(menswear guy) grok please fix his collar gap.

i will kill that nye baby with a hammer.

hey guys my dog died right before christmas but twitter now allows you to use grok to visually rape women so i guess it's one of those 67 things.

bubba.

trump knew the only way to stop bill clinton from macking on your girl is to suck his dick dry.

lonely in a target bathroom

Amazing things going on out there

normally we'd hunt and kill witches for a sky like tonight.

the sky is christmas🎄.

You know how when you uncover enough universal truths you reach a free personal one, I just got a realizations on off switch

trump is in the broadcast booth claiming the redskins would've been up 10.

ivan helped fix the washer and claims that's how it's supposed to look.

suckin' his dick "rodeo style"

67 is just 69 but one is a robot.

alone in a mall at 3am

hilarious game.

rooting for chip kelly is always hilarious.

this is a perfect game for people who can't count past ten.

watching this game like it's soccer.

them: jerk off 32 times a month to reduce prostate cancer me: jerking off 1,000 times a month to cure cancer.

in ohio.

doing dak's "yaaaaa here we gooooo" as i take my dog to the vet to have his swollen, infected anal gland drained.

ordering a dumpster for cleanup around the house gets my wife wet.

Lower the listening end of a stethoscope into your aquarium and mouth the words softly to the end where the heart goes. "I want you to get a second opinion. Doctor Swim Through Holes is not even an x-ray machine"

phillies lost on purpose to serve up revenge on the blue jays for '93.

"genitals should act like magnets" -christian scientist

let's not talk about the base running there

[watching Blue Jays v. Dodgers] go birds

pretending we're normal.

my wife said she was too sad to put on the clown costume so i had to explain how clowns work.

happy halloween, sluts.

i keep rewatching the scene where keri russell puts on deodorant in the diplomat.

halloween is the beginning of the fattening.

the twitter discourse is gross

as far as fuckable fruits go, watermelons are girlfriends while pumpkins are wife.

single white female but i'm there too and get them to like each other and we all end up making out a little bit.

me explaining to a kindergartner how ai works.

my bird friend is back.

guy gets one boner and invents hydraulics which powers all the big truck stuff.

move the wall closer after each extra inning.

This game is like I got caught smoking a baseball and now I have to smoke a whole pack of baseball

both teams seem a little tuckered.

hurricane melissa has a spark of intelligence and wit that dances in her clear blue eyes, which are framed by long, dark lashes. her smile, a flash of white teeth, is genuinely warm, crinkling the corners of her eyes and conveys a deep sense of joy. a captivating beauty.

in an amazing bit of serendipity, i'm introducing vagina tongues this week.

ivan and i hanging out with this bird we found.

a smidge off.

autumn ivan

i had a dream my daughter was dating a huge josh allen fan and would get extremely frustrated every time i called him bill allen.

The government shutdown is especially tough on men, who are losing $1.00 for every 75¢ a woman loses.

23&me revealed my grandfather had a child he may or may not have known about. it was revealed when his two siblings came back 90% jewish and his came back 60% irish. my grandfather was the golf pro at one of the country's first jewish country clubs outside of philadelphia.