it's a beautiful day to get your dick and balls stomped

getting workplace accommodations for being a dumb bitch

"are you a top or a bottom?" neither, I just get the job done

relationship anarchy? no, I said relationship monarchy

I have to be the most blasphemous pre-raphaelite bitch at the function for some reason

he's sucking toes with a linen napkin draped over his head like a french gourmand eating ortolan to hide his shame from god

astrally traveling to fart on my enemy's pillow

what's up it's me ya girl jizzwitch

gorgeous gorgeous girls are hooting ominously as they emerge from the mist

really want a bloody mary but with real blood

the lemonade that kills you is just normal lemonade, to me

posting cake for fun and profit

you are under the effect of the following enchantments/curses: -one titty out -wild af

passing a blunt through the glory hole

the nine words every woman wants to hear. I've never done a crime, I get to testify against cops lol

that's right

happy a/s/l? day to those who celebrate

the kids today need to learn to pirate shit again. absolutely insane that streaming services have tiers with ads. "yes please show me the mcdonald commercial." fuck off and die to all corporations

a master class on sexting

what if we kissed on the flesh beanbag 👉👈

fully draining my oldest blood boy for the thanksgiving sacrifice

reskeet with a picture of you guess my favorite band

scrolling a hot mutual's media back to the inception of her blue sky acct and trying not to accidentally fave a 3 month old selfie

yeah normal people call them "open faced" but if that's not horny enough for you...

let them eat cunt

call my dick "chicken soup for the hole" the way it cures what ails you

asking Jesus what that side woussy do

💅 this emoji but it's a foot getting its toenails painted

littlespace on the prairie

just received the funniest possible gift from a finsub

me fr

LISTEN TO ME: you do not have a “Bad Brain”. you are LAZY.

welcome to bluesky! every week we do a fun little thing called the bone tithe. its a fun and mandatory way of bringing the community together by constructing a bone monster out of parts of everyones skeletons

topping with a weighted blanket draped over me so eventually when I throw it off I'm the Harrison Bergeron of giving strap

it's not too late, we're going tomorrow 💋

no more self care. give me other care

I found someone 2 weeks after I posted this btw, which is why the sun hasn't been cursed

some patron of the arts needs to send me and @saderotica.bsky.social $500 to sapphically go to the Korean spa next week

necromancer ootd omw from edinburgh to a northumbrian castle where I'll be doing sorcery for a week

hey babies I'm flying to the UK today for a sorcery conference, can I get a w in the chat pictured: obligatory airport bar bloody Maria and my fresh set

taking the day off work to celebrate the victory of Saladin over the crusaders at the battle of hattin in 1187

someone recently said I reminded them of this movie and I've never felt hotter or more seen in my life

hey how's it going are people still calling them skeets here

“why don’t you love me, you piece of shit”: a question we have all asked at some point

Just watch the movie Titanic brother, you can see the boat crashing and it’s got boobs in it. No risk of dying at the bottom of the Atlantic inside a shitty metal tube

if I don't find someone in the PNW to do sex magic with IMMEDIATELY I'm going to curse the fucking sun

pov: youve disappointed me again, ruining my post-advanced vinyasa class high

happy pride

not me hiding in the fire hall at work choking on grief for the tenth day in a row