Stay clean and sober, little guys.

Movie Recommendation of the Week: THE VILLAGE (2004). Hold up, let me finish. Watch it on mute with the musical soundtrack on and the film gains about 15 I.Q. points as you contemplate the last era of Hollywood production design and lighting craftsmanship.

The state of being known as 'Airport Drunk' is both the peak of luxury and the pit of slovenliness, and no man condemns it as sin.

Christmas Day, that festive morning when our nation's rich wake up, give thanks to their array of ghost traps and protective wards, and go about their holiday without fear of having a 'Scrooge meltdown'.

Movie Recommendation of the Week: ONLY THE ANIMALS (2019). Rashomon en Francais. A murder mystery set in the rural French countryside told in nonlinear multiple POV. Saw it in theaters years ago and the mid-movie twist was one the funniest reveals I've ever experienced. Demands an American remake.

It doesn't count as a real cousincore viewing unless you walk out of the theater saying, "I wish I could live in Pandora."

Movie Recommendation of the Week: THE KING (2019). Sometimes a good movie slips through Netflix's content factory. A dour, gritty reimagining of Shakespeare's HENRY IV and V that doesn't quite make its point but hits the right 'prestige' notes. The musical score is a secret treasure.

I love it when my phone serves me up ads for things I just bought or places I just left like a detective reminding a suspect they're being followed.

FIFA guy: We need a trophy for this ball-fondling ceremony for Trump. Trophy guy (writing notes): Ball...fondling...trophy...

"Okay, so stir in the tomato sauce...now add two cups of Clorox(tm) with StainGuard..."

Man, early 90's Disney spin-off cartoons were pitched with pure cocaine. The bear from The Jungle Book is now a dissolute bush pilot. Donald Duck's uncle is a globetrotting resource extractor. Goofy is a single father in the suburbs. "Hey, let's do 'Tigger and Piglet: The Vietnam Years'! "

I canvassed for Bernie in some of the poorest neighborhoods in L.A. and one of the hardest things was explaining that it didn't matter if some 'unworthy' poorer person benefited from the same social welfare they'd be getting. Take the money and stop pocket watching the next rung down!

Watching the Ken Buns American Revolution series and when the narrator describes Dorchester Heights in Boston quietly muttering aloud, "It's pronounced 'Dooster'."

Liberals, and Green is a liberal, still believe in order and etiquette. They want more than anything for Trump to act presidential so they can hold out hope that the status quo will return after him. His vulgarity reminds them we're never going back.

Every town's fire department should do this on Thanksgiving as part of the local parade.

"Do you think I'm stupid?!" - The stupidest client I've ever had.

I made a joke in my main Discord server about DOOM E1M1 being in a major key and @abigbagofkeys.sickonedude.com actually made it. Jesus fucking Christ listen to this hahahaha

We've found the one nobody journalist of a dying establishment paper who could actually get on a soapbox and claim she was a fearless truthseeker thwarted by her bosses and she instead volunteers to go down with the establishment. Doing it for free.

You can tell Star Wars is in a galaxy far far away from ours because they perfected robots and the streets aren't filled with thousands of C-3PO's selling crap and interrupting conversations.

The tired look of a man who was up until 4AM practicing the Mamdani Grin in the mirror.

Movie Recommendation of the Week: FRANKENSTEIN (2025). Del Toro wanted to create the seminal gothic monster for Netflix and ended up reanimating Edward Scissorhands. Gory yet awkward with drama. Jacob Elordi as the bishounen creature is a highlight.

Having just seen this movie last night one character theme I hope people take away is the tech bro impatience of Victor. He gets bored of the Creature within days because it doesn't speak with a full vocabulary right away. They want an instant future and to be called geniuses without doing work.

Movie Recommendation of the Week: THE VANISHING (1993). George Sluzier's 'sellout' Hollywood remake of the euro-thriller by...George Sluzier. Three years after a woman's disappearance her obsessive boyfriend meets her abductor. Gloomy, disturbing. Jeff Bridges inexplicably does a weird Dutch accent.

Today I had to reteach a client how to Forward an email after he had a nervous breakdown because his phone's AI couldn't help him share a file attachment. Folks, this tech is more cognitively damaging than snorting butane.

The last good software ever made was the little pop-up telling you the caps lock is on when you're typing a password.

Movie Recommendation of the Week: THE THREE MUSKETEERS (Parts 1 & 2) (2023): Dumas's perennial swashbuckler gets an obligatory big budget French remake for the streaming content era. Grey and dour but dependably entertaining. It's got Eva Green going ninja mode, you're not above watching this.

Thanks to AI brainrot whenever I have questions for a client I have to email them one question at a time. Progress!

- Master of the Flying Neck Massager

Barack Obama adopted a third world trophy child only to discard her once she aged out of clout usefulness.

Because AI is lazy with its sourcing within a week after OpenAI released a Studio Ghibli feature all AI images became contaminated with the piss yellow Ghibli coloring. I predict a similar trend where this smirking jailbait daemon will be automatically inserted into every GIF and video.

It's Dudes Rock Autumn

Trump and Hegseth after the speech: "Well that was fun. It was a great idea to call them fat and woke and tell them to interfere in domestic politics. The generals have broken up into 4 or 5 different groups and are all conversing with each other. I'm sure they're just exchanging email contacts."

Inside the 'Alien: Earth' writers' room: "Guys, these late episode plot points are so dumb and the dialogue so lazy the only way this makes sense is if our main characters are chi..." (pause, followed by suddenly reaching for Episode 1 script and a Sharpie)

Ending a text-based communication with the punctuation 'lol' instead of a period or question mark makes clear the most important note to the reader; that the writer is a Millennial.

I remember watching the George Floyd protests in a split-screen and whether it was Atlanta or some podunk town in Iowa the police showed up to every protest with standard-issue RoboCop gear and weapons. They'll never run out, they've been preparing for us for decades.

Make a band singular. Hootie

Thinking of the @davidjroth.bsky.social review of the movie 'Starship Troopers' a few years ago where he notes how fascism's obsession with macho self-image eventually makes it weak and incapable. This is our nation's Klendathu moment.

Hoping I win the Powerball tonight so I can launch a dark money project of TikTok videos where surly art school girls recite vintage Matt Christman rants about the fecklessness of the Democratic Party, targeted at the inboxes of Dem lawmakers themselves.

True wisdom is realizing that influencer culture and 2020's content trends were most accurately predicted by the Weird Al movie 'UHF'.

It's a great character because he's an antagonist with a reasonable conflict with the main character but he's still a jerk that audiences don't like.

To a cat, the voice in their head telling them to tip over an object has the gravitas of Almighty God.

Slightly diminish a band: Kilodeth

Movie Recommendation of the Week: THUNDERHEART (1992). Neat little detective story set on a Native American reservation that punches above its weight with gorgeous photography (Roger Deakins), moody music (James Horner) and a murderer's row of character actors. An artifact of lost craftsmanship.

Yet again a Silicon Valley billionaire barges into an industry and 'discovers' a shittier version of an established business practice: in this case Sam Z. Arkoff's 'A.R.K.O.F.F. Formula' for a profitable movie (Action, Revolution, Killing, Oratory, Fantasy & Fornication).