Keep seeing Belgium written down and thinking they’ve discovered some cool new scientific element, but it’s just the second worst country in Europe

中华人民共和国万岁！

In hindsight, the 2005 discovery of viagra for bald eagles was a gamechanger

Sometimes you’re scrolling and realise you don’t need an Oxford University Professor to tell you the fastest way to tie your shoes

Yes it was a delightful afternoon at Pinot Palooza, yes I just woke up from a 2 hour nap

The people in hell want ice water

Why did no one milk Jesus when they had the chance?

carly rae jepsen’s one a the few artists whose new music i receive as scripture: if anything is odd or a little canny on the ear it’s up to *me* to do the work, or count amongst the fallen

When are all of our phones supposed to have that practice alarm go off? July sometime?

SIX MONTHS UNTIL CHRISTMAS - IF YOU HAVEN’T ORDERED YET YOUR PRESENTS MAY NOT ARRIVE UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS

Thinking about how no one cares about that little monkey with the orangutan toy in the bleak Japanese zoo now because it grew out of it’s cute phase

Tbh now I think about it. He legitimised racism and transphobia. He cracked down on anti-genocide protests in a massively authoritarian way, he did nothing to counter austerity. Absolute shite PM. Blair level shiteness.

I can’t imagine a baby being named Roger in this year, 2026. I think it’s over now. Another name resigned to history

Clutch wife // sauerkraut husband

New app: do you want to enable notifications? Me: I don't even want to have this phone

My body is a machine that transforms potential into nothing.

undeniably good optics: signing a war treaty in Versailles

I’m fascinated and terrified by the idea of K Home

9 months til the ides of March!

I hate the new Klingons. They talk too stilted

Starting at ep 1

4 × 3 100 points • 0 mistakes 🌟🟪🟪 🌟🟩🟩 🟦🌟🟦 🟨🌟🟨

Buying a new couch because our couch sucks and transferring money to the joint account and I’ve used the laziest portmanteau of ‘nickouch’ - if you even care

Remembering this

Why don’t the soccer goalie get guns to protect the goals?

I know the opening shot of The Golden Girls when I see it

Excited to feel something

How long before Russia invades Armenia? Well that depends. Russia is unlikely to take on Armenia before the Ukraine invasion has stabilised, which they want to achieve within 6 months. Does the old advice not to invade Russia in autumn work in reverse?

These were a revelation

Albanese is our Obama

Awfully tired today. Everything is made a little bit worse by a tight back. If I wake up to myself and go get a massage tomorrow I may feel better

We’ve got to get back to vague posting

"yes, Mozart was one of our great composers, most well-known for writing "Fire Water Burn", a universally beloved arrangement"

[to the tune of Noiseworks - Hot Chilli Woman]: Blueberry Muffin

Why regret!

Uncommon fact! I. P. Freely is short for Intellectual Property Freely

Do you ever get the feeling that Trump might get the Bolsonaro disease where he just keeps living despite very clear signs he is at death’s door and everyone wants it to happen?

Is it sound to write ‘2ndary’ instead of ‘secondary’? I feel like a fraud (unrelated)

Apparently Gary Lineker is the UK’s gobbledock

Waiter: Tonight’s special is moussaka Man, winking at confused date: Well, you are what you eat! 1 moot sucker, my good man

What a fucked week. Might go see my 100 year old grandmother tomorrow though, that’d be nice

Absolutely fucked that the GoPro app takes up a full fifth of my iPhone space (25GB out of 128GB) - where do they get the nerve?

Interesting that Ben Roberts-Smith isn’t on LinkedIn 🤨

Finally watched Minari. A wonderful movie

Welcome back to AEST, baby! The early risers among us have never been up earlier! 😎😎🌅🌄

Just ate a cinnabon hot cross bun and the rumours are true

albo to announce national expansion of kingsley’s chicken

Going to hold an Address to the Nation to announce it’s not looking good for Essendon this year