Another week of Jesus telling us to love each other and us failing miraculously

emmett can't pronounce acetaminophen.

sure laugh, but i lost a parent and two uncles to tylenol induced autism

the phillies are fucked if the rapture is real.

rainman was over 50.

if a child said "i hate immigrants" during sunday school i bet they would be corrected.

babies are too wet.

we are going to the poconos next month to take full advantage of what i expect to be an incredible philly sports month.

"it can only good happen!" i scream stuffing tylenol down a baby's throat.

i hurt my back moving a cabinet onto the porch that lizzy bought at an antique market. due to its size, has a zero chance of making it up the steps and into the bedroom.

patrick mahomes should be still for a second.

russell wilson throws a nice deep ball (pick).

dak is dak guy.

trump should die so he too can pack a stadium.

people making fun of this painting but that's just his face.

Being raised on Merrill Reese and Harry Kalas coming through my radio spoiled me. All us Philly kids were spoiled having two goats like that.

crazy way to watch that game

art

if it wasn't for the weather, or two blocked field goals, or something else, the rams might beat the eagles.

I’ve been watching the NFL since 1966 That was one of the greatest #FlyEaglesFly

go birds! holy shit.

We were never meant to see anything from above so in that way we are all a secret message to outer space. If you don't believe me, take a technology to the top of a tree and look at yourself. I was a left turn at Albuquerque

A magical place

Tomorrow is rock beach day :) they close it for most of the year so birbs can nest safely.

when someone gives you the finger just put your mouth on it to extinguish the anger.

There are so many good people doing good things every fucking day and we’ll never know a thing about it. Add that into the mix when the assholes get you down.

top tier grieving widow photo choice.

Let’s try this again. bsky.app/profile/riot...

ivan is almost out of his diarrhea thunderdome. waiting for something solid before couch snuggles can resume.

unfortunately the reverse is true for clown fetishes.

87% of any social interaction is spent wondering what to do with my arms.

snorks are what happens when smurfette is the only uterus in the village.

exact is short for exactually

since we like to watch tv together, i had to build ivan a diarrhea thunderdome to get us through the night.

every show is now hosted by nate bargatze.

I know we’re not supposed to laugh but that doesn’t mean I can stop

If I made a couples flu medicine commercial, where 1/2 of the couple was not sick yet, they would not be in the same bed. My commercial would involve the flu-less one in the yard rigging a pulley system to send food and medicine up to the bedroom without getting anywhere near flu-full one.

the neverending dog diarrhea is killing the alone in the house with my wife this weekend sexy vibes.

im telling the person whose disney+ account im using to cancel their subscription

a disabled dog with diarrhea friday.

while sitting in a coffee shop a fire truck rolled by with its sirens on. the guy sitting at the next table looked at me and kind of rolled his eyes. this is the vibe.

woke up to dog shit all over the bed and floor. good morning!

Without knowing it we contributed to the written alphabet. A sound in the air most probably has a shape we laughed, like it was even funnier how it floated away for somebody else to find and keep in a box. Maybe an artist who wanted to point and laugh at the noise "corrugated day job"

making midnight hydraulic hoses at my friends shop.

i had to call all my former lovers and inform them that they should get tested for adhd.

Sent you a mix tape of just me screaming.

gas pumps are like toddlers and ask too many questions.

get to know the members of crabswithoutlegs (my son's band).