when the new kid is asleep on the job..

Cannot understand Stefon Diggs assaulting his chef. If anyone wants to make me a sandwich .. I will not lay hands on you.

a place for everything and everything in its place..

actual footage of me tryna interact with the most fascinating guest at this party..🥳 #HappyNewYear 2026 Everyone!!!🥳🎉🎈✨

Spit-laugh rating 9/10 🤣

OH MY GOSH😹 Deco is the CUTEST!!🐾

#ISmelledARatWhen I was double crossed.

Wow 60 Minutes is going to air a cutting edge expose tonight on how bourbon gets its color and taste. Bari Weiss is making a difference.

#IMightSeemInnocent I am

When Aaron Rodgers loses … the world wins.

no, I’m fine, why do you ask?

#MyChristmasEveIs about to get wild.

How I’m walking out of 2025…

Remember, no matter when you see this post. Your cat would like a treat. 🐾🐾🐾

Me, still reading through my Festivus list of grievances on Christmas Eve: I don't care how long this takes. Nobody is leaving this table until I'm done.

#GiftsForTheNaughty Dry food.

Introvert life hack.

#GettingReadyForChristmasIsLike gonna need extra catnip

Mitt Romney saying we need to tax the rich more…

when you don’t like people, but you make an exception for a good story time..

#TheElfInMeSays "Help! She swallowed me alive!" Wah-wah.🦉💢 #FeelGoodTags #HashtagGame

actual footage of me at a work lunch moments after the bread basket appears..

Bari Weiss is already negotiating the rights to broadcast the Hunger Games.

no, everything’s fine, why do you ask?

Does Susie Wiles not understand what “off the record” means or she just really hates these people and wants out..

Hi Blueskyers, stay warm out there. And remember, vacated warm spots are first come, first serve. 🐾🐾🐾

move? no, i will not move. why am i always the one who has to move. you move..also, can you grab my treats while yer at it?

thank you for FINALLY acknowledging it was your fault, Susan..YOUR FAULT.

there are actually haters out there who will say this pic is fake.. 🙄

well ain’t this some bull💩..😾

The Cat Ghost of Christmas Present calls for you to fill his bowl posthaste.

Happy #Caturday 🐈‍⬛

when you get all cozy then realize your snacks are way over there..

I don’t believe you, but do go on..

Possibly my next business venture. Bella insisted on it. 🤣

Happy Thanksgiving Deco!

#WhatIStuffedMyTurkeyWith leftover pizza the cat didn’t eat.

Hey…Happy Thanksgiving 🐾🐾🐾

when you’re scrolling through cat memes and one reminds you EXACTLY of your cat..

I’ve made my choice..😾

no, everything’s fine, why do you ask?

when someone tries to talk to you and you have a strict no-talk policy in your rider..

Of course you can have your spot on the couch back. One treat, please. 🐾🐾🐾

me when the guy repeats my order back to me and I am quickly trying to determine whether or not that is in fact what I just ordered..🫤

#InsideAnotherDimension stopping in time is still important

#InsideAnotherDimension Sensible hashtaggers are available.

countertop? never heard of it..😾

no, everything’s fine, why do you ask?

#ImNotAthleticBut neither are you