@lordravenscraft.bsky.social some helpful cooking instructions for your hobbit stew

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills Smee

Happy new year! One of the bar patrons seems excited to wait another year for GTA VI

I’ve written this poem countless times, but it keeps holding the same flame at its core - You have taught me love, and I hope I have taught it in return.

Don't let people enjoy things. If someone enjoys something you don't, they're wrong. Also you're wrong for thinking they're wrong. Also the thing itself is wrong. Everyone go to jail

polyamopharos

Instead of Elf On The Shelf, we are featuring Cthulhu In The Loo. Wash your hands, or face the unspeakable terror of the lord of the lightless abyss.

I’m admittedly terrible with faces. I thought Michael Rooker and Woody Harrelson were the same guy. These photos really don’t help my case at all.

Being bisexual and polyamorous is fun because you can match with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on a dating app and then panic when she messages you because it wasn’t supposed to go THAT far

This is the best thing I’ve ever seen

“do it for the plot” i say as i continue to be a menace only to myself

My new song is now streaming everywhere! Santa, if you’re up there, all I’m asking for this year is a lucrative international holiday hit. Sincerely, signed Bradley. PS: like as big or bigger than Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ thank you love ya distrokid.com/hyperfollow/...

I own a humidifier with a large reservoir. I think it takes too long to fill. I also own a rubber band and have a sink with the spray-thing. So, naturally, I spent the time it took to fill the reservoir trying to get the rubber band to keep the sprayer on while not falling out of the reservoir.

I drew a bath for myself last night and got so high I forgot about it and the tub is still full. And still full of bubbles. I don’t want to drain it - it’s art now

really want a bumper sticker that says “if you’re gonna ride my ass this hard, at least get some lube first”

Dating apps wanting me to pay money so I can tell more men that I’m willing to let them say “hello” to me are thirstier than I’ve ever been

Guess that video game! Difficulty level: based off of River’s description. Hint 1: “It’s a shooty game.” Hint 2: “In the streets!” Hint 3: “Oh I remember the dildo sword.”

have you ever been thirty something and broke cant fill your tank broke make a meal of tomato sauce broke cant buy your kid sister a Christmas present broke

Nothing quite like “I want a cookie” and then opening the various doors to your lesser evolved self deciding “nOoo cOOkiEe, OnNLy heALthH.”

‘Seek Funding’ Step Added To Scientific Method

“Do you know how stupid it is to try to drive with a fcking cowboy hat on?”

“I think I’m addicted to jumping off rocks now.”

“This WOULD be a good place to make meth.”

I fcking knew it

going into this hangover thinking “I have felt worse before, and I will feel worse later” namaste

Not to be too Adele, but sometimes it lasts in love, and sometimes, it hurts instead.

You’re bisexual? You need a third? Yeah. Water? Yeah, probably.

It’s my birthday!

my mom just wished me a happy birthday using my chosen name 😭 I don’t think I could ask for more today

hi I’m not sure what my ~brand~ would be but I suspect it’s something like if these images were printed on recycled cardboard and used as disposable coasters in a bar with too many specialty cocktails

never thought I’d be the kind of person to grind a personal blend of whole bean coffee to set up a pour over every day but we can’t all have a live-in barista no matter how cute and caffeine-addicted we are

so here I am because I really dislike the alternatives hello world I will probably give you a stream of nonsense