The British economy has grown stagnant and tired because we've lost the ability to innova-

21:22: blissfully unaware of the existence of Ilia Malinin 21:49: FOR FUCK'S SAKE MALININ DO YOU CALL THAT A QUAD AXEL YOU STUPID PRICK

Current status: very mad that Budvar have never set up an airport bar called the Czech Inn

Going out on a limb to say 'ideally yes'

"this is a classic!" yells my son as Gang of Four - Damaged Goods comes on in the car and I realise I have fully become this guy

Remember this one from Modern Warfare 2

Alright jeez I get it it's reserved

Uhh how about we stop making women responsible for men's behaviour???

I hate to be a Piss Truther, but there's absolutely no way that even an Olympic athlete has this level of urine control

I used Claude Code today to automate like 50% of my job. Now I just need a service that sits in Zoom calls and occasionally says "ok, how's that going to affect timelines" and then I can get fired

"I am going to consign 450,000 children to poverty so that my pint costs £6.95 instead of £7" does not feel like an *unbeatable* proposal

Chair is way too close to the desk. He's got to crack his elbow off the corner like four times a week. Idiotic.

Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly

Just found out that male camels have a special inflatable organ that they use to attract mates and folks, I sincerely wish I hadn't

Torn between not wanting my one year old to waste his life with a career in finance and admitting he looks very good in a quarter-zip

Also think it makes it clear that these creeps never actually cared about children being abused, they just cared about the game of having access to Secret Important Knowledge, and when it became a) actually true and b) publicly available, it's no longer interesting to them

Snagged some Life Without Buildings tickets for the Glasgow night. Going to be an interesting mix of "Found these guys on Tiktok" people and "Found these guys on a scratched CD-R in 2004" people.

Gone to Manchester to pledge my sword to my liege, the King In The North, Andy Burnham

The fun thing about people not trying to spoil The Traitors is that a) they're being subtle enough to bypass muted word filters, and b) they're not being subtle enough to avoid spoiling anything, so that's how I have found out how it ends

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

The news this morning described Arctic Monkeys as "one of the biggest names in British rock music" which felt both completely accurate and a profoundly depressing indictment of British rock music

CHILD: did you know that geckos EAT OTHER GECKOS?!?! ME: wow, no! Do you think you could eat a person? CHILD: ... ME: ... CHILD: ... ME: ... CHILD: ... I think I could eat a baby.

I mean is it a shock? Sounds like the development process has been an absolute disaster from day 1

An enjoyable afternoon with not one but two meetings about powerpoint decks for different meetings

'oh, I ordered some cat litter, it should arrive today,' my wife says offhandedly, apparently under the impression that we own an incontinent Bengal tiger

You fucking.......... Should? What the fuck are you talking about?

A surprisingly bleak sight to encounter in the bathroom

My four year old was trying to explain ninjas to me. "They sneak around at night when it's dark!" "Yeah!" "And nobody sees them when they're sneaking!" "That's right!" "And if they see a mouse then they eat it up!" "No, that's... That's cats you're thinking of"

Biblically Accurate Chicken

Latest local complaints about the new housing development, they're building *too much* affordable housing, the monsters

Everybody thinks 'https://' stands for 'hypertext transfer protocol secure' but it actually stands for 'head to this place, sucka' followed by a colon and two laser sounds

Fuck, awful news www.theguardian.com/music/2026/j...

My four-year-old loves watching nature documentaries, which is always a bit of a crapshoot, given how quickly "haha look at those kooky flamingos" turns into "marabou stork starts casually guzzling down helpless flamingo chicks like he's at a chain hotel breakfast buffet"

One person got their phone out and started filming, the other person shot them in the face three times, truly, who can say who was worse

I grab a can of Carling and settle down in my greige crushed velvet sofa. I pop on Peaky Blinders (obv). I immediately die as the 120" TV 14 centimetres away from my face obliterates my eyeballs with the force of an 1800W Dewalt heat gun.

Fun question to ask the government: given they've decided to make civil servants use a site where they could be shown CSAM at any time against their will, how are they going to protect their employees against the legal consequences of this?

ME: I'm going to try to read more this year INSOMNIA: oh hey i can help you out with that if you like

More recent episodes of Tellytubbies have introduced the Tiddlytubbies, baby versions of the main characters who are apparently looked after by the Tellytubbies themselves, and seemingly have a level of care normally seen in Romanian orphanages

For dinner, my signature dish: The Kids Didn't Want To Eat Their Tea And I'm Tired

Moon big

Having the kind of minor existential crisis which demands the making of a large lasagne

Our one year old woke us up with a screaming shit tsunami at 4.15am. I am absolutely ready to be done with this fucking year.

It's not Christmas any more, it's not new year yet, but I'm fucked if I'm not ending the day with a small cheeseboard

Last year I was helping out with a complex, high-impact project that my colleagues had decided to name "App To App" and in every single meeting I just had this guy looping round in my head