let's try really hard not to do a fascism mkay

Is...is that a waterphone??

Come on guys somebody had to know

Fun fact a group of 3 or more Priuses is called a priapism