hate when a post says "ketchup doesn't exist." yes it fuckin does bro

no nights at freddy's. five nights at no one's.

new trend: 65. it's the latest tik tok craze that's taking the nation by storm.

wasn't gonna drink tonight but i miss hhgregg so much

for sale: gold armor. nether worn.

just designed a new pokemon: Unown-🫃

can't play as a thwomp in mario kart world. what the fuck was even the point of making the game then

me: hey check out this straw camel: *nervously* what kind of straw

i think if i was a minecraft dispenser and someone activated me with redstone i’d moan a lil bit

i hate conditions. why can't things just happen

honestly y’all i would fuck up some ice soup rn i can’t even lie

they’re putting you in the sludge tomorrow. yeah, they’re gonna take you to the vat of sludge tomorrow and they’re gonna dunk you in there like an oreo.

every 7/11 in michigan got one of these inside

do it moonblast? or are you on the gleam team

fun fact: it's actually impossible to delete your bluesky account! don't believe me? try it!

we in this shit like corn

work: starts at 9 me at 8:99:

ah, WarioThere (found him)

i haven't taken a shit in 21 years

every 3d video game starting area got that one slightly elevated ledge with grass on it

better to have been goated and washed than never to have been goated at all

lead a horse to water and he'll drink for the rest of his life

one day you will solve your last daily wordle

find luigi

top 10 simpsons moments 10. homer in space 9. bart prank calls moe 8. grandpa simpson falls asleep 7. bart and lisa 6. steamed food 5. cashier scans maggie at register 4. skateboarding bart 3. the simpsons on dvd 2. homer has a TRULY memorable moment 1. mr. burn

Why the fuck does Mr. Blizzard target women with his orb

Last night on Family Guy, Brian Griffin died. Retweet if you want him back.

Tips for new Bluesky users: Prince Ryoma will wait patiently for his revenge, but only for 25 turns. After that, he will begin his assault.

for sale: pants. never worn.

kinda sucks that supervillains are real but superheroes aren’t

talk to a podcast? but they can't hear you!

if you had one shot one opportunity to take the biggest shit you've ever taken would you wipe it or just let it crust?

double digits baybee

TOP 5 USES FOR APPLES: 1. creating sin 2. inventing gravity 3. keeping doctors away 4. shooting with an arrow while on a child’s head 5. pie

i'm not hooked on the brothers bro i swear i can stop whenever i want

wasn't gonna drink today but I miss the iphone 5 so much

the woke left is cancelling me for my devotion to the fell dragon

just invented jacking on

put a lock on my bag so as to prevent one from letting the cat out of it

STRANGER: *steps out of time machine* i come from the fewtch ME: the fewtch? STRANGER: yeah we call it the fewtch now

scary fact's: next year's 9/11 will be on friday the 13th 😱

spending money pros: money cons: spending

the problem with eating toothpaste is that eventually you run out of toothpaste

it was the earth's 4,543,294,013rd birthday yesterday. and none of you remembered it. wow.

i realized that in order to make toast you need to cook bread twice. so my hypothesis is if i cook my toast again i'll unlock the secret third level of bread. will report back with results.

went to the grocery store today but they were all out of groceries

say what you will about the English language but at least we don't say cars are boys and bicycles are girls