????????

i could be a friend…?

let he who has not had baffling mouth sex with a professional rival cast the first stone 🙏

learning a bit of ancient greek on youtube and ᾢ looks like a butt doing a poo

something, anything, should be pleasant without consequence

they need to make a grindr for just talking on the couch in front of the tv and maybe our legs touch a bit

richard x turning a channel 10 promo song into a song you can fuck to 😫🤙🤙🤙

trying to foam roll without breaking my cat’s paws and tail

having a giant cat that spoons my arm to sleep is pretty good (not pictured: his cold toes pressed into the inside of my warm forearm)

MARTHA WE CALL THEM BRAZIL NUTS NOW

just had a VERY uncircumcised zambrero (no pic)

the light is so gorgeous on my perfect mediterranean skin

[two weeks of a sustained calorie deficit] why have i lost weight i have cancer i have cancer i finally have cancer i have cancer 😭😭😭

my dreams aren’t even 3D lived situations anymore — they’re youtube infographic style slideshows……

one a my youtube hand chefs carefully peeling a steamed beetroot with a folded piece of paper towel~~~

i turn off all that screen time stuff because it makes me feel like shit about myself

his range >

i’m just this peripheral entity

realised i haven’t had night sex in about four years

services victoria FORCING me to choose one of these security questions, for which i have no answers

ticking the “LGBTQIA+” box in the “disabilities” column of yet another document in my capacity as an arts not-for-profit board member

they need to execute the people who made creative cloud

how we watch youtube together when he’s just ripped the drainage shunt out of the washing machine and i won’t know the carpets are flooding for another hour 💖

i’m in love with being hungry

one of my coworkers said “pet owners are supposed to worm themselves every 6-12 months”…?

there should be a form of rest that replenishes you

39 is too old to care about the lead protein thing 🧘‍♂️

two years sober from being carjacked 😇🙏

frantic research ahead of another day managing casuals

[5 degree morning voice] a cat’s love is so real, so honest,

date idea: you come out to the country, we watch the 439 minute long epic hungarian film Sátántangó (1994, dir. Béla Tarr) on my couch — sexlessly but intimately — while eating $50 of delivered syrian food

cannot retain pope leo’s regnal number… is he the 16th? 14th? 8th? i need a mnemonic

they’re saying we need a wikifeet for cats,

only a few more weeks until i can declare myself a sovereign citizen!!!

there should be a cat that doesn’t slash at you

the new stationary bike seats at my gym are hard and they hurt my taint/gunch 😭

what am i doing out here!! i should be wearing a tight polo shirt and working a windows xp terminal at an azerbaijani port office!

if bluesky fails, i will just stand in the street corner yelling my posts

eating the choc top over the bin at the back of the cinema during the trailers to get it over and done with

woke up at 6am today (saturday) and “seized the day” by doing all my chores and exercise and errands done by 10.30am… and now it’s 3pm and i feel like i have lived a thousand empty years and am begging for the grace of death

crazy erin patterson appealing the sentence… being in prison is exactly where i want to be when the war starts

incredible advances in teat-slurping panoptica happening in God’s own victoria!!!!!!! embrace the large hadron cowlider!!!!! the milkflesh must face its kin!!!!

i'm free!!!!!! i'm free!! i'm finally free!!!!!! 😱

had a kebab it was a mixed kebab with lettuce tomato onion, and i added the chilli slurry they do and cheese and sour cream and it was pretty good hey

i think i need to become a linkedin girly

time to settle in, husbandlessly, with a maxibon and an 87 hour no commentary playthrough of rdr2,

My online therapist told me that vulnerability is medically disgusting