Talented but alcoholic film actors were exiled to prestige television in the 80s— and that was an AMAZING time for American television.

my wife: we have to wear what we died in for eternity!? st. peter: that’s right me: [from the back end of our horse costume] what’d he say

Bet you a buck that the largest regular use of AI in the corporate world are those three little auto reply options in email replies. “Sounds good— I’m in.”

I shall rest.

It’s time to wake up and put on clothes and get in the car to go to the money making factory of your choice so you can afford the clothes and the car to go to the money factory and occasionally also do things that don’t involve the money factory but still require the money factory as a lil’ treat.

This all happened because you got a Halloween tattoo.

The most surreal part of all this marketplace idiocy is that I’m gainfully employed. I’m literally gainfully employed. And frankly if this goes worst-case, I just won’t have insurance. This means my emergencies will cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands more. Sorry in advance.

Not shocked but... I received my marketplace insurance adjustment ESTIMATE; in the best case scenario I will double my monthly contribution; in the worst case scenario with no subsidy that number doubles again.

This is why kangaroos look so smug.

Just got my hair cut. I think I look good. And yes I’m Ariana Grande. This is my secret angry GenX account. Didn’t you know?

I’m tired of eating and pooping may I be excused from these activities?

I still think he’s gonna hand it over to JD Vance the last week of his term; Vance pardons him pre-emptively for all crimes, past, present and future; and he goes home to die peacefully on satin sheets with the peace reserved only for Those Who Got Away With It.

“The sweet silver-haired crossing guard at my kid’s elementary school doesn’t deserve to go hungry or lose her healthcare…unlike people I don’t know, or homeless people, or brown people, or brown people from other countries, or all the poor people who just don’t try harder at being rich.”

“If you don’t like my views, unfollow me,” is lazy and implies you can’t be arsed to know who your audience is. Instead, go click on all 2,500 of those “friends” and make sure they’re not racist Nazi psychopaths.

To want is the sin. Touch soft but uninvited Thief. Cowardly thief.

Okay I’ve eaten and now the urge to kill is subsiding.

How am I still hungry. I hate this mortal coil.

I’m so tired. Aren’t y’all tired?

Mosquito trap. The mosquito lands on the salt, thinking it's sugar. They get thirsty for water, but the cap has rum in it. The mosquito gets drunk, trips on the stick and bangs its head on the rock. You’re welcome

Every once in a while I think about the time I was trying to tell three male coworkers about a study that had shown that men think their female coworkers talk more & interrupt more, even though, in fact, men talk & interrupt more, but I could never finish telling them, b/c they kept interrupting me.

Dave Matthews Band. Bave Datthews Mand. Mave Batthews Dand.

“Stay angry, little Meg," Mrs Whatsit whispered. "You will need all your anger now.”

Whaaaaaaaa this is not surprising at all thx.

It’s open mic, not a Vegas residency. You selfish prick.

i am 63 years old. my embarrassment years are behind me. i do not care about being cringe or being too earnest. i am not afraid of your ridicule. i have grown a full set of armor around me in my older years

Nothing on this packaging states “only for children” so it’s coming home with me.

If I were running the DNC, there would be Democratic Party sponsored food relief banks across the country right now that specifically welcomed anyone regardless of party affiliation. Along with the food, there could be voter registration and links to runforsomething.net

I would kiss this man on the mouth. Lovely quote.

I hate the generational divide stuff but I will confirm that GenX confidently hallucinated barely understandable/incompetent research papers without any help from ChatGPT.

For every five pounds you get a free echocardiogram.

Don't read the comments; they're just full of hot takes on the "correct" way to draw fat people and those people are boring because they're arguing about nothing. Like they got up, read this post and said "I've decided to die on the hill of fat people illustration correctness." Go touch grass.

Two days of rain.

Just discovered that the Michelin Man used to ride a bike while wearing slutty little red boots and smoking a huge stogie. I don't know where else to put this information except in the Cool Files

So if it’s the people’s ballroom I can host my grand-niece’s quinceañera? SWEET.

Anyone can become disabled. Anyone can lose their job. Anyone can become homeless. Anyone can go hungry. These are not moral failings. They can happen in an instant. Most people are far closer to living in poverty than they realize. We must fight for one another & for the most vulnerable.

If we are in the middle of a messaging volley and you stop responding to me for an hour or a day I just assume you are either dead or mad at me or both dead and mad at me. It’s Schrödinger’s Anxiety Cat.

“Oh yes, New Sheriff, our tiny town just happens to have a vast network of man-high tunnels that links with our sewer system and we forgot to mention it until the third person was murdered — whoopsie!” — horror movies from the 70s/80s

Sexy LIGEIA ROGER CORMAN. Hell yah

If your website requires me to sign up for your newsletter to see your products:

Manifesto Manifeste Manifestan Manifestamos

THE STORM…of savings!

Somebody told me the reason that ICE can’t recruit decent folks is there’s only so many washed out police recruits and mall cops in the general population.

The New York Times publishes a handy guide to which federal forces are terrorizing us at any moment. This is America, 2025.

Sell the rest, walk away.

Doctors appointment today. Might wear something silly.