another great day to listen to Snail Mail’s Lush on cd

flood watch? what is this halo 2

buying a new phone and insisting that the t-mobile employee removes the spyware this time

doordash should be funded on tax dollars and run by the federal government

Ever since they put a pig heart in me people have been very cavalier in attributing my behaviour to the heart. I am enjoying bigger breakfast after a light dinner last night, not "giving into the pig".

asking this hairdresser what they do with all the hair do they burn it? burn all the hair? what an monstrous stench it must make

most people don’t breath in as many mold spores as i do. that’s because they’re hobbyists and it was never more than a trend for them. #realmoldbreather

bong staring at me like the green goblin mask

washing every utensil i own on a weekly basis

“We should learn to speak in a language that rich people who don’t dream can’t comprehend.”

nobody every talks about nonessential oils

guys if you have beginners mind you can always enjoy of beginners luck little loop hole

this was a lie it’s making my life worse

anybody got an automatic transmission control module for a 2008 subaru impreza that they just can’t wait to give to me

sorry boss i can’t come in to work today i twisted my ankle while i was dismounting my horse. yes im using stirrups. yeah the horse is fine, thanks for your concern.

i had a dream where “want head? try schweb.” was a vital phrase. schweb was some kind of hair product in a tin. everyone was stealing this man’s items for sexual favors. weird dream

specialty yogurt shop where you bring your own cultures

making my frankenstein with big veins so i can inject various tinctures more easily

fuck!

what a year

oh hey I slept in a little, now for my morning tradition: a big sip of coffee before I check the news

apocalypse dream again

I will never watch one of those movies where the poster is like three people in a white void, and the title is in big chunky red font, and the title is some shit like "PENIS' BLUES!" It is always made in between 1995 and 2013 for some reason. And it's never good ever at all.

someone please help my dog is farting so much and poisoning the air in my apartment

novelty coffee mug that can be broken over a persons head without causing injury

would you trust me to go inside your mouth? to help you?

every time a coworker quits at my job they have said “i can’t believe i’m leaving before you are” which i’m taking as a sign to buckle down and go for the promotion this year

sleeping in 4 hour shifts like a normal person

turns out you have less nightmares when you don’t enter REM #lifehack

what’s the best gluten free pasta or should i just forget that beautiful pasta exists

I have more followers than Kamala’s 67 Headquarters account. Don’t vote. Kill your parents. Eat a puppy.

what the hell is gaia online

drew this guy earlier

posting my way out of bed

i love paying bills with money that i earn from my job

i have the type of vehicle that doesn’t start because the car computer can’t tell it’s in park. so you have to deceive it with special tricks

guys i think this mechanic is making sweet sultry love to my subie he won’t stop talking about “tailpipe” and something about being exhausted

meowww

i’m like a cross between a majestic wolf and a tiny mouse … does anyone understand me….. squeak

that sounds totally pawsome dude thanks for sharing *wiggles my ears*

psychoanalyst seems really bored by my dreams lately

if you are cc’d on an email to someone in the C-suite and you’ve never been promoted from entry level you should be allowed to fire one person between you in the chain

spending a good long while reading blog posts from that workaholic AI poster who was getting rightfully dunked on yesterday. just trying to understand what’s going on with him. how did he get to this point? i still don’t get it

if this post gets 1 like i have been diagnosed with celiac disease

they used to make me stand with my arms out and decorate me like a tree

i feel like someone has been hitting the back of my eyes with tiny hammers

keyboards should have just one letter key and you hold it down longer and longer amounts of time if you need to type letters that occur later in the alphabet