There’s a growing cottage industry where wealthy criminals pay insiders to lobby President Trump to pardon them. While some call it a perversion of the Constitution, it’s a refreshing source of job creation in an otherwise unsteady economy.

My gravestone: I was never happier than when I was away from you people.

Savage arrest thyself

Breaking…

Not long ago the word IRL didn’t exist. It was just the default, the thing we’re all living in, and the word “online” was the thing that had to be differentiated. Now we’re at a point where online is losing its point.

My heart goes out to their families. Sorry for a morbid observation, but seeing this makes me realize that when you're in the military and they take a picture of you in front of the flag, it's for when this happens. War really is hell.

I can't even figure out what Lauren Boebert was hoping the answer would be. Even when I consider the Clintons' proven ethical transgressions, Hillary is by far the smartest and least corrupt person in that conversation.

A breakup :( gizmodo.com/scientists-f...

hahaha. My guesses: HB Ellison's Screen Viewing Emporium H Paramount+HBO Paramount+HBO Plus Home Paramount Video (HPV) HBOMaxMax

Oh please. You know how exciting this guy’s meetings just got? He’s rock hard 24/7 right now. “War is hell” my ass, Pete. You’ve been practicing saying “war is hell” in the mirror since you were twelve.

Will be hilarious when a Democrat takes over the position and Fox News makes corruption and bloat their lead story for a year.

Man I know we can’t hold ancient proto humans to today’s standards but let’s just call it what it was.

Trump's State of the Union address draws 32.6 million viewers, marking smallest audience yet

Okay I tried making this joke and it really shit the bed. I'm posting a screenshot of it as penance. I don't actually want to say the word ever. I thought the "rap excuse" was a sad trope that I could make fun of. Blew it.

My friend, I was making fun of people who say this. I'm fully on your side. Sorry the joke didn't land.

whatever will animals do?

This is one of the coolest things America gives to the world.

I imagine it was extremely disturbing

why is the government releasing gay erotica

Haha republican congressmen don't actually have a problem with government spending. They have a problem with government spending on people who won't kick it back to them.

The artistic directors for every concert tour, halftime show, Vegas residency and closing ceremony just got an idea.

Been following this guy's career for a while. Glad to see him making a splash.

I asked Gemini about this, but it might have spat out a hallucination. I have a vague memory of seeing, at Detroit Pistons games in Cobo Arena, a little person who sat at the scorer's table. Detroiters, do you remember this?

“I don’t think the robots are taking over. I think the men who play with toys have taken over. And if we don’t take the toys out of their hands, we’re fools.” — Ray Bradbury

I love how they're saying we need a colony on Mars because one day the earth will be uninhabitable. Like Mars.

President Trump posted a provocative image today of Barack and Michele Obama as monkeys in a jungle. Not everyone is happy about it.

I’m pretty sure no, but could Trump be Andy Kaufman doing a bit?

State of the tv business:

THOU SHALT NOT PROTECT PEDOS!!! WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SENDER’S NAME REDACTED?!?

You can put Big in front of something and make it a punchline. Know who doesn't want you to know that? Big Punchline.

What if someone ran on "Make America Good Again?"

Larry Summers, seen here somehow managing to have the worst gender politics in the room while in a one on one conversation with JEFFREY FUCKING EPSTEIN.

The next Trump is studying the mistakes of this one.

Shout out to the cremes and ointments in metal tubes where you squeeze them just a little but the stuff keeps oozing out on its own schedule, and then you get to see if you can reverse the flow by pinching it on the sides you all know what I'm talking about.

shaq missed a huge entrepreneurial opportunity not patenting shaquille oatmeal

Okay Clawdbot/Moltbot is the thing that really makes me see what an AI assistant will be like. This tech will eventually be ubiquitous and invisible, just an evolution of "talk to the computer like a person" stuff. But persistent memory and the ability to "teach" it are the killer apps.

Down for, like, anything?

This one is a real puzzle

Remember when this guy showed up at an Obama speech like this and he wasn’t wrestled to the ground and killed by feds?

far more people die each year by slipping on pears than on banana peels but you never hear about it because it doesn't fit the narrative

Didn’t we already have this?

I still cannot believe how arrogant Obama was. www.usnews.com/opinion/blog...

It’s ironic that they’re like “if we do ethnic cleansing we’ll have a high trust neighborly society” and then Minneapolis is literally doing high trust neighborly society and they’re like nooooo

Question for donald trump: why do you suppose that feeling of worthlessness keeps coming back?

there doesn't have to be an article about everything

1900: Librarian says free libraries = too much reading “Great care must be exercised by parents to see that their children do not read too much” “When visiting a school recently 3 pupils in one room were noticed reading books under their desks"

Try getting a fish to give them up though. They’re irrational about the stuff.

I won’t be that bummed when science figures out how to end verbal communication.

Trump better be careful because if he really invades Greenland, that triggers a chain of events where the leaders of Europe call him and tell him what a genius he is and they strike a deal where they promise to name Greenland Trumpland, and he promises to accept the Nobel peace prize and money.