If you see a woman dressed like this, looking for any CEO of any kind, no you didn't, mind your business.

Gambling on your phone is the same thing as ordering McDonald's on Doordash: Get up and go to the place, you giant fucking loser

Dundun Dun Duh-Dunnn Dundun Dun Duh-Dunnn 🔥🔥🔥🔥🤖🔥🔥🔥🔥 Dundun Dun Duh-Dunnn Dundun Dun Duh-Dunnn www.youtube.com/live/TkaC0Fp...

Mint on Card is tonight, and if you're in Southern California and you don't go, I can only assume it's because you have bad taste and terrible breath.

Hey, it's @maggiemaefish.bsky.social Day on JHCF! She's such an incredible talent, with incredible projects all over her timeline, including her upcoming short BLOW!, which you should learn more about! Patreon.com/jeffmay now, uncensored with bone-con! Free everywhere next week!

Quote this with the Star Wars character you most relate to. I'll go first. #MayThe4thBeWithYou

posting for academic purposes

Them: "Hi welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant], will you be using your app today." Me (smiling, cheerful): "Hi! I'd rather fuckin die! Anyways, *gives order*"

New month, new batch of minute rips over on the Jeff Has Cool Cards channel! Come watch and hang and also subscribe because I'm nice and you want to do me a solid! youtube.com/shorts/vGDgN...

Rejoice! It's a two-hour HYPECAST with the beautiful @heytherejeffro.bsky.social. Listen to pals talk for a very long time about movies! SoundCloud: shorturl.at/qKWBs Apple: shorturl.at/XKn6t YouTube: shorturl.at/rUXLb

Hey, @startthemachine.bsky.social and I started covering Gotham (😕) and we made our first episode free, AND we got @thelogantrent.bsky.social to join us! Just type "Tom and Jeff Watch Batman" into like, any search bar and enjoy the insanity.

Trump: "My 'Not involved in human trafficking' interview has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my interview."

I hope the next President isn't addicted to staging fake assassination attempt, this shit is getting exhausting.

About to become a fucking PROBLEM at karaoke

. @thelogantrent.bsky.social, @heytherejeffro.bsky.social, and @startthemachine.bsky.social combining to review Gotham is basically: Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen joining in 2008 to make the greatest (now second greatest) Boston Celtics teams ever. www.patreon.com/posts/tom-an...

Overjoyed at the prospect of getting to listen to the journey @startthemachine.bsky.social and @heytherejeffro.bsky.social will be taking as they watch Gotham over at @gamefullyun.bsky.social a show i watched every season of as they aired and maintain was a blast

When I plug something in and I see little sparks in the outlet

Almost midnight on a Saturday? Time to watch another YouTube video about the Mariana Trench and get freaked the fuck out.

Am I about to sponsor the music kids from the Middle School I worked at with my pretty NSFW podcast???

Me: *gets a single drop of water on my phone* My phone: "DID YOU SAY FACETIME YOUR EX? NO PROBLEM YOU GOT IT BOSS!"

I'm opening fucking GARFIELD cards today at 4pm Pacific. You should watch it and hang out! www.youtube.com/live/2ptSglu...

Gonna do The Sunscreen Song at karaoke

My girlfriend just mixed up Evel Knievel and Obi Wan Kenobi, and I've never enjoyed NOT correcting someone more.

Opening these overpriced Batman TAS cards this afternoon on I Must Break You! 4pm Pacific, you should watch and hang out because if you don't I'll be sad! www.youtube.com/live/JXbKeK5...

This might be the most stacked Mailbag I'll ever stream. Today (Monday, as this is a makeup stream) at 4pm Pacific! Come hang and be cool! www.youtube.com/live/p-YNJ3Z...

After a request from one @heytherejeffro.bsky.social , I designed this shirt. It's for true early 2000s DVD sickos/piracy enthusiasts (pira-maniacs?). Anyway it + my entire shop is on sale for few days so you can get it now without having to steal a car or whatever www.teepublic.com/user/artness...

Pete Crow-Armstrong Pete TheCrow-Armstrong

Three GUARANTEED Star Trek autographs on today's I Must Break You! Come watch at 4pm Pacific! It'll be fun! www.youtube.com/live/dFscSaX...

Did we ever get a scene in The Bear where that main guy goes to the gym and blasts the shit out of his biceps? No way you get pipes like that by just cutting raddichio and swearing. He's always just running around and smoking.

Folks, the incredible @atifmyers.bsky.social episode of Jeff Has Cool Friends is up on my Patreon, and it's one of the geekiest dorkfests in the shows history. It rules. Go listen to it! www.patreon.com/posts/153802...

Captain Jean-Luc Picardio

Next time I'm sparring at my boxing gym, I'm gonna give the guy a DDT to keep things fresh

A guy on stilts just tried to roast me at an event I'm attending, so there's a 50/50 chance I'm going to be in a hilarious assault trial sometime in the near future.

Politician gives tips on how to save money

Latest NERD! Free everywhere, including here! Just type "Jeff Has Cool Friends" into any search bar. Or just click this link! www.patreon.com/posts/153403... @nerdnumbers.com

Cool shit today on the JHCC channel! 4pm Pacific! www.youtube.com/live/PF6VAAl...

I've actually gotta hand it to the cops in the Afroman trial, they're much stronger than me. Were I one of them, I would've shot myself in the face by now. youtu.be/HM8Ee6pcXvQ?...

A cool thing about the WBC is that, of course want the USA to win, but if we lose that's also cool because we're geopolitical poison

The guy at the big & tall store when he realizes I'm only 6'4"

Mint on Card is in a week! Friday the 13th! Again! Anyways this lineup is an absolute banger, and if you're in the Valley and don't come to this show, I'll hold a long-standing grudge against you for it!

Devastated to realize that this is still incredibly funny

David Robinson's agent frantically texting him to ask why he's all of a sudden the most googled athlete in Red States.

Whoops! I'm in a documentary!

I just went to a short film festival, and one of the movies was made almost exclusively with AI and I booed the shit out of it 🤷‍♂️

Darkstalkers (1995) is the worst thing we've ever covered on NERD! @nerdnumbers.com and I watched 5 1/2 hours of the most fumbled bag in animation history. Listen to this show, do NOT, under any circumstances, watch the cartoon. (Just type "Jeff Has Cool Friends" wherever you listen to pods!

It should be legal to beat the shit out of the guy who puts these "We Buy Junk Cars" cards on your window if your car is less then 10 years old.

Man, we gotta stop nuking kids' brains with screens. I know it's convenient to get them to shut the fuck up at Applebee's with an ipad, but kids NEED to be bored if they're gonna have any chance in developing their minds. We're ironing out all the wrinkles those brains should be developing.

"One thing we're NOT gonna do..." No. That's one thing YOU'RE not gonna do, most likely because you are a cowardly weakling. I'm strong and brave. I'm gonna do the shit out of it.

Oh, hey! Got maybe the biggest hit in JHCC Channel history on today's Minute Rip! You should watch this and also maybe subscribe and be cool. youtube.com/shorts/X42pT...

Doing a Topps Stadium Club Remade Day Break at 5pm Pacific tonight! Come hang out and love me! www.youtube.com/live/-aLhCE8...