acab includes simplisafe

TRON: BOFADES

Don’t have a misaligned spine, dude!

jabba the unc

guys will see this & go “hell yeah”

the champagne 🍾 i bought off Craigslist turned out to be bootleg (Tom Perignon)

u guys can keep him

when i wake up too early on a Saturday

The cure for the male loneliness epidemic is to win a game 5 in 15 innings

Cajun rando Julien St. Randeaux

*marley voice* 🎵 i got the tariff / but i did not pay the import fee 🎵

nobody talks about Bradbury’s dystopian customer service novel, Karenheit 451

When you have a job interview immediately before the Austin Powers lookalike contest

me: how do u respond to allegations that u are if the band jet was a guy milei:

*foreigner voice* 🎵 fell those guys / with that circumcision 🎵

*negotiating the purchase of mids* i’m not going to mid against myself

OOO emails be like “please be advised that i will be out of the office in celebration of the Christmas holiday, 2013,”

this beatdown is aligned with our company’s values & strategic vision for your kicking your ass

*in response to extremely-mid development* let’s gooooooooo

booty had me like

it sucks that peyton & eli manning have the nuclear football

MY LIFESTYLE

ASLamar: ASMR, Odom-Style

when u refuse to abandon the Dockers brand after years of terrific slacks, that’s the unc cost fallacy

the most prestigious DJs have degrees from the UK’s venerable AuxCord University

costume idea: Pat MacAndMe, & u wear a tank top while getting rolled off a cliff in a wheelchair

invoking the insurrection act to quell mark sanchez

MS Outlook stands for Mark Sanchez Outlook

i’ve set up a scholarship fund for all the Bratz

the dog that just goes around saying bacon is a threat to national security

mark sanchez innocence project

today was my first leg day without Jane Goodall

jagoffs- are you kidding me?

personally i think all teams are special

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry 2: You May Now Kiss The Brad

one if by land, two if by sea, three if by lime scooter

the cubs score is fake news & a democrat hoax

juggs magazine editor-in-chief aaron juggs

*young mc voice* just post a nude

“tremendous bonage” by taynor smith is pretty good. no complaints

*cornell voice* 🎵 roofman / access the roof if u can 🎵

🫡 to all my autumnal bros & harvest hoes

M-Th / F

the power, & the speed- to be the best in the national league?

DEW OR DIE

“it’s apéritif, not adam & steve” —pete hegseth, at a special army dinner

reverse cowgirl mortgage

Up late (9:27 pm) thinking about life. What’s my purpose while I’m here

measurable outcomes bf, core values alignment gf

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