I started an online order for grocery delivery from Metro Market (i.e. Kroger) and was reminded that they don't do their own deliveries anymore and all the shopping/delivery is handled via Instacart. Fuck that- I'll just skip the whole order, then.

Obviously I don’t align with this administration on everything but I do think hyperinflation is cool. We’re all going to be millionaires

If you crop a photo of someone whose hands are in their pockets, it looks like they just have really droopy boobs.

*sees current events and takes a few jumps in logic* You know... we didn't harass cybertruck drivers enough.

To people who pronounce "vs." as "verse": Stop that! You sound stupid!

Following Joe Mande on Instagram is very rewarding.

I bet he'd be pretty pissed if they had given the role of host of "The Pete Davidson Show" to someone else.

I had this thought every time I saw videos of these tools driving around with open windows. They're just asking to get trash thrown in there.

I hear the name "Sears Towers" is available to use.

I've had a kegerator for 18 years and I still don't have a perfect sense of balancing the gas so I still find myself googling either "Beer too foamy?" or "Beer not very foamy?" every few months.

As a Bootheel-knower and an Arkansas IQ ridiculer, this made me LOL.

ICE, who should be tied directly to the republican party you’re theoretically trying to beat, is tear-gassing children and dogs for fun

Why are there two sleds? Why is everyone in the White House conceptually illiterate?

I can't find my credit card so I called the last place I used it. The person who answered the phone was checking the cards she had and she read to me the names of other cards she could find: "Ramos... Williamson... Perez." I should've just said "That's it!" and taken one of those.

A Senate committee is holding a bogus hearing today based on junk science about the abortion pill mifepristone, a safe and effective medication that's the most common form of abortion. This hearing isn't about science — it's about laying the groundwork for banning medication abortion nationwide.

I laugh at the notion that anyone could be concerned about a billionaire threatening to move away from anywhere.

Deeply disappointed we are denying our kids healthcare. My statement:

I will never wear a puffer jacket. This has been my lifelong style promise for decades that you can continue to rely on.

Chris, it’s Mark Kelly. They’re after me and I need to take the next rocket into space as soon as possible. Can I count on you to chip in $15 by midnight so I can return to outer space where Trump and his goons can’t find me?

Yikes. Was a huge fan of their labor arbitration and working conditions regulation but had no idea about their explicit nativism. Unfollowing now.

JUDGMENT NIGHT was so bad and the soundtrack was so popular that I kind of thought they were just looking for just any old crappy script to attach all those songs to.

Fundraiser for Minneapolis ICE shooter that’s already raised $178,000 casually points out that the mayor is Jewish 😬

I really don't want to be caught off-guard When It Happens. I should go to the liquor store and take my time perusing the shelves. Maybe consult with the employees about my options and come back home with a bottle I'm really pleased about.

I love when a restaurant has a soft opening.

I looked up going to a Maple Leafs game once (1 time) when I was in Toronto 10 months ago and ever since StubHub has been like "Still interested in seeing the Maple Leafs? Hmmm?"

Being able to take your Christmas tree and just throw it on the sidewalk for the city to pick up is a sign of state-sponsored Christianity.

I think it's going to be a good week. jk jk jk

I like this nativity scene. Lucy is the Holy Virgin Mother. Charlie Brown, her husband. Snoopy, I'm guessing, is a wise man. And, finally, Woodstock is Emmanuel, the promised of ages.

ordering 64 drills 50 impact drivers 48 industrial batteries 22 circular saws 12 chainsaws 220 screwdrivers and wrenches

I just found out last night that the $50k enrollment bonus only pays out after 5 years of service, and reader, the laugh I let out when I read that woke the dog from across the house. These absolute fucking grapes aren't seeing a dime of that money. No way they can ride out 5 years of this job.

The party has taken a turn youtu.be/6jAlDVxPz8o?...

We're keeping Western spies away by partying to this sound youtu.be/KegTv8H2QQM?...

We're partying in my house GSPD – Евродэнс (Official Video) www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hV3...

We're coping by listening to .... www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AO9...

"Dad, can we play 'The Bears Still Suck?'" No, we cannot.

Who doesn't love a mid-game shockingly large energy bill reminder?

The dancing in our living room has begun.

Should have dropped that INT but I ain't mad.

Dog = WALKED Frozen Pizzas = IN THE OVEN Packers = ON TV

My wife is in California and trying to make me jealous. (It's working)

The great thing about being a transit nerd is that I’ve never respected Elon Musk

It's funny that Republicans panicked about the increase in IRS staffing and acted like we were enabling a rogue agency to attack the nation And now they're cheering an actual rogue agency kidnapping and murdering people.

Good morning, Packer fans! It's game day! Time to get serious. Take a shower. Put on your party underwear. Get your beers cold and aligned in the fridge. Make all your important phone calls well ahead of kickoff.

rightwingers always call women “too emotional” but renee good states she’s not mad in a calm voice while the agitated emotional ICE agent unloads his gun umprompted and calls her a “fucking bitch” after she’s dead

It should be bigger news that masked agents were filmed hours ago removing potentially inculpatory evidence from the ICE shooter's house, clearly lacking evidence tags or chain of custody stickers. Before we have word on whether he underwent a toxicology screen at the hospital following the killing