we all know I have no life, so:

Kaiju (but make it haiku) a fiery sigh Tokyo isn't going to step on itself, is it?

Depluralize a movie: Lion & Prejudice

Samuel Johnson once wrote that patriotism was the last refuge of a scoundrel. He might have changed his mind if he'd ever seen someone claim to have read classified government documents confirming contact with extraterrestrials.

I've got a pet grooming joke, but it's kind of a shaggy dog story.

For what it's worth, I've always thought Len Deighton's anonymous spy got a name for the movies by, broadly, the following process: - "He doesn't need a name, he's just... some wanker!" - "Hairy Palms?" - "Hairy Palmer?" - "Harry Palmer." - "Close enough, that'll do."

There are unconfirmed reports of chuckling from the graves of Anthony Eden and Guy Mollet.

Anyone else expecting that when this LLM investment bubble pops, a bunch of cultist loons will claim the collapse was a plot to thwart a sentient AI that "they" don't want you to know about?

I enjoyed reading this, and you might too. 406.fail

Is "Squelchy Belgian Welder Penguin" a tongue-twister?

I'm part way through watching Star Trek: Discovery and really, really hoping Reno and Stamets never warm to each other. I expect the producers pitched some saccharine episode where they learned to like each other. And if sanity prevailed, they would have been told, in not so few words, to fuck off.

Trying to work out if it's a healthy attitude that, having encountered a bit of mainstream entertainment that vibes remarkably well with me, my next thought is "hey, am I being pandered to?".

Time to wheel this one out again.

Got it—based on this photo, it looks like you’re standing beside a statue of Ozymandias, a great and well-remembered King. If you would like, I can help you plan a tour of the surrounding area to explore the notable achievements and landmarks associated with his reign.

Call the disposal squad, a bombshell's about to go off. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Gollum sinks into the lava with the One Ring, dissolving it. Cut to Barad-dûr; the Eye of Sauron looks around, panicking, as the tower below it collapses. In the deepest possible booming voice, bordering on infrasound: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK....!

A Lord of the Rings cover band called Wargs (Not Wargs)

I guess it's fitting that it's a reimagined, worse version of someone else's artwork

This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥

I have to wonder, why the middle initial? Are there other prominent Iwona Horyns that she needs to distinguish herself from? Is there an Iwona A. Horyn, Iwona C. Horyn, Iwona U. Horyn or an Iwona W. Horyn?

Littorally Hitler.

To add to the "X is now as long ago as Y was in Z" litany, the Mid-Century Modern aesthetic of 2025's "The Fantastic Four: First Steps" is as dated as the Art Deco aesthetic of "Flash Gordon" was in 1980.

So I'm at the hippie retreat and I see this room with people vibing to psychedelic EDM while staring at someone having a root canal. Apparently it's the trance & dental meditation course.

If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...

I Once met a guy Travelling from An antique land He'd Seen huge stone feet Statue all beat Face incomplete He looked around and saw nought but a pedestal there It said "Look on my works ye Mighty, and then despair!" The Sands stretched away Much sayonaras Ozymandias

(Hard-boiled noir detective, standing on a grounded narrowboat) "I knew these broads were trouble..."

I am firmly of the opinion that Animal of The Muppets was only partially based on Keith Moon, and this was the other major influence. www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDoK...

all discourse aside, there is one machine with consciousness. it's printers. they are alive and conscious and they hate you and they'd take your arm clean off if you let them. never trust a printer.

No, there's a problem. When they grip it, it falls asleep.

Hot take: Sequels are not worse than the original because they're sequels, quality just regresses toward the mean. A sequel probably will not be as good *because* its predecessor was very good, and that's difficult to repeat. If unpopular works were given sequels, chances are they'd be better.

If you see this, quote post a bridge.

I don't know if replacing toilet paper with sandpaper is the worst possible practical joke, but it's certainly scraping the bottom.

Bloody universe is mostly made out of hydrogen these days! This was all fields once.

Make a band singular: Owl Funkadelic

Just watched Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S3E2 and it's a pleasantly daft, frothy lore-call-back episode where everyone gets to wear smashing blouses and an old fan theory gets tidied up... then a sudden Twilight Zone reference dangles a tantalising little thread. Good work guys, good work.

Michael Bay's Swimming to Cambodia

The only people who become vampires are the people dumb enough to get bitten by vampires. Vampires get dumber every generation.

Remember why he was sacked from the Daily Mirror?

If you think you'll ever reach a compromise acceptable to authoritarians, bear in mind that line from Nineteen Eighty-Four is *not* "...a boot stamping on a human face— until the face is an acceptable shape".

I'm told the Americans did most of his security detail because he's on MI5's shitlist. www.bbc.com/news/article... Wait, hang on, I've got that slightly wrong. He's on MFI's shitlist.

Slightly diminish a band: The Estimate Basie Orchestra

Out of curiosity I once ordered 'Kitsch Prawns' from a seafood menu. Turns out it's campy.

In accordance with her will, her ashes will be scatted. www.bbc.com/news/article...

"We need to ship ten thousand tons of domestic refuse by sea." "How about in scows?" "Ey! Ey! We got like, ten thousand ton o'rubbish, 'ow do we ship it, it's doin' me 'ead in!"

Post your favourite Doctor Who. Wrong Answers ONLY.

Farage and the far right in general come from a grievance culture. If you do what they want, even maximally – Brexit – they’ll move the goalposts and keep moaning. If you engage seriously with their concerns, they’ll find new ones. You will never satisfy them, because they don’t want to be satisfied