My joke made sense to me, and that’s what counts

Weekly googling “does OU play football today” like the alumni/musician/sports indifferent sooner I am

I just want someone to love me like my pale swedish skin loves breaking out in hives after seeing one (1) sun

I’ve disliked him for no real reason forever, but guys, I’m in my Ben folds era

It’s 4:40, I can’t sleep, and much like an infant I’m thinking about making it everyone’s problem

Yes I will be reading your text in the most hurtful tone thank you

Does trump know maga doesn’t consider mormons christians

In my villain era (returning clothes I buy online when they don’t fit)

Me: I’ll be gone most of Sunday. 14yo: what are you doing? Me: I… have… a… date 14yo: oh hell yeah

my net worth is just a picture of me curled up in the fetal position

I’m about to watch new survivor and whoa baby does my inner child feel accepted and loved

I spent the day deep cleaning and then thought it would be a great idea to eat a super crunchy and powdered-cheesy snack n bed

I just want enough money to figure out which of my problems can’t be solved by money

It’s a whole lot. Take care of each other.

Thinking of starting running again but I have no social media to brag about it on so like what’s the point?

You can pry my end-of-text “lol” out of my cold dead hands

Look if you don’t agree that Steve Balsamo from the 1996 London cast recording is the best Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar, this date isn’t worth my time

Why orange creme better than white cream

Whoever named hand, foot, and mouth disease should just name everything

I got the dimples but they must have been all out of serotonin neurotransmitters

Pope Leo has just named me the patron saint of saying I’m going to get ready and then sitting around with a cat on my lap listening to songs from the 2000s television show “Scrubs”

“I’m just trying to explain leitmotif to (11yo)” -14yo It’s possible he was raised by a musician

The last four months of the years are: - the one with everybody’s birthday - 31 days of Halloween - a month of Thursdays - a Muppet Christmas Carol and other celebrations

“Why is this wet?” is my least favorite question to ask after first grade leaves my classroom

your secret is safe with me bc what were we talking about

In this house we don’t skip intro

since i’ve napped half the day, it’s making me think it’s about time for edibles & microwave popcorn

This is why we teach recorders to 4th graders and not 11th graders

If you think about it 30 years shows really great commitment though

😮 Welcome = “well, come” in If I’m wrong don’t tell me @merriam-webster.com

25 minutes straight of sirens

The adhd urge to to lose your prescription as soon as you pick it up

I have heard sirens for at least the last 5 minutes and I missed facebook because I need somebody with a police scanner tell me what is goin on

I spoke so much Spanish with my monolingual kiddos at school today and I owe it all to the teacher in high school who “taught Spanish” by showing viewing after viewing of Selena jk it’s duolingo

Apparently it’s DELTArune not DeltaRUNE and I am very obviously in my 40s

In this house we don’t open the door until the doordash driver leaves

I’m gonna pop some champs, only got three emails in my inbox (To the tune of Thrift Shop, of course)

Going to sleep in my clothes to trick myself into thinking I’m taking a really long nap

Depression for the win

Kindergarten music is great when you want to know when a 5yo’s brother’s birthday is

If you need baby girl names just listen to 1 (one) lumineers album

Can folks do me a favor? I was on Bluesky early & it was great. Mostly. I hit the eject button in January. I came back, many colleagues are here, but still don’t know I am. I co-created Halt and Catch Fire. I write TV & comics. Here’s two favorite set photos. Repost? I am in the wilderness.

Ooooh I love when the leaves start changing colors

when there's a little pepper growing inside a regular pepper i call it an ectopic pepperancy. everybody hates it when i do that.

My love language is “take a t-t-t-tip from me” from sublime’s what I got

I remembered my reusable bags at the grocery store and I would like to be nominated for the nobel peace prize

If you have your kid’s face in a tinder pic I will be swiping left immediately

ChatGPT write a sext

He’s a 4 but has a pic in Walt Disney World