Yeah, I like A24… A24 thousand dollar a year job

this isn’t my first rodeo, but it is my fifth mambo

The theme at the Met Gala was, for the third year in a row, beastiality

Doing some spec merch designs

there's a new kind of genitals just for rich people, it's a kind of iridescent cloaca they put on your lower back and if you eat enough citrus fruit you can stick your phone in there and it charges wirelessly.

Australian people reproduce asexually.

Is the guy who wrote the Cheers theme song still alive?

[inveterate gambler who is also addicted to having multiple prosthetic penises surgically attached to himself, preparing to roll the dice at the craps table] come on, papa needs a new pair of dicks

Barack Hussein DiCaprio

The Giants should dress up a monkey in a uniform and send him out to third base pregame, call him Matt Chimpman

Why did he keep saying this?

It’s really hard to believe that this is the podcast that all the politicians are so desperate to go on

[Wayne Coyne voice] Are you circumcised??

Every Castlevania game is about going into a room and there’s just some asshole.

The important thing is that Twitter sucks but somehow Bluesky sucks even worse

The hat is Jamiroquai and the guy is Jamiroguy

I don’t think this place has the juice

hont dogs

don't forget to leave a hot dog out on the counter tonight, or baseball won't leave you any presents

post a non religious picture you think of as holy

Nobody ever talks about Joanna Newsom’s song about Seinfeld

It’s impossible to know if spider-man is Jewish or Christian but if you look hard enough, you can tell if he’s circumcised or not

The CEO of hot dogs has been screaming, “Hot dogs!” all night long

Roncut Gems: an unauthorized Uncut Gems remake directed by Ron Howard and starring Ron Livingston, Ron Perlman, and Ron Canada

Boy George is confusing because he’s a boy but he’s also a George

Beverly’s Hillbilly

Apparently Fisher Price does not license music that uses the word “asshole” for their toys. Yet another one of life’s little disappointments.

Everybody knows that Paul McCartney is left handed. But what other moral failings does he have? Take the Paul McCartney Moral Failing Quiz to test your knowledge!

On this date in 1963, mild-mannered Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and got so horny that he killed his parents or something. I don’t remember; it’s been a while since I read any comic books.

Cheese before bed, wife wants you dead. Bed before cheese, more of that please.

it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars

This is who runs this account

America honks itself off to death

@grantbrisbee.bsky.social unsolicited pitch: the Giants’ best and worst case scenarios are both that they finish .500

Happy Bring a Gun to Work January

Celebrity Sex Party, with your host, Ken Jennings

I heard that the Dilbert guy tried to suck his own dick too hard and died and I thought I’d audition to be the new Dilbert artist. What do you think?

NYT opinion page bringing the heat

He was really ahead of his time

i don't care for the grinch as a person but I've always respected his films. I'm able to separate the art from the artist.

KURTIS BLOW (seeing a guy dribble up the court): Amazing.

I would gladly kill one thousand normal people to save the life of just one celebrity