I was gonna log back on when I got home today bc I left early but I just looked at my timecard and I actually have 5 hours of OT already so I'm not going to do that now

🫢🤫 whoops! I started yelling in verbal processing and woke up the dog

I caught Steve watching nature TV. Oh my God 😭

When someone asks you if you want their old printer the answer is always No

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP A NEW GORILLAZ TRACK JUST DROPPED last week and i was busy so i didn't see til now but still open.spotify.com/album/0mXlX2...

And nuking ice is something we should do right here at home

Woohoo going to Forest this year but as a +1 for someone who is working in hospitality!! Yayyyy!

I just want to put this out into the universe because every drive I've taken for the past like 5 days there have been numerous car accidents because the roads are so slippery but people just be driving crazy... So everybody calm down.... You'll get there eventually. Time isn't even real.. Slow down!

Why did my grammar correct just try to guide me to use 'blunter' instead of the correct way of 'more blunt'

Met my besties new beaux and idk I guess he passes the vibe check 🤣

FICE

Wow it is STILL snowing in Detroit

I am fucking going to donutville USA tomorrow an y'all can't stop me

Anyone else listen to Andy Frasco's podcast at all yet? I'm gonna check it out bc I love my man exploring podcasts and recommending them to me! Even if they suck I wa!na support him

Damn it. Who asked me about doing a colon cleanse this week? Who who? Where did that come from?

I won't stop Y'all'ing and I don't care bc Y'all is way more effective than any other way to informally address freaking anyone and any group of any size.

Today I did recruiting training at a facility on our applicant manager system and y'all!!! The way I get so high when I hear those AHA moments during these meetings!!!?!! I will be riding this the rest of the week!! 😁

Man, I really got to stop talking to people about the telepathy tapes podcast like in real life

Lol damnit this is at my expense but it's too fucking funny not to share ok

Omg one of my nails broke and it's like 8 years shorter than all the rest of my nails

Anyone else's dog just start pooping without even signalling and then it's just a trail of poop

I mean okay this is funny

We have derailed from our meatloaf making plans to run to the store to get an actual meatloaf pan for two reasons: so I can get motivated and excited about Doing Things™️ by tricking myself into making it a shopping trip.

I will chastise A for taking too big of dabs and then load the fattest globber of all time when I'm alone

Had to do some really weird passive aggressive shit at work to make sure my office door stays open over the next week so my plants don't freeze bc the cleaning lady closes the door at night bc she's afraid someone will be watching her and casing the joint to attack her because she's alone.

Guess I have curly hair now 😲

I can't believe the IT people at our HRIS company are really trying to tell us to wait til the end of the month for the W4 forms to be updated to the current tax year. I will not back down.

Calling it a 'baby sprinkle party' instead of a baby shower just sounds dirty to me and fucking stupid??

Sup #fuckyoufriday

"finished that up, let me just open bluesky and WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED NOW" - me, six times a day

“ In the 80s they used to cut people with knives “ .. - who said that? “Yeah chucky. aunt Meg told me that” YOU GUYS I THINK I JUST BECAME SCARY AUNT MEG?!

Shout out to the person with the bumper sticker this morning that said: PLEASE BE PATIENT, I AM 9 YEARS OLD

Um I have a question about this THC dusted flower. What the dick? Why does this seem so gimmicky? Does the powder combust and release THC when it burns? Weed heads help me

sorry for being so annoying lately. not related to anything going on, just kind of how I am as a person

Aren't there any other companies other than Liberty Mutual that want to advertise on Roku channels? Good fucking grief

I was gonna go bowling but now I'm not doing that. I am truly exhausted 🫩

Damnit you guys I literally just typed the word posted as poasted bc of you assholes I love you

I found the real reason I am keeping my obnoxious clapper fan and metal whistle on me at all times (it was also originally for road rage)

We as white US citizens need to make ICE agents lives a living hell

It's ok guys, other countries don't even understand that we have a federal government and also a state government. Even the company we are contracted with for our onboarding, who hasn't updated our W4 forms yet. They even doubled back when I said they were wrong!!

Mannnnnn the lady in my company who's name is Althea is RETIRING after 26 years!!!

One thing I am Not Going to do is listen to the gas pump at full volume for the 3 min it takes to fill my tank, I don't care if it's ILLEGAL to get back in my car

Man if my indeed rep thinks I'm going to back down from this oh boy he got another thing coming

Fucking yay it's my least favorite luncheon that everyone loves lol why do I have to hate bbq

Some of my chin whiskers are white and I wanna see if they'll stay that way or if it's just a weird thing. They are chinnies can we call them chinnies. Chinnsters? Chinskers??

There’s so much Miller on the timeline, cleansing with Dolly Parton and a cat ✨

BRING BACK ICQ YOU COWARDS

For anyone having a difficult reentry today: my subway lady said she prefers sandwiches cut in half bc it makes eating it a One Hand Job (and immediately noticed the mistake, then I tried to fix it by saying its a One Handed Operation which didn't help AT ALL and we all had a big laugh)

Idk at this point I absolutely would vote for my favorite web comic designer from highschool.

Well ok good Zeus FINALLY decided to eat for the first time all weekend this little buggernut!! Not sure what he got into but he's had upset tummy since Fri. He just ate his treats he didn't eat yesterday