Guys i think my girlfriend loves me??

googling how to fall asleep in the most uncomfortable position possible that makes me wake up feeling like an afront to God ✨️ Wow, it seems like you're really determined to complete this goal so I've put some steps together to help you achieve it. 1. Well first you take your leg and you sti

FUCK THE UNITED STATES AND FUCK ISRAEL

some kind of suckable, fuckable

the dog in me is being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees

charlie kirk got slimed less than 6 months ago still

Little photobashing experiment with some fruit :> #art

humanity is beautiful because what do you mean chicken tikka masala was first made in glasgow, scotland

no video game should cost more than $20 i think

im not a product of modern society, i am a symptom

does anyone wanna play a game? you gotta protect this dumb dog from these stupid fucking bees. are you sure you don't wanna play dude? even if i bombard you with 12,000,000 ads per second? whatever pussy the game isnt even anything like these ads

im at a really low point in life, i think im gonna install a gambling app and feel even worse

youtube is down rn

there's a new love death and robots btw

THE PRESIDENT IS A PEDOPHILE, HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 1. Keep going to WORK 2. Keep SCROLLING on yo PHONE 3. Keep RIPPIN the YART 4. Keep ordering DOORDASH IT IS YOUR DUE DILIGENCE

im starting a new hustle grift called "work like erika kirk". dont talk to me about your bag until you've defiled your already worthless husband's grave for it.

Will you be my valentine?

another day, another tgirl asking a discord server of 20 gay people if they want to start a commune

"i put that on my mom" put it on your air fryer

im gonna call the Smiling Friends and tell them i wont be able to smile until Benjamin Netanyahu is dead

why are you, as a woman, shutting the fuck up??

Cervix dog

imagine getting tbagged by master chief and his tampon falls out

michael scott pilgrim

alright buddy say that shit again when im ovulating and see what happens

im not a sheep, like you, i am a free thinker. i KNOW the groundhog is not a clairvoyant, and winter will pass at the same time it does every year. when the earth, ever so mothlike, drifts closer to the sun once again until it gets scared.

people don't say "i forgot to brush my teeth" anymore, they say shit like "in my bullshit on my teeth era"

why do they make pretty girls get up and go to work? 😭

fuck it we doll

she did this to me

girlfriend is taking me on a surprise date

30 minute lunch breaks are not enough for a girl to be on her phone

men just dont have penises anymore. because of woke.

i love the word arugula it sounds like the noise you make when you're trying not to vomit

you need to help me she has been running around our apartment with her eyes closed and shrieking in short bursts she's hit her head 4 times i think she has a concussion

Officially hit 2 years on estrogen! Crazy that I’m just built like this now

"hey girl i mean they" except it's a trans woman

hashtag my hole

putting up WANTED posters around town but they're all AI generated images of speed boats

people in the marvel universe after giving birth to mike wazowski finding out that their child is a mutant only 15 years later

swagged up wizards playing basketball

showing a turtle this cool picture of the Thing i made. he loves it. :)

At the grocery store shopping for produce, I lock eyes with the nearest woman. "Built like this," I say, holding the most fucked up and deformed carrot you've Ever seen. She looks like her dog just died.

this dude is absolutely a white supremacist, right?

good news to every disgusting transsexual pervert out there: i forgot deodorant today

Ladies and gentlemen, the engine has failed.

when you're at the lowest point of your life, your car will always be there to make it 100x WORSE

one must imagine sisyphus working in retail