Is it horrible and tone deaf? Of course! That being said I wouldn’t turn my back on these guys either.

here come old laptop he come bootin up slowly he got broken touchpad he need one more update he got no space on this pc one thing i can tell you its got no warranty

Eat up, Junior; you’re gonna get too big to do that as an adult.

Current lock screen. I’m a fan of photos that look like graphics but aren’t. This is a closeup of a mid-sized sculpture

"If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population" - Scrooge F. Kennedy.

bad news for me, the guy who uses the world's biggest condom

The homemade yogurt is delicious; I call it a success: mild, thin, but creamy and rich. Filtered a genuinely massive amount of whey. Super cool.

Top tier idea. If I could take the elevator to my grocery store ✨💕.

When you order Bert Kreischer from Temu:

David Arkenstone. It’s like…an entire universe of RPG tavern music and I love it.

Got up at 4:30am to check out my homemade yogurt and get it into the filtering stage. Looks/tastes pretty good, though a tad watery. When I get up in another four hours I SHOULD have Greek yogurt. >

Never ever forget that hearing “this isn’t marketable” means absolutely nothing beyond “we don’t know how to sell this and we’re not interested in finding out”

Accepting the inevitability of burnout means it can be anticipated. It’s like…mapping out gas stations and rest areas along a road trip.

Can't talk. Adding Jamie Farr to the list of "What if Columbo could regenerate like Doctor Who"

Sun Tzu once said “yeah don’t worry about the flu; troops crammed into ships and camps and military bases famously don’t spread illnesses like wildfire.”

Sometimes I think about Pat Robertson, who died at 93 and whose influence and legacy of sanctimonious grift still permeates politics and culture to this day. How he was propped up in his 80s and allowed to rant and rave and accept massive mints of funding for just existing into pretty much the end.

“That’s nice, Pop-Pop, let’s get you back to the home.”

Alonso: "What's that song that goes 'Ooh ahh, just a little bit?" Me: It's called "Ooh Ahh Just a Little Bit." He married me for my archive of Gina G facts.

"Hungry Cells Whispering Chicken Dreams" is my favorite Cibo Matto Album.

Peabody Award.

A lot of us discovered our passion and our calling after 40. Well after 40! And we were each inspired by someone who did the same. We’ve got balls. Let’s talk about us!

It’s a toss up between paying taxes and not paying the regime.

Yearly post of Gertrude Michael singing ‘Sweet Marijuana’ in Murder at the Vanities (1934). Happy 4/20!

Waking up to news that the regime is now moving to gut the endangered species act. Did these people watch Captain Planet and jerk off to the villains? captainplanet.fandom.com/wiki/Categor...

Absolutely incredible. NASA Astronaut Reid Wiseman, who commanded Artemis II, took this footage from the far side of the Moon with his iPhone. Watch with sound on.

The corner store is where everybody will be celebrating when you go to jail.

The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.

Guilt can be protective. It forms a shield between you and accountability. But it’s a paper thin shield against the onslaught of truth. Saying “I feel too guilty to speak to my own actions,” is not the defense you think it is.

Due to increased cost of living I can no longer afford to pay the following: 1. attention 2. it forward 3. you any mind 4. the piper

1. Wash hands. 2. Sound of running water creates urge to pee. 3. Wash hands again.

Pro tip: you can just make a cake. Like…there doesn’t have to be an event. Just make a cake. 🍰

I have never preheated an oven to bake a cake. Because the first ingredient is room temp softened butter. Recipes should read “step one; take the butter out two hours before you start baking,”

True! Fun fact: They did this because someone leaked Robert Bork’s rental history during his confirmation battle.

"So how was your date?" Me: "I think it went well - she was mesmerized by my dance moves, then she borrowed my phone and called the police."

A VCR never sold my private info to a nazi

The delicious joy of falling back asleep.

gn

Grinding to a halt.

snooze

Love this.

Peptides, protein, bran muffins, juicing, omega-3 fish oils, spirulina, krill, antioxidants, cauliflower pizza crust, and all the other “miracle life hacks” will never be as cost effective as going for a fucking walk, not smoking and getting some sleep. #stupidmaxxing

Why am I crying! This is the best of humanity. Welcome home all over again guys.

Solitude at sunrise. There is something so peaceful sitting on the edge of Glastonbury Tor looking down over the Somerset Levels bathed in golden light.

Omgz my life is better now. Run, you chubby lil’ borbs. ✨

What the f—. ORBAN was sending money to CPAC?! This is insane. www.yahoo.com/news/article...

Me to 3yo: What do you want for your birthday party theme? 3yo: “Poopoo & peepee theme! We can get apple juice for the pee, so a skeleton pees and you drink the skeleton pee but it’s okay because it’s juice” Me: ..K I was thinking like “dinosaurs” but let’s put a pin in “piss fountain of the dead”

Balsamic No Grandbabies.