Nobody has ever understood the assignment better than Vince Guaraldi.

People who think ‘Santa Baby’ is ‘creepy’ are weirdos. She just wants to fuck Santa. What’s ur problem.

Rankin & Bass & Ted & Alice

New author photo (tired)

I think I’m finally ready to invest big in NFTs.

Including me!

When you have senior dogs, as we did for the last five years, you yearn with misty eyed wistfulness for the vitality and exuberance of their youth. Then you get a puppy and you remember, oh yeah these guys are dickheads.

Check in on your Chads and Parkers after the Jake Paul and Andrew Tate fights.

What she said. Around 2009, so I’m about 43 I think.

Giant hovercraft used to cross the English Channel. We were a society once.

I’ve been named one of the writers.

My one-minute read micro, published five years ago by Dream Journal. ilovedreamjournal.wordpress.com/2020/10/23/d...

Northern Exposure. First rewatch since seeing it on tv in the 90s and it more than holds up (except the last 6-8 episodes).

Who remembers Franz Klammer, the skier. I had a reason for asking this when I started this skeet, but I’ve forgotten it now.

There’s still some gold comments on Facebook now and then

Been watching a lot of dog training video for the, er, ‘energetic’ new pup, and apparently it’s mandatory for male dog trainers to have a ponytail.

Here’s an easy way to remember the difference between concave and convex: concave curves inward, convex curves outward. So just remember that.

Tie between Forrest Gump and Dances With Wolves.

You can’t just jetpack away from your problems.

It’s been ten years, I can say it now: Cormac McCarthy killed my dad.

It was a matter of time before I got canceled

I think he’s comfortable here

So he’s a little maniac

Small life update. Please say hello to Enzo! Today is the start of our new life together ♥️

I’ve always had modest goals for my writing. 3-4 novels, a memoir (done), maybe one short story collection. A small but enthusiastic readership, some of whom move close to me and do whatever I tell them to do.

@gojeffgo.com by chance do you recognize this album cover?

Dreamed I invented something called ‘Hot Pepsi’ and the lawyer I hired to trademark it stole the idea from me.

The dog in question

Just emailed a dog foster about adopting. So, we’ll see if it happens, but I’m ready.

They all laughed when I said I was going to write a funny skeet. Well, no one is laughing now.

Hell yeah!

I have a couple of NYU-branded things I wear (one hoodie, one T-shirt) because NYU is probably the second-most obnoxious school you can rep.

coyote friend

Cyber Monday is here and deals are going fast! These deals are diaphanous. They are receding even as we speak, becoming mere memories of deals, prices longed for but lost, hints at what could have been had for less. A golden slant of sun through window falls on an empty countertop. Act now.

This a good deal and you should do it. Also, I am good and you like me.

Currently we have returned copies (all in good shape) of titles by @ljabouttown.bsky.social @renbolger.bsky.social @ossuary.bsky.social & @justinwriter.bsky.social

I’m the guy who suggested Col. Potter to replace Col. Blake on MASH. “It should be a guy who’s not funny and who sucks,” I said.

These people. ‘I don’t use it, except when I do.’ 🤦🏻‍♂️

If you’re an indie author, chances are the overwhelming number of search engine results on your book are places selling it. I finally found it mentioned by actual human.

Sometimes when I fly I worry the plane will crash. I know it’s an irrational fear because I’ve flown hundreds of times and have only been in twelve crashes.

If you buy my novel, I will throw in a special gift that you will receive between six months from now and never.

Been real slow lately but we’re putting a couple books and a tote bag in the mail tomorrow. We can send you books and stuff. We would love actually! Malarkeybooks.com/store

Kids today don’t know Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute and that really salts my slugs.

Uggghhh Colson Whitehead asked me to blurb his new novel AGAIN. I can only do so much, guys. At some point you’re going to have to make your reputation yourself.

Marketplace (which I need for car stuff) is suddenly full of people selling Tr*mp stuff. Am I only just now seeing this, is it a new thing, or are people wanting to get rid of this stuff ahead of the Epstein files?

I’m teaching a 25-year class about how to finish your novel in 17 years.

What’s the best band that is full of shit? Gotta be Creedence. Great band. From California.

Remember when the Winkelvoss twins were the villains of The Social Network? Don’t get me wrong, they’re still dicks. They’ve just been surpassed.

At Play in the Fields of the Lord by Peter Matthiessen.