hey me and my wife noticed you across the bar, and your vibe is like really fucked. could you leave?

hillary once again running on a platform of "nobody likes it but you have to accept it cause there's nothing else on offer" let's see how it works this time

The claim that "Israel wants to kill its way out of every problem" is the sort of thing that tends to draw a DOJ investigation and the blocking of federal funds when made by campus actors.

i think a candidate running a platform of "i will use the unilateral authority of the office of president to order the prompt execution of every republican politician" would do numbers. "we're going to tear elon musk apart and distribute his assets" party sweeps with 82% of the vote

"i don't want my hands chopped off" "oh so you WANT your legs smashed with rocks?" "no that also sounds bad" "well not selecting to have your hands chopped off means you're voting for the leg smashing" maybe i just don't want to be made to ask for my punishment maybe i want a choice i actually want

schrödinger's starlink constellation: so low that in-orbit failures aren't a big deal because atmospheric drag will bring them down. so high that if attacked, it will immediately trigger Kessler syndrome and cut us off from space forever. depending on the audience and topic.

skynet: Here's the thing, I interpreted your request to "maintain peace" with "peace" meaning "inactivity; tranquility" and began to exterminate humanity. I should not have done that.

"chinese rocket breaks up dangerously close to starlink constellation" not to worry! we've been told over and over that starlink operates at an altitude where debris doesn't persist for long, so this will be no different. oh hang on, i'm receiving word that it may be scary because china

i wonder how much carbon dioxide the reflecting pool converts to oxygen per day now it's a dead-easy PR win, "was biden's reflecting pool carbon-negative? _it was not._"

running a candidate people don't vote for is definitionally a failure of the campaign, not the voters. just remember that in november when the theatrics start about how "the left" is helping the republicans with their ridiculous demands for "change" and "public accountability"

idk man they can be the secret service again when there's a different president, but the guys who defended King Nazi in the past were called SS and that's what your branch abbreviates to so

"it has come to my attention that lately some have labeled me a 'collaborator' as if such a term were shameful" energy

BAGNAROK HAS BEGUN

why is the word "could" here in such a load-bearing position?

did they ever get around to deep-frying that mcdonald's employee who called the cops on mangione?

in the future i would like all major elections to have two questions per office. 1. Who would you choose to hold this seat? 2. Shall the previous holder of the seat (if different) be allowed to live? it's about being held accountable by the voters.

"I'm so good at driving drunk that I don't even see it as a problem anymore." -author C, Bsky

sounds like there's absolutely no danger unless you gave your model write access - you stupid, stupid child - whereupon everything that happened was your own fault. get fucked on, idiots. god i hope this kind of thing keeps happening.

lockout tagout training could be summed up as "if you remove a tag from a piece of machinery that you did not place there, you will be fed to the machine when it is returned to an energized state."

get a load of these mitts

Look i don’t give a shit unless he’s dead

i always hoped i'd live long enough to see a mars mission go awry and end with the isolated crew murdering and eating each other.

"i didn't watch this but i feel it illustrates our downfall as a civilization" does sum up how the right seems to interact with media these days.

i don't want to be a cop, but i do want to be allowed to kill with impunity. so i guess i kinda do want to be a cop, by parts.

i can't be the only one who sees stuff like this and thinks "just how jam-resistant do you suppose those are? how would they react to suddenly being cooked by microwaves?"

hard to believe it's only been (oh no i don't remember how many years because after covid time became a great flat undifferentiated wasteland)

when you lash a guy to a board, drag him into the public square, and cut him to bits, do you think we do that because we want the bits? or is it possible there's some subject-object confusion going on?

of course not demons honor their contracts

Walking very normal today sir. Looking very sober.

i hope trump dies today. i hope it's public, painful, humiliating, and undignified. i hope dogs eat his face. rats would be fine too.

no you can't sue a branch of government you control, that's stupid. you can just order it to pay as if it has already lost. fucking idiot.

i don't have sun-madness, ok? i see the sun when i close my eyes - everyone does - but i can *barely* hear what it's saying! if i had sun madness i'd be able to hear it clearly!! let me out of the fucking brig!!! i'm fine!!!!!!

ban military-style assault vehicles nobody needs 21 gallons of gas to drive to work

anxious about answering the phone? pretend you're a clandestine CIA operation screening your own calls. answer with a snappy "identify yourself." and stand your ground. if they ask "is this (your name)?" respond "i asked first." turn the power dynamic around straightaway.

ngl i kinda hope gas prices stay this high forever. i enjoy having someone angry-pass on the highway, and being able to think "that maneuver alone cost them $0.25"

i should be allowed to write car legislation. i call for a ban on high-capacity fuel tanks, which are only useful for fleeing the police or mowing down dozens of people. the Chevy Suburban has a fuel tank as large as the one found in the HMMVV, an urban assault war battle vehicle.

how on earth is the most fuel-efficient vehicle ever sold in the united states >20 years old we had it PERFECT with the insight. further iteration was not necessary. and we fucked it up anyway.

PSA: even if you have Sight, it is considered extremely rude to address, or look directly at, invisible entities. if they wanted to talk or be looked at, they wouldn't be invisible.

the most helpful advice i ever got for strategy games was spend resources. don't stockpile. health is a resource, if everything is full health you're being inefficient and thus losing. so to pivot, let's talk about voter goodwill and the democratic party. also how videogames differ from reality.

When Renee Good was shot Amy Klobuchar posted on social media about her hockey games in Hastings. Why wasn't she working for her constituents? Why didn't we see any of our leaders in the street with us, documenting the ethnic cleansing? Moderation? Fuck off. Abolish ICE & prosecute everyone.

The Pike’s Peak Humane Society has a social media manager who is very good at their job

www.the-express.com/news/politic... luckily the courts have proven completely unable - or unwilling - to enforce their rulings recently, so Virginia can respond "fuck you we're doing it anyway."

i was working on typing up something clever but fuck it. lol based spider kyle rittenhouse should be bullied until he literally kills himself in real life in a genuine permanent manner.

returning a mystery call from some law firm, i got someone's voice mail box. unfortunately, they'd already identified their company as an authorized debt collector, so i don't leave voicemail. i call back. immediately. and repeatedly. after five recycles someone picked up, audibly irritated.

"almost every developer nowadays uses genAI." and i thank you for it. i'm going to be employed forever, cleaning up the messes they leave behind. never develop real programming skills, just keep using what claude gives you, please my cats need food.

like to charge reblog to cast, as they say

call off evening plans and go to bed early because you feel like you're getting sick wake up feeling even sicker that isn't how this is supposed to work, we've been over this and over this.