loading . . . Turning Heel: Alamo Drafthouse Decides Movie Watchers Are the Worst seen seated: the people excited for the direction of Alamo Drafthouse
I am unsure when I first went to The Alamo Drafthouse. I know it was when it was still on Colorado when downtown Austin's skyline wasn't trying to look like Vancouver or San Diego's younger, dumber cousin.
Viewing I took in there included the OG Planet of the Apes, and Jamie came with me to a pasta dinner for the epic Once Upon a Time in the West where we were served some truly terrible red wine. There were other movies at this locale, but those stick out.
Later, we went to the South Lamar location when it was in an old Fiesta grocery store, and when The Alamo Drafthouse opened The Ritz on Austin's famed 6th Street, I was a regular there as well. These days I do the Slaughter Lane location as its near my house, and South Lamar if I'm feeling daffy.
I watched the Alamo institute a "select your seat" option online as people were having to show up earlier and earlier before shows to secure the correct seats - well before other theaters bothered.
During a lengthy run, from when we moved back in 2006 to when I watched Shane at Mueller just before COVID lockdown, I was at the Alamo once or twice a week. There were regulars - I didn't know their names, but you kind of eyeballed each other and knew who people were. Hope "Grey T-Shirt Guy" is doing okay (he was at every screening of everything).
As cell phones and manners have never been humanity's strong suit, The Alamo was a front runner in clearly stating - no. Not here. No talking or texting, or you'll be asked to leave. Without a refund.
The video below ran before movies for years. Because it worked. It demonstrated you, who talk and text, are an asshole and we will openly mock you.
Some found this offensive, but they were welcome not to come and participate as we waved good bye to those who could not abide by the rules.
Unfortunate that such draconian rules have been put in place? Maybe - but it was the last theater in America where it seemed like the basics of audience etiquette mattered.
If someone was talking, you raised an order card, told the waiter who it was, and it got handled. I was personally responsible for dozens of warning cards and getting at least two or three parties evicted (or led to their self-eviction, I was never sure except for that dingbat sitting next to me at Fury who was pointing at the opening credits and talking about each name as it came up on screen. She self-evicted when she was told to shut up. Tourists.).
Oh, yeah, The Alamo also serves full meals. There's a menu, and a pretty decent ordering system. The trick is - and everyone knew this before COVID and the influx of dum-dums moving to town and the generation of kids who grew up with no socialization became "adults" - you were to arrive 20-30 minutes early, figured out your order, and get set. In return, the Alamo provided a 30 minute pre-show just so you could perform all necessary activities prior to the trailers without sitting in eerie quiet or ads (cough, Regal. Cough, AMC).
And when the trailers started - they locked the door. You were not entering that movie in the dark and messing up someone else's experience.
I won't get into the weirdness that preceded the exit of Tim League from The Drafthouse. I don't know much, don't know what's real or imaginary. But League and his wife began separating themselves from The Alamo as a concern circa 2018, essentially cashing out. And, initially, not much changed.
But since that time, the chain has passed through various owners and investors and has landed in the lap of Sony, who seems to be seeking vertical integration. And, arguably, Sony wants the people who were at the Alamo keeping it going from 1998 - 2018 or so, to please go away.
It's been a long road here.
And where we are is the same place as McDonald's in 2026.
you deserve a bleak today
I hadn't been inside a McDonald's in years - maybe since pre-COVID, but apparently the mood is now "morgue with touchscreens". Make sure surfaces are something you can clean with 409, and encourage patrons to get the hell out as fast as possible.
Most important - there's no one behind the counter. The counter exists with two registers, but you order on a kiosk touchscreen when you walk in. Sure, the screen has been touched by every nose-picking kid in the county, and may be impossible to clean correctly, but that's better than them paying some 17 year old minimum wage to ensure things go correctly, right?
You may also order from an app. Which is what I tried, except my order didn't go through, which is why you see me inside the store.
If your memory of McDonalds is a well lit place with joyful clowns and welcoming colors and wall-art, @#$% you. This is Shareholder Maximum Profit McDonald's. You're lucky we're not making the dining room our abattoir (which it sure resembles), which we would surely do if it would be profitable.
