Thank you to those who gave all. You were never a sucker or a loser. This is no longer the country you died for, but we will take it back. Fuck Donald Trump. #memorialday2026

RIP KFB

Major news outlets when they see a fire within 100 miles of Los Angeles:

One of the more depressing aspects of insomnia & sleep apnea is the moments where you sluggishly walk to the kitchen for water hoping the clock on the stove says it's 5:30am, but instead it says it's 1:30am Only 5 more hours to go 😭

Sure Jan

it's boneless thursday and everyone is at burger king to get their tacos

WE GOT DOPPS! Good doppelgängers, dud doppelgängers, we've got 'em all! 🪞 Catch the latest episode of Office Hours at vist.ly/53wtr.

People from Wisconsin be like "yeah I'm from Okomowokaukbokgok it's right next to Omkowonokowukeegauke"

James Charles is basically an openly admitted pedophile but it took him complaining about a former Spirit Airlines employee to get any sort of major public attention? mhkay.

We've officially reached the point in history where we get slots ads on a food delivery order! What do you think the click-through rate is on that? Maybe 1 click out of 250,000? Totally worth it! 😂

If you use Chrome browser, go to this link and disable the AI feature in the URL bar: chrome://flags/#ai-mode-omnibox-entry-point

Hop on over for a fun time! www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx3P...

If you have anxiety or depression, one of the best things you can do for yourself is get offline. The infrastructure of the internet right now is designed in a way to constantly piss you off and make you depressed. If you struggle with mental health you NEED to take breaks using the internet.

Do they make a drug that makes people complain less?

Spring fully arrives next Wednesday for basically the entire midwestern United States. Enjoy!

The existence of "bidets" implies the existence of "binights"

When furries with long-established fursonas change their character, it gives the same vibes as when The Office tried to replace Michael Scott with a bunch of various people and it just didn't end up as good as the original.

UPDATE! Libelous liar Alex Jones is full of shit! Get the rest of this breaking story at youtube.com/live/C3dD3Cx6-9I

The Sandy Hook families are seeking emergency relief, asking for resolution in several courts, because this obviously harms their ability to collect the $1.4 billion they're owed from Jones and InfoWars. We're hopeful they will resolve this immediately so we can take over and pay these families.

An important update: Texas courts created such an unprecedented situation in an emergency filing last night, no one knows who is in charge of InfoWars, and therefore no one can pay rent. Since no one controls these assets right now, it does appear InfoWars will shut down tonight at midnight.

Last night was an unforgettable night of NHL Playoff hockey, holy shit that's what it's all about

W

Midwest USA weather is so up and down lmao. Couple of weeks ago it looked like we were going to settle nicely into Spring with some great mid 60s and 70s temps, and now the next two weeks ahead of us the weather is going to be complete shit-ass and like 45 F degrees during the day and 30 F at night.

Sleep schedule I wish I could follow: go to sleep at like 10:30pm, wake up at 7:30am. Sleep schedule my body ACTUALLY follows: some random arbitrary time between 7pm-11pm where I crash so hard I can hardly function, wake up at 4am as if I had already been awake for an hour.

Well guys, I think this is it for me. You'll soon see me in the great Toyota Corolla in the sky. 🙏

I watch my boyfriend constantly fight with his PlayStation 5 and SteamDeck multiple times per day EVERY day, meanwhile I sit over here with my Xbox Series X that starts up in .5 seconds and keeps my resume progress exactly where I left it between multiple games with zero lag or crashes. It's silly!

You would think a professional writer would understand that criticism isn't 'cancellation' and that 'mass cancellation' is a weird turn of phrase that kind of belies that it's just people criticizing you and not a 'cancelling' as conceived by pop culture. But we're talking about Taylor Lorenz.

Inciting violence against someone that you DON'T like opens the door equally to violence against people you DO like. It benefits nobody.

Words and phrases I have heard on TV commercials today: "Diarrhea" (about 50 different times) "lactation station" "holy SHOOT!!!" (said like "holy shit") "is this *too* much cheese??" "unstable angina" (sounded like "unstable vagina")

Preshident Donald Jon Trump called in with some major tea to spill about the First Lady and we’re here for it! 🇺🇸 Hear the full phone call at vist.ly/4zsq7 OR enjoy the full episode with a FREE 7-day trial to patreon.com/officehourslive.

Learn more about Tim taking over INFOWARS! 🧅 Hear from The Onion CEO Ben Collins on the latest episode of Office Hours Live at youtube.com/officehourslive or enjoy a FREE 7-day trial to patreon.com/officehourslive.

These numbers are still nowhere near high enough, but it's a good trend at least.

I'm crying, this is so funny, he has absolutely no idea.

Some days I like this dude and then other days I have serious concerns

The rumors are true: we are Hollywood elites, obsessed with Satan and we drink Adrenochrome (except Wendi McLendon-Covey, who is just our in studio guest)! Get all the tea about Infowars, Alex Jones and more on this week’s episode of Office Hours at youtube.com/live/fdEiZqwbN2E

It's always a treasure seeing the youth of this world learn more about history

RIP to the guy that said one of my favorite quotes ever. "That's a 3 dollar bill right there!" while looking thru items and determining their value

We're peeling The Onion with CEO Ben Collins and more breaking INFO! TUNE IN: youtube.com/live/fdEiZqwbN2E

Thread: I'm going to immediately sell these old @timheidecker.bsky.social hit pieces to Alex Jones who apparently has zero ability to distinguish fact from fiction

I'm so giddy this conspiracy theory is getting a wider audience now because it's so effing funny and I had to deal with a few dopes about this when modding for Tim. AJ doesn't even realize he's reaching out to an ACTUAL pedo when begging for help about a FAKE comedy sketch 😂😭

It's always a treasure seeing the youth of this world learn more about history

We're still kicking Tucker's ass on the YT podcast charts

Live from @theonion.com HQ.

Holy shit this trailer looks amazing!! youtu.be/H-43VeYGiPM?...

Holy shit this trailer looks amazing!! youtu.be/H-43VeYGiPM?...