If you want to die instantly from cringing, Rob Schneider did a 5 minute set at CPAC and bombed horribly with THAT crowd.

No I do not think it is a secret.

Everything else aside for a moment, that letterhead is fucking deranged and is all the proof needed that she's just in it for the grift.

This makes me think of Erik Prince and Betsy DeVos. Their father owned a car accessory company and their most valuable asset was a patent. The patent covered the mechanism by which a light turns on when the cover for vanity mirror is lifted. That got us Blackwater and political cronyism.

Heartbreaking: Punch the monkey and Moo Deng the hippo have started a podcast about crypto

The libs are going to be so owned when I get a haircut dumber than Mark Zuckerberg's

"Bluesky doesn't have the juice" Okay then, explain this:

Throwing up, screaming, crying, shitting, pissing, farting, and vomiting at the idea that reasonable people are discussing the Dubya administration as competent at warfare.

Goatse? Is it Goatse? I think it's Goatse.

Schwarber with a 2 point HR in the first inning on Opening Day Hell yeah

You will never, in a million years, be able to guess what prompted this.

TFW comedy is legal again

Sports Ranked By Vibes: 5 - Football: jingoist marching music and domestic violence 4 - Basketball: Step It Up cheerleading and squeaking shoes 3 - Hockey: fighting and googling "icing" for the 1000th time 2 - Soccer: they legit kill bad refs 1 - Baseball: Vaudeville, organ music, and hot dogs

If the Ellisons buy WB, what's the likelihood they fire James Gunn and replace him with Jerry Seinfeld writing the adventures of a 50 year old Superman dating a 16 year old Lois Lane?

Let's just say, hypothetically, that Trump was a foreign agent whose entire purpose was to destroy American imperialism, weaken America's global power, destroy the economy, devalue the US dollar, and prop up China as the sole superpower. In that scenario, what would he be doing differently?

honestly I just need everyone to shut the fuck up and go to therapy expeditiously

The dumbest people will watch this and then tell you wrestling is fake.

Hegseth: "We are the greatest, strongest military EVER. We are WARFIGHTERS." Donald Trump, Chairman of the Board of Peace: "America needs more soldiers for the war Israel started, so bring your back pain pills, knee braces, and AARP cards"

The whole "food should taste like itself" thing was borne out of racist western imperialism and a denigration of African and Asian cultures using heavy spices and sauces. Hearing that, you would assume putting ketchup on a steak is antiracist and anti-imperialist. This is a metaphor for something.

Looking for investors for my new IP Ellison, an app that provides tips on how to do ~French things~ to wealthy criminals.

For the pride and honor of this sacred Homeowners Association, I must do battle with Jack Reacher.

Fun things you can expect from the Total Immunity Goon Squad operating in airports: - women being raped - children being raped - your belongings being stolen - you being murdered or sex trafficked if you speak up Do not fly. Do not come here. The United States is a horror show. You WILL suffer.

They definitely changed the recipe for Cheez-Its. This is like the third box where they taste like absolutely nothing.

JK Rowling is off her meds again

Less than 24 hours after going viral Saxon Musk has been pronounced dead from what his personal physician describes as "solar enfeeblement" and "macabre blood"

Elon brutally owning his kids needs to become a recurring bit.

Don't forget the two gentletwinks with hands as soft and supple as a pussy.

Her: "You should be more talkative during sex" Me:

Look what twitter has done to people's brains. "Anti-war Palestinian women who oppose every single Republican policy? Buddy, they're identical to Dick Cheney."

If I turned into a worm would you still follow the golden path? 🥺 👉👈

Kinda weird that with all the jingles they could have gone with, ESPN went with 🎶 Weiner Wart 🎶 🎶 Weiner Wart 🎶

Fetterman is doing tremendous damage to the reputation of the Big Oaf community. Big Oafs did not ask for this kind of toxic representation. Now we must lumber back into the shadows, hiding under bridges wearing our most somber JNCO jean shorts, drowning in both our sorrows & voluminous denim

Also if a team has a guy with an old time baseball name like Scooter or Peewee or Oil Can or Mississippi Steve they start the game with a player on first

Always fun to see the next generation of Americans learn that Ben Franklin makes Hugh Hefner look like a particularly chaste and devout Trappist monk. There wasn't a single minute of his adult life that his dick didn't reek to high heaven of French prostitute pussy. Also General Lafayette was 🄶🄰🅈.

White liberals, I am literally begging you to learn to take a W "Afroman bad because he was in a photo with Trump" Shut up Shut all the way up A black family targeted and harassed by cops won in court I don't care that he's not perfect, a goddamn systemic evil lost on its own turf TAKE THE W

The millions of dollars spent on DHS terrorizing this one specific TODDLER needs to be an albatross around the neck of every diseased animal that voted to fund DHS / ICE.

Maybe it's just me, but it's kinda making my hair stand on end watching white libs getting mad at Afroman for not being a perfect saint, as they're spending the rest of their free time defending Platner and his nazi tattoos and nazi comments on nazi podcasts and wanting him to be a nazi in congress

Oh wow, the trailers for both of this year's "Skinny Guy Dating Zendaya" movies dropped yesterday.

The Kennedy center board of trustees look like theyre about to give Dick Tracy a real hard time…

Afroman WINS Police ordered to eat 48,000,000 dicks

Tomatoes, garlic, onion, salt, sugar. There's no wonder ketchup is the most famous Italian culinary contribution.

Gotta share the hall-of-famer for crazy stories

Just to be clear in the Afroman case: The government broke into his home, robbed him, destroyed his property, threatened to murder his family, and all of it is on video. Now the government is suing him for telling the clear-cut, objective, factual truth. Seems like that shouldn't be a thing.

There's one shot in No Other Choice that is fully a magic trick. If it's not CGI, I simultaneously don't want the magic trick explained, but I MUST figure it out. It has been so long since this has happened. Also, just all around a perfect dark comedy.

South Korea has done to film what they did to American food. They're so much better at it than the US. Shameful that No Other Choice didn't get Oscar nominations or wins. As an obsessive nerd about sound and cinematography, that alone puts it in the top 5 of the year. It was also just THE BEST.

Love to see cool guys speaking Spanish and thanking Woke Jesus on Fox.