Once in the Indy 500 Social Garage, someone told me "Based on your tweets...I don't know, I thought you'd be fatter."

Wifey had to answer the call of "Is there a medical practitioner on board?" call. Over the mid-Atlantic she brought passed-out passenger back to consciousness. She amazed me, as I stood rows away like "Um...yeah if you need a tweet about this or anything I'm here in 31L."

I hear this new pope likes the White Sox so

Basking in the splendor of architectural Peyronie's Disease

When I saw "Titanic," we're at that scene where Jack Dawson is sketching the completely naked Rose. The camera zooms in on young Rose, then dissolves into the 90-something, present day Rose and begins zooming back out. Someone audibly says "Oh God - PLEASE be clothed."

Hello from Morocco

POWER RANKINGS: The top ten best animated GIFs from the 2025 NASCAR season CLICK HERE -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

Dear Pope Leo XIV who I don't think is on Bluesky yet - I'm sitting atop a gothic Catholic cathedral in Barcelona paying for international data in order to text taunts to people I know who went to Ohio State. Is this OK or do I need to head down to the confessional after this. Hit me back thx.

JEALOUS?

22-year-old me at the club in my new Ed Hardy V-neck as every female in the place ignores my presence

You know God forbid a guy go on a little Bel Biv Devoe kick early in the year without @Spotify deciding I need to start shopping for a f---ing reverse mortgage. DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL OLD. Connor Zilisch does that enough already. #SpotifyWrapped

Carson Hocevar cackling mid-wreck like it's a Joker origin story, and our other favorite "Radioactive" moments from the 2025 #NASCAR season. CLICK HERE -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

This parade is always like "And this next float is a tribute to our amazing oceans and marine life and this 30-foot Beluga whale is made from 8 million pieces of wet toilet paper and sponsored by Cottonelle and now performing 'Mambo No. 5' atop this magnificent creature is Lou Bega."

Like a Friendsgiving but it's with all of your enemies

Drivers that hump trophies, and other things we're so thankful for in 2025 Click here -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

If you run a 5K on Thanksgiving morning, none of us are impressed at all. Now, run a 5K on Thanksgiving evening after turkey, yams, mashed potatoes, green beans, two kinds of pie and four glasses of wine? Peak athlete.

🚨A series of extremely meme-able images from the "RISING" series on the NASCAR YouTube channel. CLICK HERE -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

Ever find a picture of yourself in high school and wish you could time travel back to high school to beat the shit out of yourself in high school

Google image search has done Jimmy Spencer extremely dirty

🚨Time to recap the entire 2025 #NASCAR season, but like, alphabetically, on Substack. The season that was, from A to Z. Click here -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

Me when I'm on day four of a minor cold but I'm also male

Rooster says hello

I don't think people realize how difficult life can be when you walk faster than 99 percent of the population

Blah blah blah Kyle Larson. The real superstar of the Larson family is she with the beer-shotgunning skills of a frat brother in a house that's on disciplinary probation. On the #NASCAR Substack, a Katelyn Larson appreciation post -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

Simon & Garfunkel. Lennon & McCartney. Zilisch & Love. #NASCAR

Real

This is a testament to the amount of preparation that goes into each event for the No. 5 team - Cliff Daniels just raised the hood on the car to inspect everything to make sure the car is set up perfectly to SIT ON THE STAGE MOTIONLESS FOR TWO HOURS. #NASCARAwards

Every new Larson is awesome in their own way

If Corey Heim didn't win a race this year, it's probably because something happened to Corey Heim.

Drivers that MF each other and later become teammates is actually nothing new. NASCAR has itself a history of foes that wound up teammates. Read all about it here, on the #NASCAR Substack -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

My Halloween costume is violent Marty Snider

So William Byron won at Martinsville and received several (very fake) texts afterwards. Read then all here on the #NASCAR Substack -> substack.com/@nascar/note...

10 years apart

Haha hope you UCLA students enjoyed waking up at 8:30 a.m. your time on a Saturday morning to watch this. #Hoosiers

🎥 THE TALLADEGA SURPRISE INFIELD ITEM UNBOXING If you have a weak stomach, keep scrolling. This idea was terrible.

If we can race on an island/naval base in San Diego then my dream is even closer to a reality #NASCAR

So Chase Briscoe won at Talladega and received several (very fake) texts afterwards. Read them all here on the #NASCAR Substack -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

EVERYONE ELSE: (Stressing out about strategy and finding manufacturer teammates to work with and avoiding the massive pileups that could end your playoffs) DENNY HAMLIN:

🚨Is it your first time heading to Talladega this weekend? Awesome! READ THIS FIRST and prepare yourself for what you're about to enjoy/endure. BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO THE TALLADEGA INFIELD -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

In 1973 during a race at Talladega, a mysterious voice told Bobby Isaac "...get out...something bad is about to happen." Isaac would come to the pits, tell team owner Bud Moore to find another driver, and leave. No one in the Talladega infield has ever heard this voice.

I did a writeup on what we're calling the "shunch" - the combination shove/punch that many an irate #NASCAR driver has used on pit road. Read it here. It's so fascinating -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

At least once a year someone asks me "Is the infield at Talladega OK for families?" The response is always the same. "It depends – how f*cked up is your family?"

I know his real name is William Clyde Elliott II and that "Chase" is the nickname he goes by but I'm sorry, this dude right here is a Willy Clyde if I've ever seen one

Extremely fake post-race texts to Las Vegas winner Denny Hamlin. Click below to read on the #NASCAR Substack. open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

Closed so fast that a Spirit Halloween just opened right there

In addition to winning, Denny Hamlin leaving room for Jesus now

⚠️HOT TAKE⚠️ Ross Chastain is the greatest peacemaker in NASCAR. Those he feuds with are eventually shaking his hand. READ HERE -> open.substack.com/pub/nascar/p...

So Shane van Gisbergen won easily at the Charlotte Roval and received several (very fake) texts afterwards. Read them all here -> nascar.substack.com/p/fake-texts-t…