Patient zeros when they see an airport

little miss kill myself

what if scissoring was called boxing

Buttery Clawjob under the table at red Lobster

a good night's sleep was promised to me 3,000 years ago and brother, i am being denied entry to the promised land

imagine how awesome it would be if he died on your birthday

im the baddest bitch in this club (grocery store)

imagine beefin with me and im a cutie patootie

never in my life have i clicked "sign out" of my microsoft account. and yet

🎶 interior crocodile alligator 🎶 🎶 my pussy raytheon missile theater 🎶

walking down 4 flights of stairs with an overflowing garbage bag filled with rotten onions and wet jeans, potential energy the likes of which not seen since Nagasaki

they're having a block party at the shooter's house rn

A smug cat for @fettuccinejones.bsky.social #SugarBlightArt #Furryart

My fellow Americans, today I will be raising the Federal Minimum Wage to one BILLION dollars an hour. To accomplish this we will be printing the one billion dollar bill, with my face on it. A big beautiful billionaire bill. And the Left will still be unhappy with this.

wormly grasp it

crazy? i was crazy once. they put me in a sock

somebody has to soyjack kristi noem's faggot husband immediately

Guys i think my girlfriend loves me??

googling how to fall asleep in the most uncomfortable position possible that makes me wake up feeling like an afront to God ✨️ Wow, it seems like you're really determined to complete this goal so I've put some steps together to help you achieve it. 1. Well first you take your leg and you sti

FUCK THE UNITED STATES AND FUCK ISRAEL

some kind of suckable, fuckable

the dog in me is being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees she's being chased by bees

charlie kirk got slimed less than 6 months ago still

Little photobashing experiment with some fruit :> #art

humanity is beautiful because what do you mean chicken tikka masala was first made in glasgow, scotland

no video game should cost more than $20 i think

im not a product of modern society, i am a symptom

does anyone wanna play a game? you gotta protect this dumb dog from these stupid fucking bees. are you sure you don't wanna play dude? even if i bombard you with 12,000,000 ads per second? whatever pussy the game isnt even anything like these ads

im at a really low point in life, i think im gonna install a gambling app and feel even worse

youtube is down rn

there's a new love death and robots btw

THE PRESIDENT IS A PEDOPHILE, HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 1. Keep going to WORK 2. Keep SCROLLING on yo PHONE 3. Keep RIPPIN the YART 4. Keep ordering DOORDASH IT IS YOUR DUE DILIGENCE

im starting a new hustle grift called "work like erika kirk". dont talk to me about your bag until you've defiled your already worthless husband's grave for it.

Will you be my valentine?

another day, another tgirl asking a discord server of 20 gay people if they want to start a commune

"i put that on my mom" put it on your air fryer

im gonna call the Smiling Friends and tell them i wont be able to smile until Benjamin Netanyahu is dead

why are you, as a woman, shutting the fuck up??

Cervix dog

imagine getting tbagged by master chief and his tampon falls out

michael scott pilgrim

alright buddy say that shit again when im ovulating and see what happens

im not a sheep, like you, i am a free thinker. i KNOW the groundhog is not a clairvoyant, and winter will pass at the same time it does every year. when the earth, ever so mothlike, drifts closer to the sun once again until it gets scared.

people don't say "i forgot to brush my teeth" anymore, they say shit like "in my bullshit on my teeth era"

why do they make pretty girls get up and go to work? 😭

fuck it we doll