too long for bsky, annoying to split up, enjoy this fb screenshot

do you live on dixie highway? cos you're the only dick i see. highway

"tastes like a wet horse" i say to the donut shop owner, after tasting the new Wet Horse Donut

"I'm depressed" - so what so is everyone - 'hi depressed i'm dad' - no ironic detachment "I suffer from melancholia" - sounds like an exciting exotic disease - people love lars von trier - five syllables in one word shows you're doin okay in this economy - maybe opens the door to say 'ennui'

Tiny caged amongus...

world's dirtiest martini (it has stagnant water in it)

me and my wife's safe word when we're doing those bdsm scenes where we take turns beating each other within an inch of our lives is "god this fucking sucks"

"jacking off" bitch i am jacking On

Trying to figure out this menacing display in the doctors office

bitches can't get enough of my horrid carcinogenic discharge

can't tell if i'm experiencing my first Tgirl Period[tm] or if i'm just overly pattern-seeking the fact i've been dealing w sudden unusual mood swings and digestive issues around the same time of month i started taking hormones lmao

4 months on hrt wooooo 🎉

crying while jacking off, call that a tear-jerker

new pfp. rly gotta get all dolled up again sometime, cos this pic is from like 6 months ago lol, but this is the prettiest i've ever looked so it's what i'm using

the twilight princess low% speedrun method

sequel to the chastity cage called chastity realm. you send your penis into a pocket dimension where you don't have access to it

Some players said the rats in my game were too cute so they didn't want to fight them. I think I found a solution:

I understand that “I was female even before I transitioned” is rhetorically difficult for a lot of cis people, but it’s the only way to make sense of why every attempt to make me a dude failed and felt so fucking awful.

i have eaten a minimum of 35 human corpses this year. my dick is incapable of being sucked. i drive a sedan with one of those mini uhaul trailers attached at all times because trucks and cargo vans are for hicks and pedophiles. my favorite band is smashing pumpkins but i only like their 2010s stuff

the sun can eat my entire ass and gnaw on my balls until they pop (it is 80° and sunny outside and i'm having a bad time lol)

making a protein bar called "oops! all prions!" that has 25g of prions in it

The Connoisseur. Gouache and watercolor on paper. Dreaming of autumn... Prints: www.inprnt.com/gallery/vmad...

women want me, fish want me, my likeable personality transcends species boundaries

[to the tune of ymca] it's fun to shit in the T O L T

found a whole operation of unmanned youtube channels making completely unchecked long form slop videos where the ai voice simulacra regularly trips up & does this for a full ten minutes every time. all the very legit comments are like "NO! THATS NOT TRUE! YOU LIE HE DID NOT" & never acknowledge it.

FISH HAVE A DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT TO ME

turd-based tragedy game

this is now the second time i've bought an oversized band shirt bc all they had left was 2XL (the first being the chat pile shirt i wore to the show lol)

cross-posting yet another shitpost that's too long for bsky

currently on day 2 of Post-Concert Aching Like Fuckin Crazy and i'm not enjoying it BUT it was very much worth it lol. i always know it's gonna be like this so i'm like, whatever man, if the price i gotta pay for having the time of my life is a couple days of Ah Fuck Ouch then so be it

If you don't save before exiting you are FUCKING UP !!

trying to impress my wife by doing backflips but like i'm doing them really close to her while she's trying to cook dinner and she's getting really stressed out and angry

cool thing about being named Bethany is you can use the phrase "betty bummer" in place of "debbie downer"

realizing i haven't been posting any of my shitty lil songs here, whoops. got out of the habit of writing music for a while, so i started keeping shit in my car so i can bang out some tunes more regularly. i still can't write lyrics for shit, so it's all filler / shitpost type stuff, but yeah lol

been having some Ideas and Ambitions for an album i'm kinda sorta working on rn and i rly hope i'm able to make it actually happen lol. been writing more songs lately, hopefully soon will be able to get back into recording and producing stuff, cool shit

doing some olympics in my back yard if anyone wants to join. i am also going to be decapitated with a shovel i sharpened the other day for this specific purpose though so you might wanna leave before we do that

a couple selfies from before n after putting my hair up in the work bathroom

[to the tune of diary of jane] something's getting in the way something's just about to spray flood my pants with liquid waste i have diarrhea as i'm cursing at the air as i soil another pair i'm still spraying liquid waste i have diarrhea

wish ppl could learn how to dislike popular things in a way that wasn't so fucking annoying lmao [1/3]

guy named Chase Johnson (he's a little too into pre-op trans women)

greep apnea (i stop breathing when listening to black midi)

twitch streamers be like "don't forget to type 'balls penids' in chat for $160,000 delivered straight into your cloaca" and that is why i hunt them for sport

upstairs neighbor has been playing music kinda loud all morning (annoying) they're listening to dream pop (cool)

you would not believe your eyes 🤯 if ten million people died 😢

mods are asleep post camera falling out of plane and landing in a pig pen to be licked by a pig

"lmao did you see the newest hbomberguy video" you say as your skull is being crushed under the tires of my 2006 subaru forester. i fucking hate you. yes i saw it that was like two years ago

gonna start telling ppl i dislike that i hope they get byford dolphined

The two styles of popular modern metal are “European people being embarrassing” and “energy drink metalcore made by the computer”