YOU: please act normal you need these people to like you ME: no i don't

At this point I think "he's dead" is really the most economical explanation.

While I'm not inclined to give much credence to anything from the NYT politics desk, I cannot emphasize sufficiently just how much the United States needs to not put anyone in any way related to the Kennedy family in any elected or appointed position ever again, at all, ever.

This reminds me of the English TA I had in college who told us that 'The Crying of Lot 49' (not assigned for the course) was an indictment of the emptiness of society: "you get to the end, the whole thing the book has been leading up to, and it's just a vacant lot."

Drafting syllabi for my fall classes, excited to see what ChatGPT thinks of all these texts I'm assigning.

It's taken her a little while to show up, but this is the Abigail Spanberger I was expecting.

Hearing this in the voice of Veruca Salt's father.

Trying to imagine previous presidents' reactions to this. I mean, Nixon would probably get it, once you explained what a tweet was. But Eisenhower, say?

Very good sir, but then how do they come to have your balls in a vise

I mean, I think Tony Schwartz literally wrote the book

Congratulations to new Harvard Kennedy School Senior Fellow Marty Makary

Marco Rubio seen entering 10 Downing Street

Probably they would invent some new elements, or put Australia on the blockchain, [waves hand vaguely] things of that nature

If anyone mentions Khazars, terminate the conversation immediately, find any excuse, don't feel like you have to be polite. This exchange is headed somewhere terrible.

why would i want to delegate my life

All depictions of the Odyssey, a fantasy story, should be historically accurate. So they should look ancient Greek (blond, buff) and talk like ancient Greeks (BBC British).

I think at this point the Democratic justices should just walk out. Hold a press conference and say "This is a sham and we're not going to be a part of it any longer." Let the rulings be 6-0 from here on out.

I can't even

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha good one sir

Not every academic conference, workshop, symposium, seminar, or shindig has to collect the papers for publication.

Part of the calculus for the judges making these terrible decisions is that our side will never, ever impose consequences on them

If Democrats aren't going to fight for my vote to count, what was the point of casting it? What's the point of casting it in November?

just amazing stuff

Look, even if it wouldn't change the redistricting outcome there were still two excellent reasons to do this: 1. Remove these Republican hacks before they deliver more such judgments; 2. Make clear to other Republican hacks that doing shit like this will cost them. But no.

ah, well, nevertheless

...

There are a WHOLE lot of Democratic voters who would be VERY excited about an AOC presidential run, and I wonder if that can be said of anyone else in the plausible field.

Just checking in, is it a "We will 'rain down' fiery destruction and 'end' their civilization!!" day or a "We are on the verge of a great DEAL that will be very good for both countries!!" day

sending back every painting and sculpture of St Sebastian the waiter brings me, banging my fist on the table and yelling SLUTTIER!!

Well not with that attitude

Just saw someone describe Mr. Brightside as "Sweet Caroline for people who will never own a house" and I am in awe

Sounds like they offered to replace the JCPOA with BOFA

resetting the Days Without Sprite Getting A Skink sign back to zero

Excited to see the Labour Party replace Starmer with the one guy who would plausibly be even worse

OH NOW IRAN HAS A CARD

Just as women are really dressing for other women, so men are really enlarging their scrota for other men

Iran Jaunt Iran Frolic Iran Divagation Iran Junket Iran Ramble Iran Outing Iran Digression

If nothing else, I'd like to see some changes for the Virginia Supreme Court justices this year. Cut their staffing budget, reallocate their parking spots, move them all to the aluminum health insurance plan. Appoint someone to do a thorough audit of their expense reports.

I am disappointed that SCOVA nullified the recent election, in conclusion please vote

The external world could take care of itself. In the meantime it was folly to grieve, or to think. The prince had provided all the appliances of pleasure. There were buffoons, there were improvisatori, there were ballet-dancers.

"There was no damage done to the three Destroyers, but very great damage done to the Iranian attackers" has a real Wheelock sentence feel to it.

"Alfred de Montesquiou interviewed over thirty of the world’s most eminent historians of ancient Rome, many of whom specialize in different periods of Caesar’s life, which made it possible to pull off a stupendous feat—to write this history based exclusively on documented facts."

"scheduled maintenance"

Sobering warnings here from a Punchbowl journalist, John Fetterman's former chief of staff, and Mrs. Tony Dokoupil

ROUND THIS OPACOUS EARTH

The regime's motivations mostly make sense in their own terms. Trump is motivated by vanity and greed, Hegseth by some kind of religious mania (+ booze), Vance and Rubio love power for its own sake. But with RFK Jr. it seems like it's just straight-up nihilism. He loves disease and death.

Ozymandias is a perfect poem bc it proves that no matter how powerful and historically significant you are a shitposter can show up and dunk on you so hard that people only remember you as the guy who got dunked on.

STATUETTE IN THE BACKGROUND: Yep, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I came to find myself in this position

"The Duck of Death" was right there