What you may have heard is that The Alamo - now beholden with Sony shareholders and with the pay of their Sony executives tied to how much they maximize profits for Q3 - is ditching wait staff in favor of an app on your phone. It will reduce costs, which in theory will drive up profits. And they can do this with a streamlined menu and a phone-based app where you perform *all* interactions.
The chain that built a massive cult following by insisting no one has their phone out is now making that the *only* way to communicate your wants and needs during your time at the theater/ restaurant.
Will this improve literally anything? No. Will it cause a multitude of easily predictable problems? Oh, yes.
I am sure that the same Youths who become furious at the idea of speaking on the phone or making eye contact are cheering. They will get chicken nuggets and ketchup in the dark while they scroll their phones pretending they're looking at the app if questioned.
Already, The Alamo lets people come in any old time now, and allows them to start ordering (loudly) as the movie begins. They no longer enforce no-talking rules as near as I can tell.
The new policy requires you to take out your phone, lighting things up, to complain about tables nearby using their own phones or talking - a move essentially discouraging movie goers from doing the necessary activity to retain civility or they join in as part of the problem.
I've been there during the pilot process. My two uses of the app were dismal. The app was poorly designed, hard to read, made it impossible to ask questions or make changes (maybe you want a salad instead of fries?). My food just didn't arrive until an hour into the movie - in part because no one was thinking about me, specifically, as a customer who would tip them.
The 18% fee for their services is... fine. If I have a waiter. I always kick in a few extra bucks on top. What is NOT fine is that if you don't respond quickly enough to your bill, which they text you! (JFC!!!), they add another 5% onto the cost. And... for what? There's no waiter now - just someone in the dark dumping off food. Gratuity is for gratitude for service.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is bullshit.
Essentially my plan is this:
1) With Jamie's encouragement, I've quit my membership in the Season Pass Program.
2) If I do have to go, I'm going to just order water. No popcorn. No food. No cocktails. No soda. I'll drink water. They can't charge me for water, so 23% on my bill is 23% of nothing.
3) If they aren't going to hold up their end of the bargain, no reason for me to give them money. Movies come out streaming within two months now. If I really need to see something, I'll go deal with the mess that is AMC or the romper room that is the local Regal Cinema.
It's clear customers don't matter to The Alamo, which is a ballsy @#$%ing stance as the movie industry keeps teetering toward a cliff. And as a single person attending fewer movies than I did until ager 45, okay. Fair. I don't matter. Which is really the slogan of MBA's considering who is paying their paycheck in 2026.
Individual customers can fuck off, and we'll keep working from the Business 101 playbook until we sell to some bottom-feeding VC's who will eat the business for parts. And writing off losses - so we make money no matter what. Thanks, tax law.
But I also don't owe CEO Michael Kustermann (seen below clenching a poop) any help as he works to appease the shareholders and hits ludicrous speed to the enshittification of an iconic brand.
you just know this guy says his favorite movie is "Avatar"
By the way, Reddit is tracking this debacle, and it's going about how you'd expect.
Anyway - one thing about getting older sure is watching good things come into being and eventually the business guys make it awful. Something ideal and cool is now run by someone whose background is working at Nestle, one of the most oddly sociopathic companies on the planet.*
It would be nice if anyone who had tried to run The Alamo lately were, you know, a regular, and understood the model. But you always knew Sony was just going to appoint some bright young man who raised his hand and had heard on a panel at SX that The Alamo is "a cool, hip brand". With his impeccable taste for cool, he knew he could really rock synergizing Alamo with the brand identity Sony imagines it has with the populace.
Alas, people mostly see it as a company that makes electronics and Madame Web.
The bottom line is that Sony doesn't give a shit about the actual customer experience - they care about faceless shareholders who demand an unrealistic return on buying stock. And showing they made more money given the classic model is not something anyone at Sony is equipped to do. Which you think they'd be embarrassed about, but they'd rather destroy a brand than hire competent people.
*they have to have a page on their site walking back the CEO's comments that water is not a human right
https://signal-watch.com http://dlvr.it/TRWtn0
