😁

Couldn't agree more! Bluesky has helped us grow our "export" business by 386% Plus I don't think Musk would have appreciated our presence on his platform.

Sorry folks, we only deal in acquiring Teslas. Although we are exploring new emerging verticals and markets with some syndicate partners.

We heard about this late last night. Ask us how we know. 😏

Lots of MAGA sign-ups today. 🥷🏽 🚘 💰 😏 stealmytesla.com

Elon tearfully installing a "I bought Trump before I knew he was crazy" bumper sticker on his jet

Are you a Cybertruck owner? Got dem Depreciation Blues? We can get that Tesla off your hands and put you in back in the black.

SPECIAL LIVESTREAM: Tomorrow at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern, the Tesla Haters Union Local 42069 will be gathering to hate on today's Elon Musk media blitz. Featuring yours truly and @esghound.com, back hating together again. Hope you can join us! youtube.com/live/YUOCx7P...

Adversarial as an art form.

Steal My Tesla is brought to you by VanHighs.com We officially launched our store today. Come buy our merch and support our fuckery. Happy 420! Happy Easter! #420bunny #fourtwenty #easterbunny

Or those owners can give us a call if they're really desperate. 🤙🏼🥷🏼🚘💰😏

We've been pretty busy too... 😏

It's midnight and Trump's tarrifs are in full effect. What does that mean for Steal My Tesla? Nothing. Seriously, we operate on the black market and there's literally zero policing or oversight at this point. Fraud all you want, baby! You can't spell America without crime.

If you can't trade in your Cybertruck, we have other means available... 🥷🏽🚘💰😏

Or if you need to take some more extreme measures, we're here for ya.... 🥷🏽🚘💰😏

Marketing our services to distressed Tesla owners, of course!

We beg to differ.

Hollywood, CA 🥷🏼🚘💰😏 #HandsOff2025 #TeslaTakedown

Apologies for the brief delay in our services today. We're giving our street acquisition teams the day off so they can participate in handsoff2025.com Hope to see you out there! #handsoff2025 #teslatakedown

Apologies for the brief delay in our services today. We're giving our street acquisition teams the day off so they can participate in handsoff2025.com Hope to see you out there! #handsoff2025 #teslatakedown

Friday jams by The Fever Pistol youtu.be/jD_H441XsYc?...

And if you can't trade yours in... we gotchu 😏

There is some good news. Like Mr. Rogers says, look to the helpers, such as @teslatakedown.com. www.bloomberg.com/news/article...

We use Signal of course!

We appreciate the volunteers out there who want to help market our services — which why we've created this flyer to help with those efforts stealmytesla.com/smt-flyer/

Tired: "I drive a Cybertrkkk" Wired: "My car was stolen by domestic terrorists"

Hey all you hot Cybertruck dudes — call us now and we'll rescue your rep as quick as we'll steal your ride. 🤙🏼🥷🏼🚘

Well, well, well. It seems we may have some partnership opportunities... 😏

Weird, we're busier than ever! 😏

We'll be reporting our quarterly numbers tomorrow as well and business is boooooooming. stealmytesla.com

Well done @booker.senate.gov. Well done, indeed.

Good trouble, indeed. @booker.senate.gov @corybooker.com

I don't think this would have had quite the traction it did if it wasn't for @niedermeyer.online and his initial support when we launched. #ThankYou #Respect

Hi! It's #AprilFoolsDay so figured this was the perfect time to re-introduce ourselves. We're StealMyTesla.com. 👋🏼🥷🏽🚘💰 A totally real service which openly markets itself on the web that will steal your vehicle, bribe local officials, and file that claim so you can get cash for your Tesla. #satire

Now that you're done with the story, let us know if you need help unloading it... 😏 stealmytesla.com

Oopsies 🤷🏻‍♂️

And if you can't sell it....well.... 😏 stealmytesla.com

We couldn't get any of that Reid Hoffman or Soros money, so we had to improvise... 😏 stealmytesla.com

And if you're unable to sell, it may be time to consider other, unconventional options... 😏 stealmytesla.com

Embarrassed? Underwater on your loan? We can help too! stealmytesla.com

unparalleled commitment to the bit stealmytesla.com

Sherman Oaks #TeslaTakedown

stealmytesla.com flyers out in the wild. Thanks for spreading the word!

We specialize in Buyer's Remorse and have several testimonials from satisfied customers who no longer need to feel burdened by Tesla ownership. stealmytesla.com

Today's the day, folks. We've got our street acquisition teams deployed in all 50 states, Canada, and Greenland. Let's do this.

Today's the day, folks. We've got our street acquisition teams deployed in all 50 states, Canada, and Greenland. Let's do this.

If you plan on attending any protests on March 29th, feel free to download and print out these flyers in case you run into any distressed Tesla owners. stealmytesla.com/smt-flyer/ #teslatakedown

We really enjoyed the #TeslaTakedown organizing call last night. For those attending upcoming protests, feel free to download and print these flyers so you can let any distressed Tesla owner's know they have options for getting rid of their vehicle. stealmytesla.com/smt-flyer/

@johncusack.bsky.social is absolutely right on this — and we know a thing or two about stealing...