Do you ever wonder if someday, maybe in the 5th Age when elves have settled into Myth in the mind of man, some great human explorer sets out across the ocean, finds the undying lands and absolutely LOSES HIS shit?

Please also enjoy this vampire woman who is about to beat ass after drawing first blood.

Blaziken deez nuuuuutz

The best laid schemes of mice and sadists...

Sure, threesomes are fantastic, but noone warns you about sometimes having two beautiful women snoring like fucking bandsaws in your bed all night

It's cum, by the way. The pineapples taste like cum.

Do I actually find overly explaining jokes and putting disclaimers on them funny, or am I just masking my innate desire for literalism?

(reaching across the table and picking your nose and eating it) got one for you queen

there should be an hour of everyday where its encouraged to scream for artist reasons

since it's pride month you can give money to a trans woman by buying my music! any support is much appreciated 💞

Please gods grant me the strength to resist getting high and sending parodies of William Carlos Williams "This is Just to Say" to my metamours.

Your friends think fondly of you when you aren't around. You can't stop it.

Did I know that the NZ union movement started with miners in Blackball? Yes. Did I know that it was initiated by a man not being allowed to finish his pie? No. But pies do loom large in the national psyche so... this feels right.

Hand decorated socks handed to Dad who just got pegged

For sale: Nut audio. Never listened. 😢

Showing up to a vehicular manslaughter trial in my Bob Ross "No mistakes, just happy accidents" shirt

you cant spell PRIDE MONTH without RIDE ON

You're at the kink market. Do you: A. Look at all the cool products and support small local businesses B. Catch up with all the super cool people you have met recently. C. Get distracted trying to remember the etymology of "Ankylosaurus" D. All of the above

i'll throw whoever i want out with the bathwater

Drummers are fucking sickos

bean dad peen dad have you any wool

Hellö femds, I am fromd sööthland nü jiland, and I live cheeséd roll

I'm going to be unstoppable once people and things stop stopping me.

Swallowing a POG2 and now I dry-retch in harmony.

Putting the umsl in Cumslut

This is what Big Little Hat wants you to believe.

This was a lie, I care deeply about Willie Nelson

Can I borrow $1100? Not for anything. I just feel like having $1100. Cheers.

Health and Safety Induction! At The Sybian Party

The health and safety induction at the sybian party honestly puts 99% of businesses to shame

whose dick do i gotta suck to get some piss in my ass around here

explaining a hamburger to a hamburger: look down into the stream, my child. what do you see

I would actually like trans women to ruin my mind with music: please give me your recommendations

Getting publicly pounded in the rear-end was NOT as fun as I was expecting... We're ok, but the car is very dented 😥

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when you try to fuck while on call you will ALWAYS get called at the frustrating point, or whatever it was that Jane Austin said

Please cite the deep magics to me, witch, I was there when it was written and I have completely forgotten them.

Heard u like burd so here's a #WIP of a tūī.

you'd make a hot corpse. a horpse if you will

Doing new hobbies withnsomeone other than your partner? Call that Ethical Non-Monotony.

Someone just sent me a gif of a person stuffing their pussy with 9 frozen hot dogs, while three more rest on their chest. I don't have anything funny to say about it, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Behold, the form of your Doom

It is my solemn promise to you that none of my art has been created with intelligence, artificial or otherwise.

boston is an acronym for big old spit town oh no

Remember kids, cops fucking *love* Naruto.

take a kiss leave a kiss

Screaming and tooting from my work vehicle with thr logo on the side at the guy in front of me with a "I ♥️ my hot wife" bumper sticker

so earth cancelled their show in bologna because dylan carlson refused to play since the venue had a palestinian flag what a fucking pissbaby fuck earth! fuck dylan carlson! free palestine!

Can I borrow $1100? Not for anything. I just feel like having $1100. Cheers.

Hello, I made this vain and handsome lad for #MerMay

It finally happened, my bag was searched at Airport security with a frankly absurd amount of sex-toys for a 2 day trip.