my plan to fix soccer: every unconvincing dive should result in a 10-game unpaid suspension

quick question: what the fuck is this

(this is oversimplified and insufficient but is correct)

no one's doing it like him

this is the moderating voice on immigration in the White House

Saladin in 1189:

vuelve a casa

ohhh is Argentina in the middle of a late game comeback? should we tell everyone? should we throw a party? should we invite maradona

So far only one football superpower that Spain could not defeat at this world cup- Cabo Verde

the worm man is instructive on right-wing ecosystem incentives. was a complete unknown, catapulted into niche fame and SCOTUS cites through birthright citizenship hackery, and is now just a full-time Trump apologist on any issue in the news

if I received my job application I would simply interview and, ideally, hire me

was rooting for Switzerland but the Embolo dive was so embarrassing I'm kind of glad they lost

man. that sucks

least favorite part of soccer is how much whining there is

scoring while Kane takes a dive. excellent

the percentage of time the ball has spent on England's side has to be single digits so far

exceedingly rare UChicago W

I am staring directly at the Executive Office for Immigration Review

nobody wants to hear this but I see this story gaining traction and feel it's worth reiterating that 1) pressuring people to self-deport upon booking is standard procedure, AND ALSO 2) ICE would deviate from standard procedure here if they wanted the truth

(ICE pressures everyone it detains to take voluntary departure (if eligible) as soon as they're detained) (that doesn't make this good)

there wasn't soccer for one day and it felt like a month. I forgot the world cup was happening

if bill clinton has a million haters, then i am one of them. if he has ten haters, then i am one of them. if he has only one hater then that is me. if bill clinton has no haters, then that means i am no longer on earth. if the world loves bill clinton, then i am against the world

there is a cohort of men who resent the responsibilities and obligations of adulthood — of the fact that you owe things to other people. it is a fundamentally childish impulse that they have reconfigured as the height of masculinity, and i think it informs the parasocial attraction to platner.

oh brother

oh my GOD

um, so everyone cheering on egypt in the world cup realizes how the pyramids were built right? but i guess that's a conversation you're not ready to have

holy shit

oh that's getting overturned

holy shit

The technical term for getting beaten soundly by Belgium in soccer is “getting waffle housed.”

Less a chess move than the only rational response to all the very obvious signs of his poor judgment and low moral character. It's the behavior of Sanders, Warren, Gallego, the Pod Save Boys et al that has been truly remarkable (derogatory).

I only root for countries with no problematic history or politics

the Large Norwegian Man will handle this

an annual hearty Fuck You to everyone blasting fireworks in the neighborhood

wait does Paraguay have a player who just runs around punching people? and not getting carded for it?

was just outside for 10 minutes in Philly. would not recommend playing soccer there

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

CABO VERDE UNDEFEATED IN REGULATION IN ALL WORLD CUPS

I hope vozinha never has to pay for a drink for the rest of his life

pretty cool to watch a game with the greatest player of all time and also Lionel Messi

VOZINHAAAA

VOZINHA

normally I root for the underdog, but I gotta go with Cabo Verde next match

indoor heads thriving though. if you're out and about you're a lout. under a roof that's the truth

guys I know we all want to take every opportunity to shit on ICE, but like, the AC went out. it's awful and should be fixed as quickly as possible. it's not... evil and wicked

look, whether you root for team USA or not, i think we can all agree the important thing is that you should feel like a sorry piece of shit 24 hours a day for deciding to be alive

love how applying for a job now involves a resume and cover letter and also manually inputting all the information from your resume and also answering a series of questions that a cover letter is designed for

Some of you are a little too worried about a RED card in soccer and not worried enough about the ORANGE man in the White House!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!