Whenever I'm travelling long haul, I think of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quote that explains the displaced sensation I feel: "Every being in the Universe is tied to his birthplace by tiny invisible force tendrils composed of little quantum packets of guilt. 1/2

“Fly me to the Moon, let me play among the stars” - - Frank Sinatra “I need to borrow your rocket, I ain’t telling you why” - Evasive Sinatra

My bath was still streaky despite using every possible cleaning product when I spring cleaned yesterday. Tried using white vinegar this morning and.. it's still streaky but now it smells like a chip shop

Got the non-specific 4 am scaries, so now my mind's racing to think of all the things that COULD be worrying me. Love that for me.

Pretending I'm in a Western and "shooting from the hip" when my spray cleaner gets low and only fires from one awkward angle

Best Star Trek crew, wrong answers only...

Spring cleaning my bathroom. Giddy and asthmatic from the chemicals and getting industrial white finger from the SonicScrubber. Good times.

The Easter Fox has been, leaving "chocolate eggs" on my lawn

I've done nothing but eat carbs, nap and label stuff. Bank holiday achieved.

It's shouty out there this morning. The parakeets are in town and the locals aren't happy at all

I have consumed too much beer and no dinner. It is too late to rectify either of these.

Time was the family would stock up with mugs and egg cups for the year ahead at Easter

And for the lady, perhaps a sausage and egg hot cross bun?

Right, that's quite enough of today. Back to bed.

It seems unfair that arm covers get "sleeves" as their own special word but leg covers just get "legs"

And in honor of this weekend:

This one still fuckin kills me

Made a recipe* that involved squeezing sausage meat out of the sausage skins and, despite the strong innuendo potential, I can guarantee not even Nigella could have made it sexy 🤢 * Sausage stroganoff. Worth it.

Wasn't expecting a prime-time autophagy documentary

A 3,200 year-old painted scene of a lion and a gazelle playing a board game, probably senet. From an ancient Egyptian illustrated papyrus showing animals taking on human roles in comic situations where they act against their natural instincts. 📷 British Museum #Archaeology

Dramatic scenes at BBC Breakfast.

Today's anxiety productivity tip: Write a comprehensive to-do list. Scan that list and identify the item that makes you feel the most stressed. Do anything other than that item, even if it's not on the list. Bingo, everlasting anxiety!

Artemis is launching today because it's a full moon and therefore a bigger target

Got two minutes? Do yourself a favour and have a listen to @cultfigures.bsky.social's latest single. While you're at it, order their new album and grab a ticket to see them live! You (probably) won't regret it.

Serving Agatha Christie villains since 1922

There are still TV shows where it takes a team of special operatives five episodes to determine unlikely footage is a deepfake

The fanciest radiator I ever did see

"It's calm, it's quiet, it's got the water, it's got plenty of food for her." Capybaras love pubs. I do not make the rules

Thought I was wearing a pull-on bra but it was one with a fastener. Tried to take it off over my head and ended up Shibari'ing myself with my own underwear.

Just cleared out my makeup drawer. Over the years, I've bought an unfeasible number of red lipsticks, none of which suit me

I worry so efficiently, I had a full night's worth of nightmares by 2.30 am. Follow me for more anxiety productivity tips.

i'm cursed with the gift of prophecy

Top use of the positional identifier in the caption here

Just painted my toenails for the first time since I broke a vertebra 🥳

"It's behind me, isn't it?"

Dinosaur documentaries "Stop calling animals monsters" challenge. Netflix's The Dinosaurs is the latest culprit. Seemingly every five minutes.

I'm on a roll. I did the spring cleaning version of cleaning the living room floor today. As in, move all the furniture out of the way, vacuum then use wood floor polish.

Do you think zoos and vet surgeries are haunted by animal ghosts?

Big, black tears welled up from my shrivelled goth heart when Garbage played a beautiful cover of The Cure's Lovesong last night 🖤 🥹

Kudos to the agency music journalist who pulled an all nighter to be the first to press with a write up of last night's gig that has so far only been picked up by... Somerset County Gazette. www.somersetcountygazette.co.uk/leisure/nati...

My one decent photo from tonight's Teenage Cancer Trust gig with Garbage and Placebo

I've just completed a household chore I've been meaning to get around to for months. It took 20 minutes. Please clap for me.

This rebrand feels like a Sainsbury's Basics Museum of London. The Music Group of galleries. (I love it, really)

Typical feline one-upmanship

That's definitely the look of a man cranking 'em out. For the record, actual news journalists who write their own stories and the editors who check them also turn over hundreds of stories over six months

Compromised.

Friday nights used to be my favourite, but when I've got no plans, I get proper bored and lonely. Time was a single woman my age could fill her time spoiling milk, changing into a hare and at a pinch, kissing the devil's bottom.

Friday

Found a name and cover for my psych album

Found it! It was neither "meals for one," "healthy," "budget," or a "weekly meal plan," but there are a couple of meals here I will batch cook for a few dinners. www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/coll...