had a moment with a chicken~

a cat can be so necessary

he's back baby, that's comedy 🎭

if they discovered a new type of genital these are some words we could use to describe their components: ✅ pulvis ✅ sherptum ✅ gleeter ✅ furner’s boste ✅ endemdys ✅ frillée (palatal approximant [j]) ✅ guntus ✅ psoibe ✅ plynt ✅ funtum ✅ ointer ✅ ghunt

reading the bible to get better at country town pub trivia,,,

Every time I play a Zelda game I’m like where are all the Jews

i like to imagine there could be a sandwich that fixes everything

we all made fun of mcdonalds using pig fat in their ice cream and now everyone uses gum emulsifiers that give us bowel cancer and rot us from the inside out — save us bobby jr 😭

savoury shapes very good for when you want a crunchy mealy treat but you don’t deserve too much excitement or flavour or quality

this is how we watch tv every night, discuss

there should be a service where i can pay to make out with someone

The piss tank on the ISS is now 5% full.

so excited to be joining my fellow bald 38 year old gay men for a night of fun,

spring has sprung! and the japanese rape trees are beautiful 💚

how waterboard cat how to waterboard a cat can you waterboard a cat cat able to be waterboarded cat able to be water boarded water boarding cat water boarding cat at home punish cat how to punish cat

🚨 the work barista my boss told me not to fuck has quit 🚨

glorious september sun, delicious home-cooked breakfast in my belly, and the spectre of knowing i’ve run out of time to mean anything to anybody

am i drinking enough water? am i drinking enough water? am i drinking enough water? am i drinking enough water? am i drinking enough water? am i drinking enough water?

obsessed with how awful the hungarian language is: what do you mean this gorgeous 24 year old blonde sprinter is named “boglárka”

Honestly guys, my only crime is trying to find a husband

the woolworths potato and rosemary sourdough goes the fuck off, it flicks your shit till you whinny like a pony

i am so profoundly and borderline destructively addicted to my phone and i do not care

pink chicken cooks to white, purple shrimp cooks to orange — i like to imagine all the colours of all the animals on all the planets in the galaxy and close my eyes and imagine i could cook them

my mother watching nip/tuck in 2007:

if i live forty more years that’s 29,000 more times brushing my teeth, which, idk man

decline gay 💕

R U a gay?

just had a meeting about something happening in the 2030s 🤖🤖🤖🥴🫤🫠

the brightening embers of spring fighting to pierce the rising fog of the late winter season, their fitful hints of heat throbbing nine-elevenfully through the cold,

you’re hearing it more and more (everybody wants chode phones)

steve apple needs to fire the dude doing the iphones and go back to giving me fat little chode phones that aren’t stupid 👏 chode 👏 phone 👏 👏 chode 👏 phone 👏 👏 chode 👏 phone 👏

they should make a phone i want

the last showgirl is the best possible movie that can be made with 85 minutes

a young farmer that’s sucked me off a couple times reached out to let me know he’s getting divorced

my end of winter electricity bill was $200 less than i feared it would be

the moon is a big floating fuckwit

BREAKING: Erin Patterson receives $2,000 fine and six months suspended sentence, Victorian Supreme Court Justice Hon. Christopher Beale stating “this is the maximum punishment we can imagine”.

just inspecting the stitching on my steering wheel’s frenulum

not reeeeeally enjoying any part of my life outside of work

now imagine a sandwich: toasted potato sourdough, one side smeared with butter the other seeded mustard, upon the buttered side one pushed slices of brie, and upon that half a pack a prosciutto shredded by thine own hand — little crack a salt — and the might of medieval kings reaching across time

having a beautiful cat is nature’s way of telling me i like beautiful cats 💖

i want to eat something that makes me feel good about myself

we wouldn’t have a nazi issue in australia at all if the main one wasn’t hot 🤷🏻‍♂️

bishkek is going to be the next berlin you’re hearing it more and more

i am become the woolworths potato and rosemary sourdough just recently discoverer

haven’t bleeted about foreskin in a while… troubling

I don't post for money I post because if I don't say weird stuff I'll literally die. If you kofi me four dollars that's great. If you don't I'll fuckin post anyway

we’re in the embers and vembers and ombers — 2025 reportedly the fastest year in human history

twenty-four years… hard to believe 9/11 is now too old for me to fuck

doing a bunch of shoulder and core shit at the gym lately and now my body won’t let me slouch comfortably at work 😡⚡️