ugh homer simpson such a taurus

they do not want to reveal that they have the financial means to buy the bowl

i love when my manager suggests that we skip our one-on-one meetings, thank you god

guys the results are in. i’m your mayor now. congratulations

people at my workplace can’t stop talking about feeding data to AI. like it’s an annoying little chudler who keeps demanding more applesauce

becoming sleep deprived as a test of my willpower

firing hard little bullets out of my butt until the monarchs descend from the porcelain throne

if anyone asks tell them i am not a saboteur even though it is a really cool word

i would never sabotage

picking at my scalp until i create an open head wound for my halloween costume (guy who hides zombie bite from the team) #realneverstops

i could be happy living by the sea. just based on my previous experiences with large bodies of water. just saying

thinking of new rumors to spread at work about imaginary workplace rat that i talked about last week

is sleep deprivation a war crime

my pillow was just convicted of war crimes. sleep deprivation

using curl to transfer data from the web. the way god intended probably

smoking dog hair

yeah i’m pretty good at email. sometimes i can even figure out what they mean before i send a reply

better not to fire off any guns at the bastard cheney’s funeral service. just in case he rises from the casket to blast someone again.

dick cheney? more like dick cheugy

i’m going to scream. i’m going to scream so loud that i can hear the angels of heaven

every good project has 3 or 4 levels of management telling you conflicting information

i just had a great idea. let’s make a database view that’s a really stupid and convoluted mess. yes it should support a powerBI dashboard with bizarre undocumented requirements.

Fortnite servers are probably down due to Bart

buzz buzz as the bugs are saying

i can’t today i have to work on my opus

i say the phrase “i can’t today i have to work on my opus” at least 10 times a day, thank you for this gift @puddleofbrain.bsky.social

i’m hoping that i can drink enough champagne tonight that i can just go to bed and wake up refreshed tomorrow

Taking a killer joke completely stony faced, and as I wait for the laughter to die down I reach out and squeeze the man’s shoulder. “That was really funny,” I say, as he looks at me along the length of my arm. “I didn’t laugh because i’m trying to keep my nasolabial folds from deepening further.”

halloween is a lot of prsssure if you are a procrastinator like me. and yet it’s also a time to brag about how yeah i did this in a span of 24 hours with three 12 oz redbulls and a steady supply of 5 mg weed pills

halloween costume ideas so far: - Snake (metal gear solid 1) - snake (serpent) - the concept of fear - The Fear (metal gear solid 3) - Dracula (count) - censored Nosferatu - can of duster - bee / human hybrid - a painting of a ghost - Raiden (metal gear solid 2)

suing my therapist because they don’t have any funny halloween costume ideas and i feel a lot of pressure to perform at social functions and they should know that

telling my therapist that my avoidant tendencies are really having a serious effect on my enjoyment of halloween

quake 2. of course

losing only a concerning amount of hair in the shower #classiccoolstuff

what game or what studio popularized the right analog controlling the point of view in 3d games. please i need to send them a thank you email

i get that console developers were excited about having two analog sticks but sometimes it seems like they did not know what to do with them.

mister mosquito can bite my ass

playing a game for the playstation2 called mister mosquito and getting so angry that i list my playstation for sale on ebay

hey siri remind me to boil that guy alive every

feels like an immense weight is being pressed into my head every time i close my eyes. a spot like the size of a fingertip right between my eyebrows. feels good!

my manager gave me a 3.86 out of 5. time to celebrate my continued employment with a huge sploinky

when i wear camo i’m like beloved character Snake of Metal Gear Solid fame. and nobody is forming hateful thoughts about me due to my jacket

i’m out of ideas for posts. time to read some books

hey everyone don’t forget about the new kid on the block. he’s probably lonely since he hasn’t made friends yet. invite him to sit at your table during lunch. try to ignore his troubling history of school building related arson. it’s good to look past the lighter tricks and faint smell of gasoline

my dog snores but not as bad as chudler #whoischudler

my dog snores like an old man with a sinus infection it’s ridiculous

I wish my mother drank coffee so i could’ve ingested it thru her breast milk as an infant.

getting some acne recreationally to stay in touch with my youthful spirit

i would never get addicted to blackjack

making an omelette. for the love of the game.