This is my dad verbatim whenever he thinks about how much he likes the kitten I found on the street.

Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers https://theonion.com/trump-announces-5000-increase-in-all-numbers/

strangely inspirational

The new Florence album is fantastic. Lesbians and spinsters, we are so back.

I’ve been playing Scrandle for the last week or so, and while I would recommend you play it once or twice for the giggles alone, I am begging you, please click this link and play it today: scrandle.com

Holy shit, things are about to get extremely bleak in 2026…

The worst part about the assassination is that it’s drowning out all the 9/11 memes I was looking forward to today.

Told my therapist yesterday that I’m so tired I just want someone to carry me around through life like a labubu.

Clair Obscur asks one of the most profound questions of our generation. What if Final Fantasy was French?

If I ever get out of the corporate world, I’m gonna finally be as open and weird about stuff as I want to be.

It’s sad bitch hours

YES

Saudi: They need to be covered from head to toe to compete in our country. Me wondering how they don’t realize skintight dominatrix bodysuits are way hotter: 🥵😏

That’s my GIRRRRL!!!!

The chipmunks have done a better job planting tomatoes in random places in my yard than I did intentionally. This is making me weirdly depressed this evening.

The babies are so sweet 🥲

CDC Publishes   Female Body Hair Guidelines

One of the chickens got a staph infection on her foot so we had to put her in the Disinfectant Cube.

This is the best team crossover video I've ever seen.

I love the Becky Lynch and Lyra Valkyria feud because it’s corned beef.

Fighting for my life in the work bathroom and this woman walks in sobbing and having a conversation about her mom being diagnosed with skin cancer. Ma’am, I’m very sorry about what you heard from me in one of the worst moments of your life…

“Bustin’ makes me feel good”

This was handed to me at work today and it’s my new prized possession.

This is the first conclave we’ve had since TikTok was invented and it is delivering.

Earth Day•Every Day🌿✨

From my latest piece. The true motivating energy behind the anti-trans activists of today.

That Jey Uso and Gunther fight…😕

M3GAN 2.0 looks silly as hell. I’m excited for it.

I literally will not watch it if it doesn’t have the music. It takes it from a mid show to iconic.

Me preparing to watch 2 characters with guns, 3 women on a brink of a breakdown, and a family reeling from incest in Thailand tonight 😂

I’ve felt…happy recently? I started taking new supplements and…this feels so weird to say but I don’t feel like I want to die all the time.

Even opening Bluesky once in awhile has been a fucking gut punch to my psychological health. I think I need to be more offline.

Mr. Beast is literally only a step or two removed from Tobin Bell's Jigsaw character. I keep trying to explain to my wife how obscenely popular this guy is and she's just in disbelief.

The way John Cena dresses for the ring makes him look like he’s in a movie where a child wishes he can be a grown up.

Every woman on White Lotus is a fascinating and brilliant angel sent from heaven and every man is a thumb…Mike White are you a lesbian

White Lotus

Little bread baby making a coincidental appearance at the bakery! #pokemon

This album is so great for the old Gaga fans. I’m LOVING it. Thank you, Mother.

MAYHEM is for the Little Monsters who grew up watching “THE FAME: Part 1” and you know who you are!

DoorDash Order Arrives In Humiliatingly Large Bag theonion.com/doordash-ord...

Deli birthday!! She did not like the shrimp 🥲

I long to be as ignorant as this creature.

THANK FUCK

Sorry I need to quote post this too because WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY GIRL BAYLEY IS IN THIS?!?!?

GET READY FOR...TITAN TAKEDOWN! ⚡💪🏔️ Premiering April 2nd on Dropout, the ultimate 4-episode THROWDOWN is happening on Dimension 20 with Game Master Brennan Lee Mulligan and WWE Superstars Xavier Woods, Bayley, Kofi Kingston, and Chelsea Green! www.youtube.com/watch?v=-91...

My favorite wrestling trope is when the interviewer and a wrestler are having a conversation about someone, then suddenly the camera pulls out and the wrestler they were talking shit about was actually next to them the whole time. Cinema.