not to worry, i'm a trained professional

we told yas not to squeal. didn't we tell yas. now look what we gotta do

who wants their horoscope for today, straight from the source

i haven't even typed anything yet, steam

the autism experience of your girlfriend headbutting you and you both say "bonk" in unison

2026 gave me a rough patch on my face from making out and a callus on my finger from virtual-on

THE WHEELS

this must have looked so bad from almost every other angle

oh okay new best ever virtual-on time!!! i'm on fire today~ 6'28"35

new virtual-on raiden PB! 6'54"63 now i only have to do that 6 more times to vanish that time i input my own name wrong (i haven't been able to even come close to that temjin time since, no idea what happened there)

we carry the PLUR with us. it still means something. PLUR can heal this world

here are your Heidi Noises for Tuesday, May 19, 2026

it's springtime in baltimore

you can fit a lot in your purse if you keep modifying the clasp

i'm the kind of person who will stop the car if i see a cat and my wife is the kind of person to open the door so she can pet the cat

doom gib spelled backwards

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

SHE GOT A NECK TATTOO AND IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE I AM SCREAMINGGGGgG

posting like i'm going through my drafts but no i just had a donut for afternoon breakfast and my girlfriend is gonna be here any minute

when a samsung phone is fast charging it says "fast charging" but google phones say "charging rapidly." this is so you know you got the one that's for nerds

those online mattress ads where they say you can try it for like two months and if you don't like it you can send it back for a refund: who do they think they're kidding. who would go through the trouble. imagine mailing an entire mattress. i wonder if it's ever happened even a single time

sorry not sorry for middle aged womanposting but i wonder how much of my life, total, i have spent unwittingly trying to shave a varicose vein

i know the discourse vibes are moldy as hell when i go from muting names of podcasters and streamers to concepts like "moderation" or "socialized"

i just want to call attention to this incredible screenshot

new avalanches good

Kelly in a Cube reviews "Dr Pepper Blackberry"

it's really funny to me that there is an off-broadway production called Burnout Paradise that has nothing to do with crashing cars to questionable music. that's such a specific two-word construction to go with. like ok idk how about an autobiographical Ray Liotta coming of age play "Ray Man Origins"

kanopy has the first two volumes of castration movie and i thought it would be really funny to be borrowing castration movie from the library like as a concept. so i guess i've seen 9 hours and 45 minutes of castration movie now

GOLLY! GHOST! IS SO COOL IT HAS TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS IN THE TITLE IT USES AN ANGLED MIRROR TO SUPERIMPOSE DIGITAL GHOSTS ONTO A PHYSICAL HAUNTED HOUSE DIORAMA WITH ELECTROMECHANICAL PARTS THAT OPEN AND CLOSE WITH SOLENOIDS

2a03+vrc6 cover of 'mysterious' from mario paint

i love to learn on the world wide web

the duality of beatmania

i was going to re-dye the other half today but i kind of like what's happening here, i think i'll let it ride for a while (i'm smiling cuz i just got smooched on the shoulder)

i love how thoroughly my wife deactivates her big brain in weekend mode, we just had the following exchange wife: it's out near Perry Hall me: where's Perry Hall? wife: it's near the Wendy's that's near Perry Hall

whoa why doesn't it do this when it's in my hair

i'd managed to avoid the youtube auto dubbing feature until now and it spiked my fight or flight into overdrive, my unprepared cortisol didn't know what was happening to me, this is a nightmare

what

hey just because it's inanimate doesn't mean it has no feelings

there was a 101 freeway exit i used to see regularly, Moorpark Rd, and that one's Dr Kraproom

bring on the Great Carcinization

i wonder if the interior world of a capybara is as chill as it appears. maybe they're just seething with rage at all times

welp time to get the traps bassline stuck in my head for another 30 years

called out

the lisa/XL is one thing but what is this 90s teen doing with a yamaha DX7 and a minimoog. is this a reference to ferris bueller having a $10,000 e-mu emulator II in his room for a single gag

this is a real place in california, i've been there! it was exactly like this (we were chased up and down stairways by giant metal balls)

new octo octa is gooddddd

arcade's about to close for the night, picked temjin by mistake, decided to roll with it, beat my personal best ever virtual-on time ????? OKAY

it's cool whenever nintendo announces "thing i already played a bunch of times but with less personality" i feel $700 richer

maryland parking