I was feeling kind of sad today but then I logged onto the internet with my phone and explored some of the webpages. Pretty quickly my mood became to very happy. -Alan Resnick

If life was a video game I would sneak around at night and stab all the sleeping people in town BUT interestingly enough I would never do that IRL

I’ve been looking at my phone 😍

would you smoke the Mechanics Universal Joint

youtu.be/2yHgPUxLxIo new song !! new song !! #music #fun

yup, my shoes are off all the time on bus rides. sorry not sorry. #marchmadness

neuralwave jokepop #music #jokes

shit got me feeling like spongebob. IM READY!!!

living that preschool life #wine

funny on mu mind

ding dong ditching the golden gate bridge

called the lifeforce potion in terraria the "heartburn potion"

cool

build a bomb for treasure

the twin towers falling was NOT on my 2001 bingo card... 😅

throw will wood to the termites and he'll come back holes

yuri-ka! 💡🏳️‍🌈

stole this joint from the US treasury n got my bank account high

need me a handjob in the gravitron

chiefing the spliff so they call me apache

repeatedly getting pregnant just so i can feel the rush of aborting another child

that's it, i hate potato salad, and yes, i'm white. send tweet.

if charlie had bit MY finger i would've blown that mf head smoove off

since we haven't had a song of the summer yet i'm electing the 1832 classic nocturne in e flat major op.9 no.2 to be the song of the summer for this year and every subsequent year until we think of anything better

tom clancy's rainbow sex siege

(in the subtitles throughout the whole movie) *minions giggling*

superspeed butthole learning

every big bulk bag of no-name candy is like "yummy funny candy big bag 6.5KG 11573451 BULK"

coolest idea i've ever had in my life #smoking #sundayfunday #epic

who want me?? i am doing a giveaway of my goop! up to Two (2) people will have a chance at getting their dirty little paws on goop that is STILL mentally linked to me (it can't be unlinked through normal means!!) :3 sign up now by liking AND REPOSTING this post with that dirty little paw of yours 👇👇

i want me some goop.....

Bring Your Lunch to Tiny-Huge Island So You Can Eat It Really Big

My Stupid and Gay Puzzle

Been feeling pretty stressed lately so I’ve decided to calm myself down by sucking on all kinds of things with my wet mouth

I’m trying really hard to think of something funny to say online

One of my lucky followers will be randomly selected and stoned to death! Best of luck! <3

i should have an award for this post

stick a Fork in your phone charge it 500%

maby not this one.

sometimes i look through my old posts like "damn that was funny as fuck . i should get an award "

It’s creeping me out thinking about these

My tummy hurts ☺️

little trick

Adventure Time Fun Fact: Trans people are the modern equivalent of what satanic panic was in the late 70s and 80s.