i’m still angry at Torey Lovullo for the way he managed the pen yesterday so i’m using my Dbacks collectible nachos bucket as a compost bin tonight

there's a pretty strong case for engineering the next gen of people to top out at about 5'6" now that we don't need one big guy in every village who can haul rocks. i'm 6' tall so this isn't cope just objective fact

it’s lonely work being the group chat’s only Flogging Molly sicko

Will Smith just slapped Chris Rock

i’ve been influenced

Paul Sewald is 3-0 in save situations when i am present at chase field. venmo @ valerieonline to contribute to the dbacks victory fund

Tim Tawa get behind me

come through for maxfun meetup day in beautiful phoenix, arizona @maximumfun.org

cleaning up the kitchen and having a glass of red while my baseball team shits the bed

just walked a guy on four pitches to load the bases. but that’s okay, i’ll get the next guy. now to hang a slider dead center and take a big sip of my coffee

Ryne Nelson today

now here’s a guy: Rod Barajas

our noble National League vs their barbaric American League

phillies batter just challenged a called strike three that came in right around here and jon miller said “that should be strike one against him his next time up!”

my job on the leftist commune would be middle reliever with an ERA that hovers around 5.60 and every time i trot out of the bullpen the home fans go “ugh not HER again” but they keep me on the roster because i’m a solid presence in the clubhouse. sorry what was the question again

our bats will finally come alive tomorrow, lord willing and the creek don’t rise

Paul Sewald is 2-0 in save situations when i am present at chase field. venmo @ valerieonline to contribute to the dbacks victory fund* *my budget for nosebleed tickets

Mikiri Counter would be a beautiful name for a baby girl

there won't be a "third impact" Mulder, the entire concept is a fantasy you created to avoid reckoning with painful, deep seated psychosexual fears and insecurities. think about it. this "impact" just happens to specifically address your worst— (third impact begins) many things could be causing this

Rime of the Ancient Mariner prestige tv surf dracula adaptation. season one finale is him buying a crossbow

A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms season 1 in the books

finally made it out of the starting area in dark souls 3

while you were studying the blade, i went to the store

Snake, that’s Harry. he doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene. he’s got a daytime job, and he’s doing alright

[pulling up to my softball games] oh i’m sorry, is a sportsball happening today? 🙄

small-government conservatism is when a guy in a mask who won't show you his badge shoots you through the window of your car while you're driving away from him

gungan dj khaled: WEESA SUPER BOMBAD MUSIC

when i was playing dark souls 2 i couldn’t stop singing “bearer of the curse” to the tune of master of the house from les mis

the patriotism only gets to come out when we're sinking british or german battleships

why are there so many werewolves in london

Good afternoon. At 12:47 this morning, two F-15C fighters scrambled from Whoville Air Force Base intercepted a Grinch strategic bomber in Who airspace. The aircraft did not respond to multiple radio commands to leave our airspace, and its ADS-B transponder was turned off.

desperately rubbing my hands together for warmth in the watchtower as i scan the horizon for grinches

grimly pursuing a grinch across the city’s rooftops like agent smith in the matrix

does anyone know if the department of game and fish is open on friday? i forgot to get my hunting permit for grinch season

orc who started in the mailroom at Barad-dûr and worked his way up to Nazgûl

we have Josie. we have Peg. we have Jive Miguel, who’s in from Bogotá. we have Doctor Wu. we have Lady Bayside. we have Chino and Daddy Gee. we have all these characters

fellas, it’s too rough to feed ya

my job on the leftist commune would be middle reliever with an ERA that hovers around 5.60 and every time i trot out of the bullpen the home fans go “ugh not HER again” but they keep me on the roster because i’m a solid presence in the clubhouse. sorry what was the question again

don’t forget to leave a plate of taconite ore pellets out tonight for the Edmund Fitzgerald

look at my fucking opposition party dog

TV Chef Fantasy League: Come for the Top Chef recaps, stay for the hockey opinions. (Yeah, this was last week's episode, but I'm catching up. You should too! maximumfun.org/podcasts/tv-...)

Two things about @ifycomedy.com: 1) He's not afraid to put a hat on a hat 2) He's slurping down a food bowl TV Chef Fantasy League is chopping up Top Chef: Destination Canada: Week 1 ▶️ maximumfun.org/episodes/tv-chef-fantasy-league/week-1-risotto-already-top-chef-destination-canada/

It's our first thousand members and look how happy we all are! Get a piece of this joy for yourself: go to maximumfun.org/join right now and become a member, upgrade your membership, or boost it by a couple of bucks. Support independent artists and a worker-owned business! Make a puppy smile!

Dunno if you went outside last night in North America but if you noticed the moon disappearing, that was because MaxFunDrive is starting next week If we get enough new joining, upgrading, or boosting members, we will let you keep the moon

My eyes rolled at James riding his gay little bike out of Twin Peaks and toward the worst plot line of the show But then this credit popped up and I knew not all hope was lost

shaving my whole body to see Blue Velvet in the theater just in case

david lynch changed my life so i am very very sad today

in heaven, everything is fine in heaven, everything is fine in heaven, everything is fine in heaven,

never forget what the breakfast sandwich has done for you. for all of us