NEW SHORTS WHO DIS

CALL ME ISHMAEL

Practicing my “rizzed-up selfies” as an almost fifty year old man. Maybe I’ll get the hang of it in another decade or so.

Live music is such a balm for the soul.

Well now. This is probably pretty overdue.

Now they know how I feel, at least.

Boy howdy, do I, a trans woman, have some thoughts about how the gender revolution put a lot more emphasis on letting girls do boy stuff, and almost none on letting boys do girl stuff, which if anything reinforced the idea that girl stuff is inferior if not shameful.

Hey, neat! It's Amazing Spider-Man 5, from 1963! It's the first time Spidey and Dr. Doom interacted! This was hiding in the corner of a lot I won for a truly cute amount on the internets. Probably the best score I will ever find.

I hate it when my ailing king is usurped by his scheming foreign vizier

The land stirs from winter torpor in snowbell peal, in Stay Below rising. Jackdaws quest for twigs, toads wake. The witch hears whispers of green promise, the song of pussy willow swelling to silver. Feral magics swim her blood. – #EmilyCBanting, 1982 #WitchSky

Honestly if you show me a cat that can operate a zippo I’ll send them a pack of Virginia Slims.

Here is another picture of my cat, Weasel, to help your timeline be not all doomscrolling horrors

It amazes me that these motherfuckers are still standing.

Intelligence officials are starting to leak to me now too. Here’s a memo Defense Intelligence Agency personnel received instructing them to suspend observances including: - Holocaust Remembrance Day - MLK Day - Juneteenth

Just cancelled my Prime membership. Feels good man.

Hey, neat! It's the rare British edition of Forbidden Worlds 73, the first appearance of Herbie Popnecker! Herbie is a magnificent little guy, and Alan Moore has said that Herbie is his favorite superhero.

Look at this goddamn little scramp

Oh my god look at this adorable perfect little piece of shit

Despite all of this, it turns out that my car is fundamentally broken. I understand one of the solutions to this problem is "currency," with which I am generally unfamiliar and am investigating attainability methodology.

When I was 14, I went to the local weird-ass video store and rented bootleg VHS tapes of the Twin Peaks international pilot, the extended cut of Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive," and Jodorowsky's "Holy Mountain." I had the house to myself and watched the best triple feature ever.

Kyle MacLachlan pays tribute to David Lynch "I will miss him more than the limits of my language can tell and my heart can bear. My world is that much fuller because I knew him and that much emptier now that he’s gone ... Thank you for everything"

Can someone just pour the pho directly into my mouth please

I did something to my back yesterday and I guess today is just a complete wash

The cat continues to keep me awake past my bedtime simply by being beautiful

The kid found a recipe that looked good, and here is the result. We made brioche dough yesterday, then today greased up a Bundt pan and rolled the dough around chunks of chocolate and put it in monkeybread-style; baked it up and created a tasty treat.

I can't do it again. My head will explode. I will die. I refuse to do it again.

The cat continues to keep me awake past my bedtime simply by being beautiful

Textures of the old bridge

NEW YEAR NEW CAT

Shortly after Christmas I had the opportunity to visit one of my favorite record shops in the Midwest. It is a vast treasure trove of unimaginable junk, cascading through dozens of rooms; there are also comics and books. It was fun.

Figured now was as good a time as any to bust out a fancy beer from my fancy beer dumpster. Happy new year errbody!

Meatloaf so tender and mild.

I have just replaced a spark plug and ignition coil in my car. I feel EXTREMELY cool and self-sufficient, and I recognize that this is silly, but I am still proud. Look at me! Look at the GENIUS!!!

I will forever love Paul Giamatti bc once at a Globes after party I ask if I could hold his golden globe for $5 and he said sure and I did and we took a photo and then he held out his hand and I gave him that $5 and he said “nice doing business with you” and he’s a g for real for always for that

Midwestern Sepulchral

When my mother was in high school or college, there was a lunch lady who couldn't understand it when the kids complained about the food. They'd say how bad it was, and she'd say "But...you can have more!" She'd been in a concentration camp. "More" was her dividing line for luxury.

Happy Winter Solstice. Egret on Snowy Branch. Ink, 64 × 89 mm, 2014. Inspired by Ohara Koson.

elon was just in the middle of the street doing the fortnite dance for barron when he got hit by his own tesla that was attempting to autopark. backed over him twice. tire got stuck in his head and its peeling out and spraying the placid barron with pureed brain matter and skull bits

googling "last minute gift ideas for the one person who has sustained me, without whom I would be lost, unmoored, crashing upon the rocks under $25"

I always list the full lineup, because it was a killer trifecta. The Melvins, Jesus Lizard, and Primus. I fuckin LOVED the Melvins and all the other kids I attended with mocked me for it. I was right, goddammit

Everything Was Beautiful And Quite a Lot of Things Hurt a Bunch, Actually

It's here! The 2024 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog: defector.com/the-2024-hat...

This is from my flash "A Spectre Lurks at the Putt-Putt on Riverside," published by the magnificent @xraylitmag.bsky.social

average Democratic senator

911: what is your emergency ME: i need to listen to smooth jazz 911: hold please

what the fuck

So I guess here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna stay here for now. I'm gonna block everybody I see being a turd to anybody else, and report them if reportable. I'm gonna silently seethe at how incompetent management is, and I'll join a different instance whenever a viable alternative is available.